A healthy level of self-esteem will help you take on challenging projects, leap outside your comfort zone and achieve your goals. If you’ve read ‘How high is your self-esteem?‘, you already know there are four behaviours that show someone has (appropriately) high self-esteem.
• Communicating your needs
• Saying no assertively
• Recognising and accepting your strengths
• Putting negative experiences into perspective
Many people hear this and say ‘it looks good on paper, but how do I do it?’ Here are some simple tips that will help you turn theory into action.
Identify your needs
Think about what you need in order to be happy, thriving and fulfilled. Pinpointing your preferences is good practice for eventually being able to identify deeper, more long-term needs. Write a list of the habits, activities and communication boundaries that make a positive difference in your life.
Set boundaries and enforce them
Boundaries are the limits you place or physical and psychological space. If you’re not sure what your boundaries are, work back from your values. Jot down a list of five characteristics or actions that really matter to you. Then write down some ‘rules’ for making sure you live in alignment with these.
Work on your inner dialogue
When you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, change it immediately. Do this a few times and you will develop more positive thought patterns. Instead of chewing endlessly on mistakes you’ve made, reframe those errors into opportunities for self-improvement. Remember, there are no failures, only ways to evolve.
Banish ‘either or’ thinking
Avoid all-or-nothing statements which imply you are either one thing or another. These create false dichotomies and encourage self-doubt. Learn to see the grey areas in situations. Look for at least five options. Don’t limit yourself to choosing between only two solutions. Think ‘yes and…’ rather than ‘yes, but.’
The highs and lows in your self-esteem ultimately comes down to mindset. What you tell yourself matters. When you get the self-dialogue right, your confidence levels naturally go up. If you need help mastering these techniques, contact Eleanor Shakiba now.
About the author of this article
Eleanor Shakiba is a specialist in positive psychology. Her key area of expertise is helping smart professionals build their social and emotional intelligence. Since 1994, Eleanor has been teaching talented people – like you – how to think, communicate and behave in ways that build success. Find out how Eleanor can help you or your team here.