Pain free Negotiation with NLP and Positive Psychology

Welcome to 2018. I hope this year will be a successful and vibrant year for you. I’m here to help you make it one! This year’s ‘tips for success’ series will focus on bringing together what I know about Neuro Linguistic Programming and Positive Psychology. Why? Because I’m passionate about these two disciplines. I believe that by honing the ways you think and behave, you can achieve the results you want. And that’s what Neuro Linguistic Programming and Positive Psychology help you to do.

Although the two fields are seemingly very different, I’ve found that there are great similarities between the two disciplines. To me, NLP is a practical discipline that combines a knowledge of language patterns with key principles from Positive Psychology. Sadly, in Australia NLP has gained a poor reputation. However, when it’s practised well, it is an amazingly powerful and useful discipline. I’ve studied with some of the best practitioners in the world and I’m convinced that, as research into the validity of techniques from NLP continues, we can establish a firm foundation of credibility for this discipline. I hope that this will ensure that higher standards are created for practitioner accreditation and practice.

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I first became accredited in NLP in 1994. Back then, there were very few trainers in Australia so it was difficult to gain accreditation. When I found a program, however, I was mesmerised by the linguistic component of NLP. To this day, I believe that this element distinguishes NLP from all other change-focused modalities. What makes NLP so special are its foundations in the linguistics. The key contribution NLP has made is it’s analysis of how successful people use language, both internally when speaking to themselves, and externally when communicating with others. Indeed, you can easily spot credible NLP practitioners because they have mastered NLP language patterns and truly understand the ‘linguistics’ of NLP. Less-skilled practitioners focus on bluster and hyped up sales tactics claiming NLP creates ‘magic’. Unfortunately, over time, the tendency to dumb down NLP has led to a proliferation of poorly-skilled practitioners claiming they can work wonders. This is why I’ve decided to add  Positive Psychology qualifications to my toolkit.

The difference between Positive Psychology and NLP hinges on the question of evidence-based practice. A key strength of Positive Psychology is its basis in scientific research regarding what helps people thrive. Many of the principles in Positive Psychology are mirrored in NLP. However, Positive Psychology has added a robust set of data to underpin those principles.

Sign up for your FREE Salary Negotiation Success Kit now. You’ll receive Eleanor’s Earn What You’re Worth negotiation planner tool, plus 6 free training videos.

I’m very excited to be studying Positive Psychology this year and I look forward to bringing you tips and techniques that I pick up along the way. Ultimately, my passion is creating success stories with my clients. I believe that when we learn to master emotion regulation and solution focused thinking skills, we become forces for positive change in the world. Not only that, we become happier, healthier and often – purely by accident – more successful.

Both Neuro Linguistic Programming and Positive Psychology focus on themes of thriving and excellence in human performance. What better theme could we have for 2018?


Finding Win Win Solutions


Exploring the idea of win-win negotiation? This video will give you a new perspective on what it involves. Using a simple story format, I will show you how collaborative problem-solving skills can be used to resolve issues in everyday life. This is a fun overview of the win-win approach



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Steps to salary negotiations success


Get ready for your next salary review or job interview. In this video, I talk you through the process of researching what you’re worth. Then I explain how to open the salary negotiation, rather than simply saying ‘yes’ to the first offer an employer makes. Find out how to negotiate a great salary package – not just your paycheque – and learn how to sound confident during salary discussions.


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Steps to Salary Negotiation Success

When you accepted your current position, did you negotiate your salary? If you’re a woman, chances are your answer to this question is ‘no’.

In my coaching practice, I’ve helped countless women overcome nerves about negotiating their salaries. Here are my top five tips for negotiating a fair, reasonable and equitable salary the next you’re accepting that job offer.


Benchmark salary and conditions in your industry

It’s obvious you won’t be able to negotiate well if you don’t know what is reasonable in your industry. To ensure that you’ve done your homework and know what’s going to be a fair deal for you check the website of your professional association, speak to recruiters or talk to colleagues who work in other organisations. Ask them about the typical salary range for jobs that are similar to yours.

Make sure you know what you’re worth before going into that interview. Read more

When sympathy goes too far: A cautionary tale for female negotiators

Women often tell me stories of negotiations in which they gave away too much. Following these interactions, the storytellers report feeling manipulated or taken advantage of. I’ve noticed a common theme running through these stories—and it’s a theme I’m all too familiar with myself. Having too much sympathy for your counterpart can reduce your ability to hold appropriate boundaries in negotiation.

Here’s an example from my own experience. A few years ago, I was outsourcing a writing task through a freelancing portal. The woman I selected presented as a native English speaker, with extensive experience in creating resources around the topic area. She seemed ideal. But when she supplied the first draft, I was seriously concerned. This is the point at which I should have terminated the contract. Instead, though, I did what many women do in tough situations. I tried to be nice. Read more

Top 10 quotes on win-win negotiation

Wondering how to take a win-win approach to negotiation? You’ll find useful insights in this short video featuring ten quotes about negotiating from the win-win perspective. They neatly capture what win-win negotiation is all about, as well as giving you some clues about how to do it well. Once you’ve finished watching the video, take your learning to a deeper level by listening to my free podcast on handling objections during negotiations.


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Handling Objections Without Sounding Pushy

Do you want to stop negative people stalling conversations during meetings? Are you sick of making proposals, only to have them dismissed by whiners? Are you fed up trying to close a sale, only to find objections are putting a barrier in the road to success? If these situations are frustrating you, you need to learn how to handle objections like a master negotiator.

In my course, Negotiation Skills for Women, we cover a range of techniques women can use to overcome objections in both formal and informal negotiation settings. Here’s a quick rundown on the advice I give to participants in these classes.


Ask exploratory questions

Highly skilled negotiators don’t stop when they hear objections. Instead, they adopt a mindset of exploration. They ask questions to uncover what’s going on for the person who has raised the issue. They do this because they know that handling an objection is always easier when you understand what’s prompting it. Useful questions to ask include “What makes you say that?” or “What are you concerned about here?” Get lots more tips on this in my free podcast, Handling Objections Without Sounding Pushy. Read more

Smart Ways to Handle Objections


Want to know how to handle objections when you’re negotiating at work? This video is a practical introduction to this sticky topic. Discover how to prevent objections bogging down your discussion. See how to dig beneath an objection to uncover your negotiation counterpart’s key needs and concerns and use discovery questions to move beyond impasse states.

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What’s your negotiation style?

Your negotiation style influences your power stance and tactics during negotiation. For example, if you take a low-status power stance, your tactics are likely to promote others meeting their needs at your own expense. Or, if you take a stronger power stance, you may get others off side by using communication tactics which are perceived to be aggressive.


Effective negotiators are aware of the impact of negotiation style on their results. They are flexible in working across a range of styles, depending on their contexts. Knowing what your own baseline negotiation style is, can help you to develop this sort of flexibility. Read more

5 Habits of Confident Negotiators

Power-up your negotiation skills with tips on how to feel confident when negotiating. Learn five strategies to heighten your influence during negotiations. Find out how to define your outcome before opening a negotiation. Build a back-up plan that will strengthen your position.


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