By Eleanor Shakiba Confidence tips 0 Comments

Confidence is not a personality trait. You can learn it.

Are you surrounded by people who seem way more confident than you? Well, let me share a secret: many people APPEAR confident, but that doesn’t mean they’re naturally self-assured. It’s certainly not true that some people are ‘born confident’ or that confidence is part of your personality. Just like imposter syndrome, low confidence is caused by lots of factors. All of which you can overcome! Watch this week’s video for some insights into the real cause of imposter syndrome. Which is also one of the triggers for low confidence.

You see, confidence is not ‘part’ of you. It’s a mindset, which is  driven by your belief in your abilities. And those beliefs can change at any stage of  your life. In fact, brain research shows that you can rewire your brain and change your thinking habits from the cradle to the grave. And that’s great news. It means you’re never too young to be confident and… you’re never too old to be confident!

You can learn to activate confidence by mastering a few mind-management tools. I recommend using  Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) to build your emotional mastery, because they are quick to learn. For example, you can use NLP to trigger a confident state just by focusing your attention the right way. Did you know that your brain can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined? That means you can change your mood just by using your imagination and your memory. Many NLP state management tools help you do this.

 

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Try this easy technique right now. Close your eyes and remember a time you WERE confident in the past. Replay that memory, paying attention to what you saw,  heard and felt during that confident experience.  Make the memory as vivid as you can.  Use all your senses as you remember how you ‘coded’ your confidence. You’ll soon notice yourself feeling more confident in real time. That’s because you’ve just activated your ‘confidence pathways’.

Thousands of people use NLP every day. And why is that? Because it’s fastest and easiest way to change your thinking and change your state. If you’d like more tips on using NLP or on building complete confidence, come along to one of my online classes. I’d love to help you master the art of confident thinking!

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

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Beat imposter syndrome with confidence coaching

Become a more confident leader with confidence coaching

Low self-esteem. Feeling like an imposter. Most professionals experience these emotions at times. Let me help you overcome them. One-on-one confidence coaching gives you the mental tools to beat imposter syndrome. With personalised coaching, you can build greater confidence and self-esteem. Stop feeling as if you don’t belong.

Become a more confident leader by addressing your fears and anxieties. A variety of coaching packages are available to suit your specific needs. Get started with a free discovery session with success coach Eleanor Shakiba. Book your initial chat to find out how confidence coaching can help you flourish. Book a session

By Eleanor Shakiba Credibility interesting articles 0 Comments

Six ways to win an argument

Can you win an argument without raising your voice? According to the article in the Guardian, the answer is yes. Here are six ways to do it:

  1. Use facts and statistics.
  2. Use authority figures or experts.
  3. Appeal to emotion.
  4. Use humour.
  5. Be persistent.
  6. Use force (or the threat of force). These techniques can be useful for business owners, managers and supervisors who need to resolve disagreements or disputes with employees, clients or suppliers. By using these methods, you can stay in control of the situation and achieve a positive outcome.

While some of these tactics may work in certain situations, they’re not always effective – and they can even backfire if used incorrectly. For example, making someone feel stupid can lead to them digging their heels in, while attacking their character can make them less likely to listen to your arguments in the future.

That said, there are some tactics that are worth using more often than others. Facts and statistics, for example, can be very persuasive – especially if they’re presented in a clear and concise way. And humour can be a great way to lighten the mood – provided it’s not at someone else’s expense.

If you need someone to do something they’re reluctant to do, such as take on extra work or come in on a weekend, using facts and statistics can be persuasive. You can point out that the extra work is necessary for the company to meet its goals or that other employees have already agreed to do it. If you need to make a tough decision, using authority figures or experts can help convince others that you’re making the right choice. And if you need to get people on your side during a negotiation, appealing to their emotions can be very effective.

 

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Of course, getting what you want isn’t always easy – it often takes persistence and sometimes force (or the threat of force) is necessary. But knowing these six techniques can give you a leg up in any argument.

It’s important to remember that there is no “one size fits all” approach when it comes to influencing people – what works in one situation may not work in another. However, by understanding the different techniques available to you and using them intelligently, you can dramatically increase your chances of getting what you want.

Overall, this article is a great resource for anyone who wants to be more persuasive in their dealings with others. It’s full of practical advice that can be put into action immediately.

Find out more in the original article here: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2019/jun/30/the-science-of-influencing-people-six-ways-to-win-an-argument

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

 

By Eleanor Shakiba Credibility tips 0 Comments

How to stop your ideas being stolen at work

Eeek. I was recently asked how long I’ve been teaching professionals how to deal with difficult colleagues. The answer was 28 years. In all that time, people problems have never gone away. Toxic bosses and nasty colleagues are still the leading causes of stress at work. Three types of difficult people get mentioned more than any others:  idea thieves, energy vampires and backstabbers. These characters star in almost every tale of office woe that I hear. So, I decided to share some tips on handling them.

Next, let’s look at energy vampires. These are people who suck out all the positive energy out of a room. They’re so negative, they can drain the motivation of even the most positive team. To protect yourself from their contagious moods, try using the ‘vampire shield’ technique. Imagine you have a solid wall around your workstation and the energy vampire is on the other side. No matter how hard they try to lob negative comments your way, their words just bounce back to them. It also helps to minimise contact with them, especially when there’s no-one else around.

Finally, let’s talk about backstabbers. It’s frustrating to have somebody bad mouth you in public or give distorted reports to your boss, isn’t it? So, what can you do about them? The best way to handle backstabbers is to expose their tactics. The simplest way to do is by asking questions such as “What evidence did they give you?” or “Can you give me an example of that?” when a backstabber’s opinion is reported back to you as fact. This exposes their tactics without baking you seemed concerned. After all, if something isn’t true, there is no reason to give it lots of attention.

 

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Remember, too, that difficult people give you an opportunity to shine at work. Staying calm and reasonable in response to their tactics will make you look confident and focused. It will also make you stand out as management material, because emotional intelligence (EQ) is not something everyone possesses. Great leaders, though, always have high EQ.

I hope these tips help you deal with difficult colleagues and protect yourself from office pests. To find out more, subscribe to my blog, sign up for one to one coaching with me or attend one of my upcoming workshops. Until then, stay safe and pest-free!

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

 

 

 

 

 

By Eleanor Shakiba Credibility interesting articles 0 Comments

Send a message your boss won’t ignore

Have you ever had an idea for progress but feel like it’s not being heard when you present it to your boss? It can be incredibly frustrating and disheartening, especially when the same ideas are proposed by another person and suddenly get the green light. In an article Influencing Upward: The Skill You Need to Get Ahead, it provides invaluable advice on how managers, business owners, and supervisors can better influence decision makers in their workplace.

It outlines three key strategies for achieving this goal and getting ideas across effectively. Firstly, encourage readers to create a positive relationship with their boss by gaining intel on any goals or challenges they may have. Secondly, readers ‘earn the right’ to discuss their idea with their boss; this involves coming armed with data and facts that support the proposed solution. Thirdly, every idea should be presented in terms of value delivery – showing how the proposed solution would benefit everyone involved in the project. Linking ideas back to core objectives encourages understanding from decision makers and makes them more likely to agree with suggestions.

The article also mentions the need to develop a sense of empathy in order to gain trust and build a better relationship with decision makers. Knowing how they think and understanding their individual preferences helps readers create an approach that resonates with them, which could prove essential in getting ideas accepted.

 

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Having a good understanding of your immediate superiors’ needs helps create a level of trust between both parties which is crucial for getting ideas across effectively. Showing that you have done research into the problem and developed a feasible solution demonstrates that you’re capable of innovative thinking; this also shows ambition and respect for your employer which will further increase your chance of success. Being able to clearly explain how an idea can help achieve objectives is essential for conveying its merits – if there isn’t any evidence of tangible benefits from an idea then decision makers won’t take it seriously.

This article provides sound advice for anyone looking for ways to get ahead in business. By forming strong relationships with superiors, taking initiative through research and offering creative solutions underlined by value delivery – managers, business owners, and supervisors alike can learn how to better influence decision makers at work.

Find out more in the original article here: https://www.themuse.com/advice/influencing-upward-the-skill-you-need-to-get-ahead

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

 

By Eleanor Shakiba Videos resilience 0 Comments

You CAN be resilient and emotionally fragile at the same time

Too many leaders believe they should never experience doubt, uncertainty,  or low spirits. There’s  a big myth out there: that resilience equals never-ending positivity. And that just isn’t true. The truth is that successful leaders can be resilient and emotionally fragile at the same time. With the right techniques, you can turn this vulnerability into a leadership strength. Learn how Neuro Linguistic Programming can help you do this, in a 2-minute video from peak performance coach, Eleanor Shakiba.

 

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By Eleanor Shakiba Confidence interesting articles 0 Comments

No motivation? Here’s why

Most people occasionally experience a lack of motivation. It’s natural to lose interest in a task or project, but what drives this loss of motivation? According to leading psychologists, rewards largely influence your desire to accomplish things. Receiving an internal or external reward helps keep people motivated.

So, what type of reward works best for motivation? The answer depends on the type of motivation. In psychology, motivation is either intrinsic or extrinsic. A recent article on verywellmind.com perfectly explains how rewards impact both types of motivation.

First, it’s important to understand the differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is internally rewarding. It comes from behaviour that is mostly driven by your self-satisfaction instead of an external reward.

Activities that you engage in for fun are examples of intrinsic motivation. Hobbies are commonly intrinsically motivated. The self-satisfaction that you get from the activity is rewarding enough. Research suggests that adding external rewards on top of internal rewards decreases motivation. Psychologists call this the “over-justification effect”. Your intrinsic enjoyment of a task is sufficient justification for completing it. Adding an external reward creates the perception that the task is over-justified.

Extrinsic motivation comes from a desire to gain external rewards or avoid repercussions. You show up to work to earn money, which is an external reward. If you take away your pay, you’ll likely lack the motivation to go to the office.

However, your performance is also influenced by a variety of intrinsic factors. You likely gain a sense of satisfaction when others recognise your hard work. You may also find completing a challenging work task intrinsically rewarding,

Motivation and self-confidence are closely linked. If you tend to suffer from imposter syndrome, your motivation could be to blame. Self-motivation gives you the drive to set and complete goals. Without this motivation, you may gradually lose confidence in your ability to get things done. Listing the ways that you find your work intrinsically rewarding can boost your motivation in the workplace.

A lack of confidence can also significantly lower your motivation. Without confidence, it’s more of a challenge to stay motivated. Luckily, it’s possible to increase both your motivation and confidence. Choosing the right reward system can boost your motivation to complete tasks. The more you accomplish the more your confidence in your abilities grows.

Building true confidence requires motivation. Based on the article discussed, a reward system is a powerful tool for becoming more motivated. Yet, motivation is only part of the equation for gaining confidence. Neuro-linguistic programming offers a way to reframe your thought patterns, including the way that you think about motivation. Learn how to beat imposter syndrome with my one-to-one coaching and online courses at https://thinklearnsucceed.com.au.

 

 

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By Eleanor Shakiba Impact tips 0 Comments

Low status words derail your career: stop using them now

Hey there, frustrated professional!  Are you sick of being passed over for promotion? Despite all that hard work and the long hours you put in every week. Why is that the people who talk themselves up are the ones climbing the ladder, while you’re the one doing all the real work?

Well, maybe it’s not so much what those people say, but how they say it. You see, some of us naturally use ‘high status’ language patterns. Others – maybe you – were taught to speak like a low-status team member. Sadly, everyday speech habits can keep you stuck in lower management. That’s particularly true if you’re female. Sigh.

If this sounds familiar, don’t fret. The good news is that three small changes to the way you speak can unblock your career faster than a bottle of Draino unblocks that stinky kitchen sink. Firstly, stop speaking about operational details. This is not what senior folks focus on. To sound like management material, you need to use high-level language and talk about the future.  Don’t talk about how many widgets were produced last week. Instead, explain how you boosted productivity by 10%. Use words like ‘strategic’, ‘long-term’ and ‘future-proof’. This shows you understand the big picture – a valuable attribute in any leader.

Secondly, stop asking your boss for instructions. People who get promoted think for themselves. If you’re not sure what to do, offer your boss alternatives and make recommendations. Keep it quick, too. This will communicate that you’re someone who can solve problems and make decisions. In other words, a great candidate for that vacant leadership job.

 

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Finally, always be brief but clear when responding to questions. Nobody wants long rambling explanations or stories. Ditch the details, history and descriptions of your problems.  Senior people just need simple yes/no answers or short summaries. Pause and think about why the question has been asked. Then get straight to the point. Being succinct shows that you’re smart and intuitive – which makes you stand out from your colleagues, I bet.

And please remember that confident professionals speak up and stand out. They don’t sit quietly in the background or use low-status language. So, with a few tweaks to your communication, you can be a leader who makes a difference. If you’d like help powering up your communication habits, get in touch. I’d love to give you a few more tips.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

 

 

 

By Eleanor Shakiba Videos resilience 0 Comments

3 signs your ‘burnout’ is really leader loneliness

Leaders are often forced to face tough situations alone, maintaining confidentiality and showing a brave face in challenging times. This can create a sense of isolation and exhaustion, which is known as ‘leader loneliness’. People who experience leader loneliness are at higher risk of burnout and stress-related problems. But there is something you can do to avoid it. In this short video, leadership coach Eleanor Shakiba describes three signs of loneliness that leaders need to watch out for. Plus, she gives practical tips for finding the support and assistance you need to thrive in your leadership role.

 

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By Eleanor Shakiba Credibility interesting articles 0 Comments

Raising tough issues with your boss without creating a political mess

How can speaking truth to power help your career? That is the question that this article for SHRM seeks to answer. According to this article, there are four key benefits to speaking truth to power: gaining influence, developing relationships, increasing your credibility and gaining knowledge.

First step is to understand what truth-telling is and what it is not. Truth-telling is about candour and speaking up when something isn’t right. It’s about being honest with yourself and others, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s also about holding yourself and others accountable.

Truth-telling is not about being a bully, being negative, or stirring up trouble. It’s also not about speaking out of turn or going against the company’s policies.

So how can managers start speaking truth to power in their own workplaces? Shakiba offers five tips:

1) Start with yourself: Be honest with yourself, and admit when you’re wrong. Be willing to change your mind and be open to new information.

2) Speak up: When you see something that isn’t right, speak up. Don’t stay silent just because it’s uncomfortable or you’re afraid of repercussions.

3) Build relationships of trust: Establish trust with your team by being honest and transparent yourself. Share information openly, listen attentively, and be respectful.

4) Set the example: Lead by example, and show your team that you value accountability and honesty. Model the behaviour you want them to emulate.

5) Hold people accountable: Demand accountability from your team members, and don’t be afraid to call them out when they fall short. Reward them when they do well.

 

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Each of these benefits are important for career success. Gaining influence allows you to get things done and get your ideas heard. Developing relationships helps you build a support network of people who can help you advance in your career. Increasing your credibility makes people more likely to trust you and take your ideas seriously. And gaining knowledge allows you to stay ahead of the curve and be better equipped to handle challenges in your career. Speaking truth to power is not always easy, but it can be a powerful tool for career success.

Find our more in the original article here: https://www.shrm.org/hr-today/news/hr-magazine/fall2022/Pages/speaking-truth-to-power.aspx

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.