By Eleanor Shakiba Impact tips 0 Comments

Say “hello” to confident networking

Does the thought of attending a networking event fill you with dread? If so, you’re not alone. Many people find it daunting to connect with total strangers. Even highly confident professionals can find networking a challenge. Key questions participants in my communication skills courses ask about networking include these.

  • How should I introduce myself?
  • What should I talk about?
  • What if others aren’t interested in what I have to say?

In fact, about half the people in my classes report thinking things like this. So do the maths. That means there is a 50% chance that stranger you’re introducing yourself to is experiencing the same trepidation as you. Fortunately, there are some simple tactics you can use to make both yourself and others more comfortable at professional events. Here are three tips to get you started.

Use your happy voice

Your tone and pace of voice send an immediate message to your counterpart. Using a happy tone of voice is more effective than trying to sound confident when building rapport. That’s probably good news if you’ve ever been given the advice ‘just relax and be confident’. Psychologists have done some interesting research in this area. One experiment involved asking volunteers to record themselves, saying “hello” five different times. First, they recorded their greeting using their normal tone of voice. Next, they took on a happy tone. In the third recording, they shifted into a sad mode. Recording number four was an angry tone. And the final recording was made while the volunteer was in Amy Cuddy’s ‘power pose’. If you’re familiar with Cuddy’s research, you’re probably now predicting that the power pose recording would have been preferred by people listening to the greeting. In fact, this was not the case.

The research participants who listened to the recordings were asked to rate how likeable the speaker was in each version of their recording. Across a range of voices, with differing accents and energy levels, the results were conclusive. Listeners responded most positively to the happy voices. So keep this in mind the next time you’re introducing yourself to someone new.

 

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Use information hooks to start the conversation

You can easily avoid awkward silences by thinking of two or three intriguing questions to use as conversation openers. Examples include:

  • What’s the most interesting meal you’ve ever had?
  • What’s been your most positive learning experience in life?
  • What are your thoughts on the topic we’re covering here today?
  • How did you get into your line of work?

You’ll notice that all these questions are open questions. This means they encourage the conversation partner to open up. Hopefully, as they speak, you’ll hear something you can tie into. In no time at all, you’ll find the conversation flowing smoothly.

Find ways to help

Networking is about making lasting connections. Being helpful will guarantee this happens. Focus on others’ interests and ambitions. If you feel there are opportunities to help out, make an offer. That’s a great way to create a positive impression, as well as build a bridge to staying in touch.

Remember that positive psychology is a great tool for building constructive relationships. Focus on helping others feel comfortable. You’ll soon discover that this distracts you from your worries about networking. You will become more confident and that will make you appear relaxed and interesting.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology. Her passion is teaching talented people to use social and emotional intelligence to excel in business. These skills centre around building positive mindsets, proactive communication habits and purposeful leadership behaviours. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba HR AND TRAINING TIPS 0 Comments

What crime novels have taught me about building confidence

Okay. This is where I confess to some dubious reading habits. When I’m tired, or need something to divert me from a problem, I love reading pot boilers. My particular indulgence is cliché ridden crime novels. I only read the novels that feature female detectives, all of whom seem to be deeply wounded and suffering imposter syndrome.

Interestingly, I learned quite a bit from these heroines. For example, I’ve picked up tips on packing bags, fitting exercise into a busy schedule and reducing housework to the bare minimum. Most significantly, I’ve drawn a few lessons on building confidence from the antics of my favourite female detectives.

It doesn’t matter if you make bad decisions, as long as you adapt

It’s amazing how often the central character of a crime novel leaves her radio and/or phone behind when driving off to meet with a killer. This seems to happen to even the wiliest detective. What interests me about this, though, is that the heroine always manages to recover from her poor decision.

This is an interesting lesson for real life. Sometimes we make the wrong choice. Occasionally this gets us into very hot water. Yet, if we keep a clear head, these situations foster learning and growth. After all, making mistakes is part of experimenting. It’s inevitable that if we take risks, sometimes we’ll experience ‘failure’. It’s what happens next that matters. And that is usually totally within our control.

 

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The cure for self-doubt is action

The fast pace of the (fictional) female detective’s life means she doesn’t have time for rumination. I think the rest of us can learn from this. Rumination involves pondering our own flaws or errors. If we do this for too long, we’ll naturally begin to doubt ourselves. To break the cycle of rumination, it often helps to focus on something important. This doesn’t have to be hunting down a master criminal. It might just involve hunting down your perfect job, for example. In the end, what will impact your emotional state is your desire to make a positive change.

Solutions can be found in surprising places

The plot of a crime novel is only interesting when it contains unexpected twists. Life is sort of like that, too. One of the main things that attracts me to detective novels is that their central characters are usually extremely solution focused. They don’t let problems slow them down. Instead, they use lateral thinking and creativity to achieve a goal. Interestingly, they often combine high attention to detail with a strong sense of intuitive thinking. This is a great combination for anyone who wants to boost their confidence levels.

So yes. My leisure-reading can’t be classified as great literature. I’ll continue reading crime novels, though, because they spark new ideas that end up being applied in my business. Now I just have to convince my accountant to make them tax-deductible…

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a consultant in the areas of positive psychology training and solution focused coaching. She partners with HR and L&D teams to build vibrant cultures where ‘positive deviants’ thrive. Areas she specialises in include positive mindset, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Eleanor is qualified in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. Her passion is working with positive deviants to build success. Download a copy of her free ebook Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners.

By Eleanor Shakiba HR AND TRAINING TIPS 0 Comments

Dull topic? Do this!

Think of a training session or presentation that you deliver regularly. Are there any parts of that session that you dread delivering? If so, chances are those are the ‘dull bits’ of your content. The compliance content. The boring theory content. The policy and procedure content. You know what I mean. Lazy trainers deliver this type of content using dot point after dot point on a badly designed slide.

Not me! I see dull content as a flavourless stew waiting to be transformed into a tasty feast. The base ingredients are already in the pot: ready for me to add the right herbs and spices. My job is to choose flavourings that will appeal to the taste buds of my group. Like all master chefs, I have a few ‘secret ingredients’ I can add into my training sessions. What are your favourite ways to make a topic interesting? Here are mine.

Turning statistics into analogies

Any set of numbers actually tells a story. Your job, as a creative trainer, is to find the story and tell it. For example, in a session on safe work practices, you could turn statistics about injuries in the workplace into stories about the people those statistics represent. This type of story is often quite dramatic, so it can be a useful way to connect with your audience.

 

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‘Spontaneously’ role-playing with course participants

If you tell participants they’re going to do a role-play, you will encounter groans and resistance. However, you can overcome this obstacle by participating in the role play yourself. Listen carefully to the stories your group participants tell. Then choose a story to enact for your group. Every session will have an extrovert who is willing to play you. During a break, ask this person, whether they would be willing to play the part of one of the people in a scenario that’s already been discussed. Then gather the rest of the group around and role-play the situation. Engage the audience by asking them to give instructions to the characters in the role-play, so that it becomes a ‘create your own adventure’ story.

Using cameras

There are many ways to use video and photo in training sessions. For example, the participants can video themselves or record themselves trying out new skills. Or they can write scripts and perform them as a way of giving feedback on what they’ve learned. In groups that are more resistant to ‘acting’, ask people to take photos of interesting objects and then relate them to your course topic. This is a great way to boost energy in the afternoon, whilst keeping your session on topic.

And remember this. Great chefs learn by testing new ingredients and trying new cuisines. Likewise, great trainers are constantly experimenting with new content and delivery methods. This keeps your learning menu fresh and your course participants hungry for more of your content.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology. Her passion is teaching talented people to use social and emotional intelligence to excel in business. These skills centre around building positive mindsets, proactive communication habits and purposeful leadership behaviours. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

What are team dynamics? by Eleanor Shakiba

This video is part of a positive psychology series. Find out more about positive psychology in Eleanor’s free eBook, the Positive Psychology Toolkit.

Build a thriving team with positive dynamics. The term ‘team dynamics’ refers to the psychological factors that influence the way that a team collectively behaves and performs. Team dynamics directly influence the behaviours of every team member. You can bring together the brightest, smartest individuals to work on your team, but without the right group dynamics, that team might not gel. In this video, positive psychology trainer, Eleanor Shakiba, shares with us the factors and techniques that impact relationships and, ultimately, a group’s output.

This video on team dynamics is part of a playlist of positive psychology videos by master trainer, Eleanor Shakiba. If you’re looking for resilience videos or positive thinking videos, subscribe to Eleanor’s channel for regular updates. To book Eleanor to train your team, visit her official site at Think Learn Succeed. To purchase training materials on resilience, learned optimism and employee wellbeing, visit the Think Learn Succeed shop.
 


 

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About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology. Her passion is teaching talented people to use social and emotional intelligence to excel in business. These skills centre around building positive mindsets, proactive communication habits and purposeful leadership behaviours. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba Impact tips 0 Comments

Stage skills I’ve learned from positive psychology stars

It’s no secret I’m a lifelong learner. When I’m not upfront in the training room, I’m probably learning somewhere else. One of my favourite environments for learning is positive psychology conferences. There, I get to learn from the top minds in my field. Not only that, I get to model their stage skills. This makes the learning experience double layered. Which is why I’m always scribbling frantic notes whenever I’m learning.

Here are my favourite takeaways from the sessions I’ve attended over the years. This article will focus on stage skills, rather than positive psychology content. In a future article, I’ll share insights gained from the expert content delivered by these presenters.

Martin Seligman: the father of positive psychology

I have attended several sessions delivered by Martin Seligman. I am always impressed by his centred, calm presence. His charisma seems to influence everyone in the room. The most notable example of this was the day he arrived unannounced and stood at the back of a training room in Austria. Although the audience was not aware of his presence, there was a notable shift in the group’s energy. When Martin’s presence was acknowledged by the presenter, suddenly the change of atmosphere made total sense.

What have I learned from seeing Martin Seligman in action on stage? Most importantly, I gained insight into the power of grounded and respectful responding. This is a particularly useful skill when you’re facing a heckler or angry group participant. I once saw Martin Seligman being berated by a group member during question time. Her argument was that positive psychology was exploitative and dangerous. She was certainly passionate in her delivery, gesturing wildly and using very strong language. Martin Seligman stood directly in front of her, calmly acknowledging her statements. He was respectful and attentive, whilst also moving the conversation to a more constructive place. A masterful response.

 

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Barbara Fredrickson: expert on positive emotions

Unfortunately, I haven’t yet seen Barbara Fredrickson live, because Covid19 led to conference cancellations in 2020. However, I did attend some online sessions, which she led masterfully. Her presentation was well structured and supported by simple, yet engaging, slides. What really stood out, though, was Barbara Fredrickson’s use of simple metaphors to build a theme through her presentation.

As an NLP trainer, these days, I tend to construct elaborate metaphors which feature intricate plots and characterisations. What I loved about Barbara Fredrickson’s metaphors, in contrast, was they were very simple. For example, she used a metaphor of eating a balanced diet to explain the role of different types of emotions in our lives. This made her point very clear. It also provided a reference point she could return to throughout the presentation. Since observing this pared back metaphor use, I started experimenting with it myself. What I found, is that more concrete learners prefer this style of metaphor. Intuitive ones, on the other hand, are engaged more by the complex NLP style metaphors.

Robert Biswas-Diener: positive coaching expert

I’ve seen Robert Biswas-Diener both online and on stage. He’s a superb presenter. His sessions are humorous, engaging and vibrant. I always learn a new stagecraft trick when I attend his sessions. So what’s the most important technique I’ve gleaned from him? It’s definitely Robert Biswas-Diener’s use of personal anecdotes to establish his authority and connect with his audience. Whether he’s talking about learning to paint or going through tribal scarification rituals in Africa, his stories entertain and embed key presentation messages at the same time.

What gave I learned from all this role modelling? It all boils down to one key message. Expressing your authentic self brings a presentation to life. Audiences don’t want facts, figures and data alone. What makes information resonate is the performance skills of the speaker. And the great news is that these can always continue being developed. So lifelong learners like me will always have something more to learn.

If you, too, are a facilitator or presenter who wants to be masterful in your stage skills, subscribe to my Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This gives you access to fortnightly tips on improving both your professional expertise and your stage skills. Download it for free here.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology training. Her core strength is creativity, which she expresses in the training room through storytelling and visual design. She has dedicated her career to helping experienced professionals break through glass ceilings by developing their confidence, communication skills and leadership mastery. Eleanor is qualified in a range of fields including Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

When NOT to do team building

Two years into my facilitation career, I was invited to run a teambuilding session for a group of researchers who ‘weren’t getting on these days’. As an enthusiastic, rookie facilitator, I took the job on. Without asking questions or probing to find out what ‘not getting on’ meant. Let alone realising that ‘these days’ had been going on for five years!

Naively, I designed an interactive, action-packed teambuilding day full of icebreakers and self-disclosure exercises. The session was an epic fail. Why? Because this was a complex situation, involving years of conflict and team fragmentation. It was not something that could be sorted out in a day. All the clues were there during my needs analysis interview. Here are some of the red flags I missed.

‘It must be done ASAP. It’s an emergency’

The request for teambuilding was made two weeks before Christmas. Obviously, no planning had been done. Indeed, the manager claimed the teambuilding exercise was ‘urgent’. I should have enquired about what that meant! That way I wouldn’t have received a nasty surprise during the session. It turned out one member of the team had threatened to make a complaint about bullying. This had been ignored by the manager and blew up on the day. What did I learn? Don’t be bullied into handling ’emergencies’ without a full investigation into what created them.

‘Make sure you tell them…’

Ah. I hadn’t yet learned that poor leaders hire facilitators and coaches to deliver the messages they feel uncomfortable communicating themselves. In my scenario, the manager provided a long list of directives to pass on to her team. Most of these targeted inappropriate behaviours (which of course, could be construed as bullying). The manager wanted me to tell the team how to behave. When I suggested it will be wiser to involve the team in setting communication norms, the manager shook her head. She even told me they’d tried that before and it didn’t work. Looking back, I can see this was a clear sign trouble was brewing.

 

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‘Can you do it in half a day?’

This question usually comes from someone who has no idea what team building involves. That was very true in my scenario. I was told that heavy workloads and budget constraints limited the time available for the session. In my naïve eagerness to please, I failed to set boundaries. Indeed, I agreed to the half-day format and then tried to work out how to use accelerated learning to reap the desired results. It didn’t work.

‘All the conference rooms were booked…but we have a board room’

When I asked the manager to book a large, suitably ventilated room for the session, I was told this had been handled. It turned out this wasn’t true. The team was crammed into a poorly lit, overheated, stuffy boardroom. There was no room to do all my groovy accelerated learning activities – and barely room to breathe.

Fortunately, I am a much wiser facilitator these days. I now complete a full needs analysis before taking on team building gigs. Typically, this involves using positive psychology training models to design pre-session questionnaires and custom-designed group work processes. I involve team members in the needs analysis conversations and follow up. And most importantly, I listen for subtext when taking a manager’s initial brief. It’s often what is not said that reveals the true situation. By listening carefully, savvy facilitators can gather the information required to design robust interventions that will deliver positive results.

If you’d like to find out more about using positive psychology principles in your team building sessions, download Eleanor Shakiba’s free e-book, Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor specialises in positive psychology and NLP. She works with HR and L&D teams create vibrant organisational cultures, by delivering training that makes a difference. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. Her passion is fostering the success of ‘positive deviants’ in the workplace. Download a copy of Eleanor’s free ebook Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners.

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

The science of aha moments by Eleanor Shakiba

If you want to solve problems more confidently and creatively, this video is a great introduction to the science of insight. It explains what goes on in your brains when you experience an ‘aha’ moment. It also explores ways NLP and positive psychology techniques might work with those brain functions. Curious? Find out more in The Science of Aha Moments, by Eleanor Shakiba.
 


 

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About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology. Her passion is teaching talented people to use social and emotional intelligence to excel in business. These skills centre around building positive mindsets, proactive communication habits and purposeful leadership behaviours. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba HR AND TRAINING TIPS 0 Comments

12 tools for smart trainers: teaching metaphors

If you want your message to have more of an impact, tell a story. Storytelling is one of the oldest techniques for getting a point across. When you tell a story, people listen. It engages their emotions and makes a stronger connection. Learn how to use storytelling to keep your audience hanging on your every word.

Storytelling is the use of words and images to communicate with an audience. It requires learners to engage their imaginations. This allows them to connect with your message and retain information. To use stories effectively in learning and development contexts, trainers need to understand the basics of crafting ‘teaching metaphors’. These are stories that include three main components: a problem; a strategy for solution and a positive outcome.

Storytelling as a communication tool can be traced back to the beginning of time. The leaders of ancient communities would tell stories to inspire or influence community members. Storytelling has also become an integral part of the positive psychology trainers’ toolkit. Martin Seligman, the pioneer of positive psychology, understands the importance of storytelling. Much of his research involves using participants’ narratives to create positive interventions. Research also suggests that humans are hardwired to listen to stories. You – as a budding positive psychology trainer or consultant – can use a story to present information in a way that makes more sense to people.

 

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The most effective stories are personal ones. If the story is personal to the speaker, it becomes more personal to the audience. Of course, personal stories may not be an option for every presentation. Sometimes you need to tell a story to express data. Instead of rattling off numbers, create a narrative that showcases the importance of the data. For example, you may develop a persona for a typical client to humanise the information. All stories start with an idea, such as communicating a specific message to the audience. You then need to build the story around the idea. The standard storytelling structure includes a problem, a journey and an outcome.

When using storytelling in learning and development contexts, it’s important to keep your plots simple. You don’t need to add a lot of detail or twists. Four principles will keep you on track in this regard.

  • Create a plot that mirrors your group’s real problems
  • Suggest solutions for those problems
  • Base your plot on strategies for action that can be used in real life
  • Always end on a positive note

As you experiment with storytelling techniques, you’ll discover a range of ways to bring your stories to life. Try adding details about the characters in your stories, acting out key scenes or getting your group in a ‘choose your own adventure’ story building session.

Don’t stick to storytelling basics. Learn how to craft advanced metaphors and deliver them with impact. Enrol in a trainers’ master class with Eleanor Shakiba today.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology training. Her core strength is creativity, which she expresses in the training room through storytelling and visual design. She has dedicated her career to helping experienced professionals break through glass ceilings by developing their confidence, communication skills and leadership mastery. Eleanor is qualified in a range of fields including Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

What are team dynamics and how do you ‘build’ them?

You can bring together the brightest, smartest individuals to work on your team. However, without the right group dynamics, that team might not gel. Savvy leaders and L&D professionals know that team dynamics matter. Simple steps – such as increasing a group’s positivity ratio – can reap huge rewards when it comes to team building. Before beginning to work on team dynamics, though, you need a thorough understanding of team dynamics theory.

The term ‘team dynamics’ refers to the psychological factors that influence the way that a team collectively behaves and performs. These factors impact relationships and, ultimately, the group’s output. Positive psychology trainers suggest using the following techniques to boost positive psychological capital when working on team dynamics.

Create a clear vision and foster hope

Without vision, people feel lost. They will then react fearfully. Great leaders are experts in setting a clear picture of what the future will look like. Doing this makes everyone feel like there’s something worthwhile they’re working towards.

Track positivity ratios

Positivity ratios are something positive psychology trainers talk about a lot. The basic positivity ration is a ‘measure’ of the number of positive emotions someone experiences in a given timeframe, compared to the number negative feelings they have in the same period. Get your team focused on building a positivity ratio of at least 5:1.

 

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Establish support mechanisms

To flourish, people need individualised support. This can come in the form of peer coaching sessions, resilience training, professional supervision, regular meetings with the boss or even access to external employee assistance programs. The point is to allow people to bring their authentic selves to work. It’s important, of course, to ensure that the support provided is positive. Therefore, it is usually best to engage qualified positive psychology coaches and trainers when helping individuals thrive.

Allow room to experiment

Learning is not an instant process. It requires consistent focus and reflection. This is particularly true when an old habit needs to be unlearned. Factor in time to experiment into daily workloads. Create practice fields where people can access coaches and trainers so they can make mistakes without disrupting the change agenda.

Team dynamics directly influence the behaviours of every team member. Leaders are accountable for the dynamics in their teams. With resilience training from experienced positive psychology trainers, anyone can learn how to build a thriving team with positive dynamics. Contact Eleanor Shakiba today to discuss team building strategies for your organisation.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor specialises in positive psychology training and coaching. She works with HR and L&D teams create vibrant organisational cultures, by delivering training that makes a difference. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. Her passion is fostering the success of ‘positive deviants’ in the workplace. Download a copy of Eleanor’s free ebook Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners.

By Eleanor Shakiba Impact tips 0 Comments

Retreats

Did you know Eleanor Shakiba runs retreats for trainers and course creators? We’ve moved them from Bali to NSW this year, because of Covid19. Join a group of like-minded professionals as you master the art of crafting teaching metaphors, building resilience and using tools from Positive Psychology to design cutting-edge programs. Find out more here.

 

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