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Edgar Schein argues that the ability to question – or enquire – without judging is critical to communication success. He defines humble enquiry as “the skill and art of drawing someone out”. He then argues that this style of questioning is the foundation for great leadership and change management. It’s also a critical skill for anyone whose work involves persuading, influencing or handling conflict.  

The key take-away from this book is that humble enquiry is based on a mindset of curiosity and respect. It’s not just about asking questions – it is about building dialogues and creating positive conversations. The purpose of humble enquiry is to understand others. The author examines today’s culture of telling everything about ourselves while finding it difficult to ask questions about others. He shows how this hinders our ability to build meaningful relationships with others. Then, he delves into the fine art of humble inquiries and the significant changes it can have on your relationships.  

Schein’s advice can be applied to almost any professional situation. His model involves creating conversations characterised by deep level listening and intelligent questioning.  

About the author of this review

Eleanor Shakiba is a specialist in positive psychology training. She works with people in high intellect professions – such as academia, education, project management, research and development and engineering. Her skills in interactive training make Eleanor a highly sought-after facilitator. Aside from her expertise in Positive Psychology, Eleanor also holds qualifications in Social Anthropology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming.  

Here’s a powerful example of the ways in which showing empathy can benefit the people we work with. A large study was done between 2006 and 2009 on diabetes outpatients at a university hospital. This was to show the correlation between empathy and positive change. The results showed that physicians who had the most empathy also got the positive clinical outcomes with their patients. In fact, patients who felt like their physician was compassionate and understanding had the best control over their haemoglobin levels. This reduced their symptoms and risks for their diabetic condition.

The importance of leadership empathy is too great to pass up. The example study was performed in the medical field. But you can apply this mindset no matter what organisation or team you work for.

About the author of this fast fact:

Eleanor Shakiba is a master trainer and coach. She specialises in teaching smart people to use positive psychology and breakthrough communication techniques. Eleanor loves working with people who make a positive difference to the world – including facilitators, trainers and HR practitioners. She is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She also runs a range of retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators.

Mirroring other peoples’ behaviour and mannerisms is a commonly used method for building rapport. Does it work? According to a 1999 study, mirroring is a highly effective solution for increasing trust and improving relationships. The study involved 72 participants. 37 participants mirrored other peoples’ mannerisms while the remaining 35 were used to create the control condition.

Participants engaged in 15-minute sessions. During the session, participants sat with a researcher and described photographs together. The mirroring group mirrored the behaviour of the researcher and the control group engaged in neutral mannerisms. After the sessions, the mirroring group reported a stronger connection with the researcher compared to the control group. Based on the results, researchers believe that mirroring increases ease of interaction and overall likeability.

In the same paper that reported the findings of the study, two other studies were noted. The studies found that people tend to unintentionally mirror other people when working together on a task. Additional research from a team of Italian researchers in the 1990s helped uncover mirror neurons in the brain. Neuroscientist Giacomo Rizzolatti MD found specific neurons in the brains of monkeys that were triggered when they grabbed an object or watched another monkey grab the same object.

Over the past decade, psychologists have speculated that mirror neurons explains why some people have more empathy than others.The human mind naturally wants to mirror other peoples’ behaviour. The researchers behind the studies believe that these implications may provide positive outcomes for organisations.

Employing mirroring skills in a workplace setting may help build team cohesion and lead to better relationships between leaders and subordinates. Positive psychology trainers can help employees and leaders within your organisation to develop these skills. Contact Think Learn Succeed today to find out how.

About the author of this article:

Eleanor Shakiba is a specialist in positive psychology training. She works with people in high intellect professions – such as academia, education, project management, research and development and engineering. Her skills in interactive training make Eleanor a highly sought-after facilitator. Eleanor is author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners.  She also provides master practitioner workshops for trainers and facilitators.

Rapport-building is a fundamental skills for creating positive workplace relationships. Whether you want to build rapport yourself, or teach others how to do it, this positive psychology case study is a useful source of inspiration.

In 2008 researchers from Bowling Green State University showed that specific behaviours can improve the relationship between sales staff and potential customers. They found that retailers who use the following behaviours are more likely to trigger positive customer relationships and make a sale.

• Making an exceptional effort to meet a customer’s specific needs, even when the customer’s request is simple
• Building a personal connection – so that customers know they’re not just a number in a database
• Intense personal interest, showing the customer that they are being listened to and that the company cares about them
• Finding similarities, so the retailer and customer begin bonding over shared interests
• Showing “unexpected honesty” so that customers knows they can trust the retailer and the shop’s environment

The researchers also found that the more similarities which exist between the retailer and customer, the more rapport increases. This won’t be a surprise to anyone who has learned the basics of mirroring and matching to build rapport. However, it’s nice to see an evidence-based study confirming what communication skills trainers have been teaching for quite some time.

Interested in reading more positive psychology case studies? Follow Eleanor Shakiba and her team of positive psychology trainers on LinkedIn and Facebook.

About the author of this article:

Eleanor Shakiba is a positive psychology trainer. She teaches smart professionals to build positive thinking, communication and leadership habits. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She is an expert in experiential training and delivers dynamic and engaging training for corporate clients.

Studies show that people feel safer when they are with people they know. And this happens well before you’ve learned to say “hello” to them. A stunning example can be seen in the form of an MRI scan, which was taken by a group of researchers at MIT. They performed MRI scans on four to six-month-old babies, using specially modified MRI machines.

As the scans were taken, the babies were shown videos. These included footage of other children smiling and street scenes which did not contain people. It seems that the babies’ brains lit up differently when they saw faces – thus proving that even very young babies know the difference between people and inanimate objects.

A touching image of the key researcher and her own baby was captured during this study. As the first MRI scan taken of a mother and child, it shows “a powerful symbol of love and innocence, beauty and fertility.”

About the author of this fun fact:

Eleanor Shakiba is a positive psychology trainer. Her passion is working with positive deviants – the people in communities and organisations who break paradigms and build new solutions to entrenched problems. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She also runs a range of specialist retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators.

What’s the simplest thing you can do to improve your relationships? Positive psychology trainers say that the first step is to focus on building rapport. In positive psychology, rapport is an essential component to building meaningful relationships. This is a key part of fulfilment and achieving a flourishing state. Unfortunately, most people receive very little education in building connections with others. But you can learn to build rapport at any stage of your life.  

Rapport is state of deep connection with another person. It’s essential for trust and understanding. Building rapport involves creating a harmonious relationship with someone else. Some people are naturally better at building rapport than others. However, it is a skill that can be learned using the rapport building model. Positive psychology trainers use this model to help professionals create positive workplace relationships easily.  

The rapport model involves a variety of techniques for gaining mutual attentiveness, coordination and positivity with others. Matching and mirroring are two widely used strategies. They involve synchronising your verbal and nonverbal behaviours with someone else. To mirror effectively, you need to pay attention to their patterns of thinking and behaviour. Mirroring creates a subconscious connection between you. People tend to have positive feelings when talking with someone that mirrors their behaviour. 

Of course, mirroring is not the same as mimicking. You do not directly copy the other person’s behaviour, as this may come across as mockery. You subtly match their posture, gestures, energy level and even the rhythm of their breath. 

Discovering these subtle cues requires you to pay close attention to the other individual. Instead of passively listening, you need to remain fully focused on the other person.  

Also pay attention to the person’s posture and gestures. Do they use their arms and hands when talking? If so, copy the behaviour. This is a technique that positive psychology trainers recommend using with subtlety. After all, you want to create a psychologically safe environment. So, it is important not to be too obvious when matching a conversation partner’s movements. Aim to match patterns of movement rather than specific gestures.  If the person remains relatively still, avoid sudden movements. Matching someone’s energy level is also important. When talking to someone that is shy or timid, high-energy behaviour may be off-putting.  

In a professional setting, mirroring can help individuals achieve a quick rapport with colleagues or clients, but it is not the only technique. Follow these methods, which form the basis of techniques taught by positive psychology trainers.  

• Actively listen and observe to pick up on the other person’s demeanour and mannerisms for mirroring 
• Ask open-ended questions to uncover personal information and background details for building rapport 
• Try to find common ground, such as a shared interest, hobby, or skill, helping to create an instant connection 
• Invite a colleague or team to lunch to escape the workplace setting and put them at ease 
• Continue to build shared experiences, such as lunchtime getaways or working on the same project, as rapport requires continued interaction 

Building rapport may come naturally or require hard work, depending on the individuals involved. Keep in mind that developing a stronger rapport may not happen overnight. If you struggle to make a connection with someone, remember to try mirroring their behaviour. Active listening and patience are also important to the process.  

About the author of this article: 

Eleanor Shakiba is a positive psychology trainer. She has been training and coaching ‘positive deviants’ since 1994. She delivers customised workshops for corporate teams, as well as practitioner level programs for HR and L&D specialists. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She also runs a range of retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators. 

Martin Seligman’s PERMA system is an evidence-based model for helping people thrive. It provides a formula for creating personal engagement and wellbeing. PERMA is an acronym. It stands for positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning and accomplishment. Each element is clearly linked to personal wellbeing. So how can you build the elements of PERMA into your life? Here are some simple tips to help you get started.

• Boost your positive emotions by consciously focusing on them. This helps you amplify uplifting feelings and experience them more frequently.
• Deliberately increase your positivity ratio by sharing good news, expressing gratitude and using positive language.
• Heighten your sense of engagement, by doing more of what you love.
• Foster positive relationships by spending time with people who energise and inspire you.
• Find ways to be altruistic.
• Build your sense of purpose and passion by committing to what really matters to you. Fill your professional and personal life with meaningful activities.
• Develop a sense of accomplishment by taking on challenges and building your skills.

Take the elements of PERMA and apply them in your workplace. You will soon find you are happier and flourishing – so success comes easily.

About the author of this tip:

Eleanor is a master trainer and coach. She trains savvy professionals in a range of sectors – including higher education, health, finance and local government – in the use of positive psychology tools and techniques. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She runs specialist training for facilitators and trainers, as well as delivering customised training for corporate teams.

Want training on how to help your team flourish? Call Eleanor Shakiba. 0433 126 841

Here’s some interesting evidence that visualisation techniques can create concrete results. It comes from a positive psychology study on how to integrate gratitude techniques into daily life. A group of undergraduates were asked to be thankful more often. This sounds like a simple task – but because it involved remembering to change their behaviour, it posed a challenge.  So the researchers taught the students to visualise their best possible selves in expressing gratitude.  This simple mental exercise led to an immediate improvement in their ability to apply gratitude activities in everyday situations.

If you’re a fan of NLP or positive psychology, you probably already use visualisation or mindfulness exercises. So it’s great to see some evidence emerging that your efforts are worthwhile.

About the author of this fast fact:

Eleanor Shakiba is passionate about helping talented people flourish professionally. She coaches and trains high performers who want to excel in business. Her core expertise is in positive psychology. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She also runs master practitioner level retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators.

Clients often ask me to recommend a great book on positive psychology. Flourish is the text I most frequently suggest they read. It is a positive psychology classic and is a useful resource for both personal and organisational development.  

Flourish covers techniques you can use to live with happiness, purpose and optimism. The state of flourishing is compared to that of languishing (being okay but not reaching your full potential). It is full of tips for shifting your own mindset and being a positive influence on the people you come into contact with throughout your life.  

Add Flourish to your bookshelf if you’re interested in the science of human well-being, happiness and resilience. And if you get the chance to see the author – Martin Seligman – speaking, make sure you grab the opportunity.  

About the author of this review 

Eleanor Shakiba teaches smart professionals to build positive thinking and communication habits. Since 1994, she has been teaching talented people – like you- how to think, communicate and behave in ways that build success.  Eleanor holds qualifications in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. Her area of specialisation is using positive psychology to equip organisations and teams for success.