Have you ever considered the downside of being “too nice”? Have you ever thought about how your niceness might be having a negative effect on your career or life goals? Sure, being personable and agreeable is important, especially when you need to build rapport. However, being perceived as ‘too nice’ can lead to career stagnation and lack of advancement. This is a problem many women are raising in leadership development sessions these days.

Just how worried should you be about the dangers of being too agreeable? Well, in terms of your career development, I advise you to take it seriously. Here are some examples of how excessive agreeability can negatively impact smart people at work. Let’s start with Marie. She thought it was rude to interrupt, so she let her pushy colleague take over the closing meeting with a potential client. Then her colleague got the credit for the deal Marie had spent six months crafting. Marie lost out because she was too nice to speak up.

The same was true for David. His  boss asked David to rewrite a report his colleague had botched. David agreed, although he was sick of stepping in to cover his team-mate’s poor performance. This happened several times. Then his team-mate was promoted over David. When David asked his boss why, he was told that he was ‘not confident enough to lead’. How would you feel in that situation? I’d be pretty peeved, I must say. David was, too.

Lara’s story shows being too nice happens to self-employed people, too. Her client kept insisting on changes that fell outside the scope of Lara’s freelancing contract. She did the work anyway; despite the fact it took days. She was not paid for this time. Her project was unprofitable. Lara felt stressed, resentful and burned out. All because she was too accommodating to say ‘no’ to an aggressive customer.

Stories like these are all too common. You might even have a few of your own. If that’s the case, you already know that being ‘too nice to speak up’ can stall your career. Here are just five of the consequences it can have:

1. Your ideas and opinions aren’t taken seriously
2. You are not seen as a leader
3. You don’t get the recognition, rewards or promotions you deserve
4. People take advantage of your good nature
5. You become overwhelmed and burned out

The bottom line is this: agreeableness is a quality that can be overplayed. Why does this happen? It’s not just lack of assertiveness. It’s also social conditioning and the impact of organisational cultures that stress ‘corporate kindness’. Formalising kindness is a great idea, but we also should consider the need for professionals to set limits and boundaries. Otherwise, we risk increasing the number of people who suffer from the mindset I call Chameleon Syndrome.

This is an excessive eagerness to adjust your behaviour, in order to gain acceptance. It is the number one factor keeping women stuck in lower management, as well as a significant contributor to burnout and low morale amongst highly skilled professionals. However, it is possible to break free of this mentality and reclaim your power. If you’d like to find out how, please contact me to book a one-to-one session or arrange training for your leadership team.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

Hey there, frustrated professional!  Are you sick of being passed over for promotion? Despite all that hard work and the long hours you put in every week. Why is that the people who talk themselves up are the ones climbing the ladder, while you’re the one doing all the real work?

Well, maybe it’s not so much what those people say, but how they say it. You see, some of us naturally use ‘high status’ language patterns. Others – maybe you – were taught to speak like a low-status team member. Sadly, everyday speech habits can keep you stuck in lower management. That’s particularly true if you’re female. Sigh.

If this sounds familiar, don’t fret. The good news is that three small changes to the way you speak can unblock your career faster than a bottle of Draino unblocks that stinky kitchen sink. Firstly, stop speaking about operational details. This is not what senior folks focus on. To sound like management material, you need to use high-level language and talk about the future.  Don’t talk about how many widgets were produced last week. Instead, explain how you boosted productivity by 10%. Use words like ‘strategic’, ‘long-term’ and ‘future-proof’. This shows you understand the big picture – a valuable attribute in any leader.

Secondly, stop asking your boss for instructions. People who get promoted think for themselves. If you’re not sure what to do, offer your boss alternatives and make recommendations. Keep it quick, too. This will communicate that you’re someone who can solve problems and make decisions. In other words, a great candidate for that vacant leadership job.

Finally, always be brief but clear when responding to questions. Nobody wants long rambling explanations or stories. Ditch the details, history and descriptions of your problems.  Senior people just need simple yes/no answers or short summaries. Pause and think about why the question has been asked. Then get straight to the point. Being succinct shows that you’re smart and intuitive – which makes you stand out from your colleagues, I bet.

And please remember that confident professionals speak up and stand out. They don’t sit quietly in the background or use low-status language. So, with a few tweaks to your communication, you can be a leader who makes a difference. If you’d like help powering up your communication habits, get in touch. I’d love to give you a few more tips.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

Mel had been a thriving entrepreneur for years, but the last six months had been really hard. Her business was growing quickly, but that meant she was under pressure to launch new products regularly. Never good at managing details, Mel felt like her brain was on fire because every tiny thing seemed to need her input. Ergh. She was constantly on edge – overwhelmed by juggling multiple tasks and learning new things every day. Mel needed a fast solution. Sure, she’d been told that fast change rarely stuck, but she wasn’t convinced that was true.

The next day, after yet another detail-filled meeting with her team, Mel decided enough was enough. Yes. She needed a break from it all. Coffee at Bertoni wasn’t going to solve her problems this time! She needed pasta, cake and a good gossip as well. Packing her laptop into her bag, Mel headed off to her favourite cafe.

There she spotted a group on intriguing-looking people. One was talking about belly dancing. Another was talking about the best ways to teach young musicians. Plus, everyone was discussing the challenges of running creative teams. That’s when Mel knew she had to join in. Soon she was sharing her ‘Fried Brain’ feeling. Everyone in the group understood. In fact, I was there and was able to explain to Mel what it actually was: Complexity Overload. This happens when you are dealing with complex decisions and detailed information, without getting a break. It can destroy your resilience and wear down your mental stamina. As Mel knew all too well.

Luckily, Mel had stumbled on a solution. You see, the group she had joined was a collection of  business owners  – an  informal gathering of local leaders who wanted to make a difference. They’d all met at Bertoni by chance and now gathered to chat at least once a month. That day Mel learned two things: First, that it was OK to take a break from her computer. Second, that joining a support group is the best way to beat mental overload. Nothing beats talking and helping each other out!

If you’re like Mel and need somewhere to connect with like-minded people, email me today. I offer a range of online support programs and face-to-face training programs. So, wherever you are, I can help you be a (relaxed) leader who makes a difference.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

We’ve all heard of ‘burnout’ and ‘quiet quitting’ in teams.  But we rarely acknowledge that the hidden pressures of leading can cause another problem : Leader Fatigue Complex. Right now, business leaders are experiencing rising levels of weariness. Put simply, bosses and managers showing signs of fatigue than ever before. Learned helplessness is setting in and raising simple tiredness to the level of what I call Leader Fatigue Complex.

Leader Fatigue Complex is worrying. It sparks a range of problems for leaders themselves, as well as their organisations. These include:

• Reduced decision-making capabilities, due to cognitive and behavioural exhaustion
• Negative team impacts, including heightened levels of stress, anxiety and conflict amongst employees
• Rising cynicism and negativity within leadership teams – which has a ripple effect downwards
• Decreased manager performance, which in some cases is leading to significant financial losses

Yes, HR practitioners have been struggling to address these problems. Unfortunately training and teambuilding sessions haven’t shifted the trend significantly. This is because such quick fixes don’t address the three real key causes of managers’ fatigue. These are subtle and intangible, but they can have a huge impact on the health and productivity of managers, business owners and leaders.

Toxic emotion buffering

This is one of the most unseen aspects of managerial work. It involves mitigating the toxic emotions that arise in teams on a regular basis. Examples of toxic emotion buffering work include managing heated arguments between colleagues, coaching stressed or unhappy employees and responding to ‘testing behaviours’ in disgruntled teams. Doing this on a regular basis takes an emotional toll and leads to leader fatigue over the long term.

Complexity overload

This means having too much information to handle at once.  If you feel overwhelmed by the number of decisions that need to be made each day, you know all about it! Setting boundaries can help here, but many frontline managers or business owners find this difficult. As a result, they become overstretched, leading to more stress and leader fatigue in the long run.

Leader loneliness

This happens because managers and business owners must maintain confidentiality whilst managing the demands of their roles. Juggling the people side of business with bottom line pressures can be very isolating, leading to high levels of stress and leader fatigue. Add to this reduced professional development budgets, which means less access to professional coaching, and you have the ideal conditions for a spike in leader loneliness.

The good news is there are solutions for the leader fatigue problem. If you want to reduce the toll of emotional buffering, complexity overload and leader loneliness, stay in touch. I’ll be discussing practical solutions to these issues in upcoming videos and articles.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

If you’re someone who wants to make a difference, yet is afraid to stand out, I want to share a favourite childhood story with you today. In fact, it’s the story that inspired my ideas about Chameleon Syndrome, which is a leading cause of imposter thinking and low confidence in managers and business owners today. If your management career has stalled, there’s a good chance this frustrating syndrome is impacting your thinking.

Once upon a time…

Once upon a time, there lived a small but determined chameleon who dared to dream of something greater than the mundane life she had been living. She longed to live life to the fullest and take risks, unlike all the other chameleons who simply blended in with their surroundings and never stood out.

One day, the chameleon decided to take a leap of faith and explore the world around her. She set out on an adventurous journey. Of course, she encountered many exciting sights and experiences. She came across ideas she had never been exposed to before. She visited vast forests and towering mountains, crossed streams and raging rivers, navigated through deserts and lush jungles. With every step and every experience, the chameleon learned and evolved. Each day she grew brighter, more radiant and more colourful.

But those changes  also meant she became a target for criticism and gossip.  Her family and her colleagues were taken aback by her boldness and vibrant appearance. When she zoomed into meeting, they assumed she must be up to no good, since her actions strayed so far from the norm for an upstanding chameleon. Her friends openly mocked her for being different and daring to be herself. Despite all the naysayers, the gutsy chameleon continued on her journey. She was determined to live in full colour and never  again let anyone else dictate how she lived or worked. Her battle with imposter syndrome was over!

After many adventures – and some misadventures  – the chameleon arrived at a beautiful city on the top of a mountain. As she entered the town gates, she heard folks shouting in panic. She quickly learned that all the town’s power had been cut off. To make matters worse, a huge passenger plane was due to land any minute. But how would the pilot touch down without any lights to guide her? Lives were at stake and no-one knew what to do.

Thank goodness the chameleon had learned to stand out! She made herself shine brightly, becoming a beacon of hope. The plane landed safely due to the chameleon’s unique skill. Everyone cheered and the chameleon realised something important:  only those who dare to be different can make a real difference.

From that day on, she chose to be uniquely herself and never blend in again. And she’s not the only one who can do that:  you too can be brave and stand out. The future is bright if you choose to shine, too

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

You’ve got boundless resilience and are fabulous at overcoming obstacles. But do you have the wisdom to be a leader who makes a difference? You see, having mental stamina isn’t always enough. You can have all the motivation and grit in the world, but you still need wisdom to stand out at work! After all, wisdom give you immediate credibility, impact and confidence.

What is wisdom, anyway?

Wisdom is a combination of learning and experience. Your background, memories and skills contribute to your wisdom. Where does wisdom come from? Psychologists have shown it comes from being flexible. Leaders who are wise try new things. They know that change is inevitable – and they accept this. They  are mentally flexible. This gives them the edge and helps them make a real difference at work and in the world. Successful managers and business owners develop wisdom by being lifelong learners. They are continuously:

• Training themselves and their teams
• Coaching and mentoring
• Being coached and mentored themselves
• Reading and enquiring
• Extending their skills and building on their natural strengths

How can you become a wise leader?

Surprisingly few managers and business owners show the flexibility and adaptability that distinguishes leaders who make a difference. That worries me, but fortunately Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) gives leaders dozens of tools for becoming wiser and more flexible.

1. The Meta Model
2. The Milton Model
3. Anchoring
4. Reframing
5. Ericksonian storytelling

It’s no secret that number  5 is my personal favourite. It’s a unique  process for using stories to create wisdom – not just within yourself, but also in your team. Milton Erickson was a famous hypnotist. He used cleverly crafted stories to trigger learning. Most of these were designed to promote flexible, generative thinking.

If you’d like to find out how to use inspiring storytelling techniques, please get in touch!  I would love to help you and your team move out of ‘fixed mindset’ thinking and into generative learning mode.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

It’s often said that resilience is about bouncing back from adversity and hardship. But that isn’t the full picture. Smart leaders know this. So do resilient problem-solvers. They recognise that resilience isn’t about bouncing back to the good old times. It’s about bouncing into the future with optimism, hope and a solution-focused mind. For example, did you know that the most resilient leaders don’t ask ‘Why did adversity happen’?’ Instead, they ask ‘How would I like the future to turn out?’

How do you get your mind to think like this?

Psychologists recommend using a process called Positive Future Casting. Despite the fancy name, this is a very easy-to-learn technique. It simply involves imagining the future turning out well. The trick is to get really specific about the details you include in this ‘mental rehearsal’. Make them as vivid as possible. This fools your brain into thinking your imagined future is happening now – which immediately reduces stress.

Three reasons smart leaders future cast

Positive Future Casting has impressive long-term benefits. It prompts your brain to grow new neurological pathways. Those pathways help you think, learn and take action in new ways. Of course, future casting also  fires up your resilience and optimism, which makes you a better leader. In fact, Positive Future Casting is the fastest way I know to switch off stress, power up motivation and boost your mental stamina.

Get started now

Positive Future Casting is very easy to do. If you can daydream, you can future cast. Here are some ways you can get started.

• Reading Martin Seligman’s book Learned Optimism
• Working with coach or mentor
• Enrolling in an NLP course that teaches Future Pacing techniques
• Googling solution focused thinking techniques, so you can try them out for yourself

The next time you – or your team – encounter tough times, remember this simple fact. Resilience is involves bouncing forwards, not backwards. True resilience helps you create something better than before – including a better version of yourself!

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

Have you ever been scared to speak out in a meeting or to express a different opinion to everyone else? Do you shudder at the thought of being called a show off? Or do you overthink everything you say to your boss? If so, then you may be suffering from Chameleon Syndrome. This is a pattern of thinking that encourages you to blend in, but not in a good way. It stops you making a difference and becoming a high-impact leader.

Why do so many talented people develop Chameleon Syndrome?

Chameleon Syndrome  is a toxic need to blend in. It stems from a deep, unconscious fear of rejection – which often started during a talented child’s earliest years.  Why? Because talented youngsters are often taught to blend in. Think about it. As a child, were you told not to draw attention to yourself? Were you teased for being different or for speaking up? Did teachers or parents tell you to stop showing off? If so, you were being taught to blend into the background and stay out of the limelight.

The result? Chameleon Syndrome. It’s a defence mechanism – a natural reaction to being shamed or humiliated by people who should be protecting you. Unfortunately, when you step into a leadership role it is also a big problem. Chameleon Syndrome prevents you from standing out and creating the impact you know is possible. It prompts you to play it safe – hiding your true self in situations where your talents need to stand out.

The good news is that Chameleon Syndrome can be overcome. Here are some simple ways to start.

Remember that you are in the room for a reason

You are expected to make an impact and offer something unique. So don’t stay silent. If you’re nervous about speaking out, take an assertiveness course or book some success coaching sessions. This fear can be conquered!

Drive your own brain

As you know, I’m a big advocate of NLP. This is because it is a powerful tool for personal change. Learning NLP

will help you to control your thoughts and regulate your fear. It is also a great tool for building confidence and self-assurance. If you want to be leader who makes a difference, NLP will help you unleash the power of you.

Trust your intuition and talent

Finally, always listen to your inner voice. It will speak up when you least expect it. When it does, act on what it tells you to do. After all, leaders who make a difference are the leaders who take action. So don’t let Chameleon Syndrome stop you making a difference. You have the talent and the drive to make a real impact – so go out there and use it!

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

Do you know why so many ambitious women get stuck in middle management roles? It’s not because they don’t have the ambition or talent to break through the glass ceiling and reach the highest levels of success. The real reason is a deeply ingrained thinking pattern I call Chameleon Syndrome. There are three key signs you might have Chameleon Syndrome. Explore them in this month’s video.

Have you ever felt like you’re trying to blend in, rather than stand out? This is a major issue among ambitious women and it’s keeping you from achieving your goals. When you try too hard to fit in and be perfect, you become invisible – ironically, wearing camouflage that hides your talent from those who could help you advance.

I’m sure you’ve been there – working hard without any recognition or reward. You might even feel like you’re being overlooked or taken advantage of. But this isn’t an isolated experience; it’s a common pattern among ambitious women seeking career advancement. Here are some quick tips on how to beat this problem.

Stop being too humble to shine

This can be tricky because it’s important to show a reasonable amount of humility in the workplace. But avoid letting it go too far. You don’t need to shy away from talking about your successes and strengths. Learn to do it assertively, not aggressively.

Aim to be impactful, rather than busy

You might think you’re helping your team by doing operational tasks yourself, but chances are, you’re just taking on too much. Find ways to delegate and outsource so that you can focus on what really matters.

Never be silenced by your desire to be nice

It’s a huge mistake to be so ‘nice’ that you never speak out. Yes. It’s important to be kind and courteous, but it’s important to be courageous, too. Don’t hold back on expressing your opinions. You can’t make your mark as a leader if you don’t have an authentic voice!

Chameleon Syndrome can prevent even the most ambitious woman from reaching her potential. But with these tips, you can start breaking free from this pattern of thinking. Take charge of your career path and keep pushing for success!

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

I’ve taught NLP to thousands of leaders over the past 25 years, but I never grow tired of doing it. That’s because NLP is practical, creative and versatile. It’s ideally suited to leadership development, because it helps high achievers power up their influence, credibility and impact in no time at all. Plus, it’s best taught in groups – which means you get the benefit of peer support when you add NLP to your leadership toolkit. You can learn more about why all leaders should have a strong peer support group in this week’s video.

Are you toying with the thought of learning NLP? Well, here are three reasons to pursue that idea!

Reason 1: NLP compresses a lot of wisdom into an easy-to-digest format

That’s because NLP is based on the principle of modelling. Put simply, modelling involves studying the thinking and behaviour patterns of highly successful people. The aim of this exercise is to create a handy ‘how to’ guide for replicating their success. It’s like creating a recipe for your favourite cake by watching a master chef in action.

Reason 2: NLP helps you move beyond fear, limiting beliefs and outdated habits

Using NLP, I’ve helped leaders beat imposter syndrome, beat crippling fear of failure, give up smoking and overcome stage fright. This is possible because NLP is versatile. Working with a skilled NLP practitioner means you can experience rapid, powerful change and truly step into the zone of bold leadership.

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Reason 3: NLP is heaps of fun!

Yes, you read that right! Learning NLP is an opportunity to develop your leadership strengths and have fun at the same time. What sort of fun? The joy of connecting with like-minded people (I still hang out with the people with whom I learned NLP 30 years ago). The excitement of uncovering your hidden potential. The adrenaline rush of solving a problem that’s been plaguing you for years. These are all rewards you can reap with NLP – and if you’re a leader it’s important to enjoy what you do. Leadership can be stressful, so using NLP is a way to reprogram your brain. After all, the brain that can learn to be stressed out can also learn to be chilled out. My latest blog article summarises some important research on how you brain does this.

So yes. You should invest time learning NLP! It’s practical, creative and versatile. Plus, it has a track record that goes back over 40 years. Thousands of savvy leaders use NLP every day. Why not join them?