Eeek. I was recently asked how long I’ve been teaching professionals how to deal with difficult colleagues. The answer was 28 years. In all that time, people problems have never gone away. Toxic bosses and nasty colleagues are still the leading causes of stress at work. Three types of difficult people get mentioned more than any others:  idea thieves, energy vampires and backstabbers. These characters star in almost every tale of office woe that I hear. So, I decided to share some tips on handling them.

Next, let’s look at energy vampires. These are people who suck out all the positive energy out of a room. They’re so negative, they can drain the motivation of even the most positive team. To protect yourself from their contagious moods, try using the ‘vampire shield’ technique. Imagine you have a solid wall around your workstation and the energy vampire is on the other side. No matter how hard they try to lob negative comments your way, their words just bounce back to them. It also helps to minimise contact with them, especially when there’s no-one else around.

Finally, let’s talk about backstabbers. It’s frustrating to have somebody bad mouth you in public or give distorted reports to your boss, isn’t it? So, what can you do about them? The best way to handle backstabbers is to expose their tactics. The simplest way to do is by asking questions such as “What evidence did they give you?” or “Can you give me an example of that?” when a backstabber’s opinion is reported back to you as fact. This exposes their tactics without baking you seemed concerned. After all, if something isn’t true, there is no reason to give it lots of attention.

Remember, too, that difficult people give you an opportunity to shine at work. Staying calm and reasonable in response to their tactics will make you look confident and focused. It will also make you stand out as management material, because emotional intelligence (EQ) is not something everyone possesses. Great leaders, though, always have high EQ.

I hope these tips help you deal with difficult colleagues and protect yourself from office pests. To find out more, subscribe to my blog, sign up for one to one coaching with me or attend one of my upcoming workshops. Until then, stay safe and pest-free!

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

The importance of humility in leadership is often touted by leadership experts. For example, it is widely claimed that humility allows leaders to effectively engage with their teams, understand divergent viewpoints and foster unity. However, it’s important to remember that there is also a downside to being too humble at work. In fact, being excessively humble is simply a sign of imposter syndrome.

For female leaders, the dangers of ‘over-humbling’ can be particularly grave. When women are excessively humble, they can unwittingly reduce their credibility with both peers and team members. If you’ve ever done this, you’ll know how much it can reduce your ability to make an impact as a manager or business owner. Sadly, this is a situation that can be used against female leaders by those seeking to undermine their authority or discredit their ideas. This is why I spend so much time teaching women to focus on shining, rather than self-effacing.

Let’s face facts. Overly humble leaders can be taken advantage of by political players and self-aggrandising colleagues. This makes early-career leaders, in particular, vulnerable to power games and sabotage. Plus, because so many women loathe engaging in office politics, it puts female bosses and team leaders at a distinct disadvantage in large organisations. Even in organisations which run Women in Leadership training, this problem is rarely addressed.

Secondly, when female leaders are overly humble, they don’t speak up for themselves. They back down from difficult conversations or make concessions way too early in negotiations. This can be disastrous when it comes to setting and maintaining boundaries with team members or clients – something that every manager and business owner regularly needs to do. It also prevents women asking for promotions or being fairly remunerated for their efforts as leaders.

Finally, being too humble can cause female leaders to miss out on promotions after first breaking the glass ceiling. If a woman is too humble to accept credit for her accomplishments, she risks blending into the background and not being taken seriously by higher-ups. This is a classic example of what happens when a leader has Chameleon Syndrome – a toxic need to fit in at all costs. There are three signs a manager has this mindset.

• She’s too humble to shine
• She’s too busy to make an impact
• She’s too nice to speak up

If this sounds like you, there is some good news.  You can overcome Chameleon Syndrome by working on your credibility, impact and confidence. That’s why I designed my Complete Confidence with NLP course in 2022 and why women enrol in it 5 times as often as men.

To find out more about how I help females managers become leaders who make a difference, continue reading my posts. I’ll be giving you lots of useful advice on how to overcome Chameleon Syndrome over the coming weeks.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

You want to be a great boss and keep your team productive, thriving and successful. Unfortunately, doing this can make you a Toxic Emotion Buffer. This is someone who manages the emotionally charged energy of others, handles conflicts and sorts out emotional distress. Toxic Emotion Buffers play a critical role in the success of any team, but the cost to managers who take on this role can be high. After all, even those of us with drama-free teams probably spend hours each week keeping them that way.

Between sorting out conflicts, dealing with strong reactions to feedback and navigating the complex world of stakeholder engagement, a leader’s week is full of complexity. Too often, the consequence of buffering toxic emotions is leader fatigue. Managing emotionally charged energy isn’t easy and it’s not something that comes naturally to everyone. This is why handling stressful situations and strong emotions can take a significant toll on any manager’s motivation, mental stamina and energy.

Indeed, research shows that professionals who act as Toxic Emotion Buffers for longer than six months experience a range of negative consequences themselves. These include physical exhaustion from long hours at work or lack of sleep; mental health issues such as stress and burnout; relationship problems caused by interpersonal conflict and a decrease in motivation or engagement due to having to face difficult situations every day.

The need for Toxic Emotion Buffering will only increase in today’s turbulent world, so it is imperative that you equip yourself with skills and resources to manage your own emotions and fatigue. Ways to do this include:

• Using positive psychology tools to build your resilience and optimism
• Training your team in conflict resolution, so your people can manage problems themselves
• Working with a coach whenever you need to do a lot of Toxic Emotion Buffering at work
• Building your negotiation and mediation skills
• Debriefing with your peers
• Putting Toxic Emotion Buffering conversations on the agenda of leadership team meetings

If you feel you could benefit from additional training or resources related to Toxic Emotion Buffering, contact me to discuss ways I can help.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

Did you know loneliness is one of the most common triggers for leader fatigue and burnout? It happens because leaders are responsible for managing crises, making tough – often unpopular – decisions and taking on the burden of ‘toxic emotion buffering’ in teams. Plus, they must maintain confidentiality and preserve morale. All of which means leaders often face tough situations alone. This is not something we talk about widely. But it is time bosses started to speak up assertively about leader loneliness.

Sign 1: the go-it-alone attitude

Believing you can handle everything by yourself puts too much weight on your shoulders. It leads to a double whammy of overwork and low resilience. Both of which are key contributors to burnout. Remember that when you’re surrounded by people you trust,  everything becomes easier. Even leadership!

Sign 2: excessive self-criticism

Also known as beating yourself up.  If you don’t have trusted advisors around to provide authentic feedback, your inner critic can easily go feral. Now you’re an experienced leader. You know that negative self-talk lowers your confidence. It also decreases motivation and triggers feelings of hopelessness. And hopelessness and burnout go together like chocolate sprinkles and ice cream. And let’s face it, you eat a lot more of that combination when you’re burned out.  That’s why comfort eating is sign 2B.

Sign 3: reluctance to seek help

This happens when leaders believe asking for help is a sign of weakness. But not having support  reinforces your isolation. Leaders with high levels of mental stamina have support systems. They surround themselves with trusted advisors and peers. The tougher things get, the more they reach out.

If you’re struggling with any of these signs, it’s important to reach out for support. You don’t have to face these challenges alone!  Find a coach or mentor you trust and stop going it alone. Having a trusted advisor to talk to can make all the difference. You are someone who can make a difference.  Don’t let leader loneliness stop you!

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders.