By Eleanor Shakiba HR AND TRAINING TIPS 0 Comments

Trust building: a key skill for leaders

Trust is a hot topic at the moment. Over the last six months, I’ve been asked more questions than ever before about how leaders can build trust or create trusting workplace cultures. Questions such as:

  • My team has complained I am a micromanager. Why?
  • I’m a relationship manager in an engineering firm. How do I get customers onside more easily?
  • My senior manager won’t listen to me. What can I do?
  • I’m a faculty manager in a university. My direct reports don’t listen to feedback. What can I do?
  • How do I get my clients to trust, accept and action my advice?

Each of these questions stems from an interpersonal or team dynamics issue, which is being impacted by low trust. Trust is the belief another person has benevolent intentions towards you. Learning to build trust means understanding some key psychological principles. Slick ‘techniques’ (such as mirroring body language or matching verbal patterns) won’t build trust if they are used incongruently. Instead, leaders need to actively shape the dynamics of trust over time. Here are three strategies for doing this.

 

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Boost your positivity ratio

In communication contexts, this is the ratio of positive to negative emotions another person experiences during their interactions with you. According to relationship dynamics researcher, John Gottman, the magic ratio for a flourishing relationship is 5:1. If you want your team, customers or senior manager to trust you, work on this element first.

Respond in active constructive mode

This is a way of amplifying others’ positive feelings, by reinforcing them. When you hear a conversational partner expressing an enjoyable emotion – for example, joy, excitement or pride – acknowledge it. Then ask for more information about the event or situation which has prompted the feeling. For example, “You sound really happy about that customer’s feedback. It’s wonderful she took the time to thank you in writing. What do you think you did best in your conversation with her?”

Instead of arguing, enquire

Your people won’t trust you if you invalidate their opinions. Even if you disagree, it’s important to communicate respectfully. Pause before saying “That won’t work because…” or “Yes but…” Then ask a probing question. Explore the other person’s perspective, before using influencing skills to gently challenge or redirect their thinking. This builds rapport and maintains trust – not only in relation to discussing this issue, but within the relationship overall.

Remember that trust grows over time. It will survive challenges or ‘breaches’ only if you have built positive psychological capital. This is why smart leaders see trust-building as a daily activity. Every conversation contributes to your relationship dynamics. So make every conversation count.

 

About the author of this article:

Eleanor Shakiba is a positive psychology trainer. She has helped over 50,000 people to build confidence, presence and impact at work. Her passion is working with the ‘positive deviants’ in organisations – equipping them to think creatively and produce exceptional results. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She also runs a range of retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba HR AND TRAINING TIPS 0 Comments

When is deviance a good thing?

Most people associate the word ‘deviant’ with negative behaviour. Indeed, I was once asked to remove the tagline ‘training for positive deviants’ from my training materials. The client believed it sent the wrong message. Ironically, one of the participants in that client’s group had looked up my LinkedIn profile and spotted my tagline there. “Why didn’t you mention the positive deviant thing?” she asked. Like many positive deviants, she found the term intriguing. 

So what exactly is positive deviance? And how can the concept help you – and your team – excel? 

Deviance is variation from a norm. Deviant behaviour, therefore, is behaviour which diverges from commonly accepted (or ‘normal’) behaviour. Obviously, this can be a problem – as in the case of criminal behaviour. But what about deviation at the other end of the bell curve? This results in new solutions to problems, exceptional performance and innovation. It is positive deviance.  

Sadly, many organisations do not recognise the potential positive deviance has to transform business practices. Recently I was running a leadership program in an engineering company. One of the participants said, “The laziest people sometimes have the best ideas”. His tone was dismissive, so I asked him how he actioned those ideas. His response was that he just ignored them. This is an all-too-common response to positive deviance. 

Imagine the potential of a business that capitalised on positive deviance. It would have an energised, flourishing culture. Ideas would be captured in the moment and turned into solutions. 

Diversity would not just be a concept celebrated on International Diversity Day. It would be woven into the fabric of teams. Meetings would buzz with engaged conversation. Ideas would flow and people would flourish. 

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If this image excites you, explore the world of positive deviance. Here are five simple ways to get started: 

  1. Read The Power of Positive Deviance by Richard Tanner Pascale, Jerry Sternin and Monique Sternin.  
  2. The next time someone proposes an ‘impractical’ idea, explore it instead of dismissing it. 
  3. Scan your business for flourishing teams. Pinpoint what they are doing differently to everyone else. Then replicate their strategies for success. 
  4. Speak up when you have ideas that break the norm. 
  5. Ramp up your diversity program and review your performance management systems. Check that they actively support those who deviate from the norm in positive ways. 

Remember that positive deviants can make the world a better place. It’s time to join their ranks! 

About the author of this article: 

Eleanor Shakiba is a master trainer. She runs workshops in positive psychology techniques such as positive deviance, learned optimism, constructive communication and positive leadership. Eleanor can help your people build a thriving business, and a flourishing workplace culture. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She also runs a range of retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators.