By Eleanor Shakiba Impact tips 0 Comments

7 signs you’re too self-conscious

If you think self-consciousness is a problem, think again. It is a unique human ability! Indeed, psychologists say self-awareness is a defining characteristic that separates humans from other species. It is a valuable capability. However, when you begin thinking about your ‘self’ too much, you can become self-conscious. This is a distressing state, in which you ruminate about how others see you. It feels uncomfortable and diminishes your sense of personal power and confidence. Here is a quick checklist to help you assess the extent to which you are overly self-conscious.

 You feel awkward and ill at ease around strangers
 You’re always worried about what people think of you
 You backpedal in conversations or don’t share your opinions to avoid conflict
 You feel like you always have to be ‘on’
 You second-guess yourself often
 You zero in on your perceived imperfections
 You have negative body language or bad posture

 

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Fortunately, there are practical steps you can take to overcome self-consciousness. The trick is to redirect your attention outwards or into an activity. In other words, stop ruminating and start doing something else. Options to consider include:

  • Complimenting someone else
  • Asking questions
  • Helping someone else
  • Doing something you really enjoy
  • Going for a walk
  • Joining a group conversation
  • Commenting on something interesting and starting a discussion about it

Keep in mind that a little bit of self-consciousness is useful. It helps you behave appropriately, act towards goals and learn from mistakes. Just don’t let it turn into rumination or self-criticism. If you need more tips on how to keep your self-awareness in positive mode, come along to one of my free webinars.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a well-known Australian trainer and coach. She’s passionate about creating vibrant workplace cultures where ‘positive deviants’ can thrive. She does this by partnering with HR and L&D teams to present bespoke training and development programs. Eleanor is qualified in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She also runs annual retreats for trainers and facilitators. Download a copy of Eleanor’s free ebook Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners.

By Eleanor Shakiba HR AND TRAINING TIPS 0 Comments

Thank goodness my first business failed!

When I left university, I couldn’t find a job. My parents’ prophecies about anthropology being an impractical degree turned out to be right. However, that didn’t stop me for long. What my studies lacked in practicality, they made up for in seeding a set of core values and interests. I graduated with a passion for cultural dynamics, a flair for writing and a fascination with myths and stories from around the world. I also had some work experience to draw on. During my gap year, I worked in a childcare centre. The combination of life experience and exotic studies sparked an idea.

I was going to set up a theatre company. It would focus on turning stories from around the world into a place for children. I found three other unemployed anthropologists and the Magic Story Plays theatre troupe was born. We were surprisingly successful for a group of recent graduates with no business experience. Indeed, we lasted five years. During that time, we toured our original plays around New South Wales. Our key achievement was gaining accreditation to perform in schools, in our final year of working together.

Unfortunately, we also had a few skill gaps. We had no idea about marketing or budgeting. This meant our plays were highly creative and popular. However, we never capitalised on potential markets. After five years of exhausting work, I was sick of the constant cycle of creating, rehearsing, touring. I decided I was getting old and needed to get a proper day job. I was twenty-four years old.

Seeking to eliminate the uncertainty of a performer’s income and routine, I found the safest job I could locate. So began my years as a library assistant. It didn’t take long for my job to become less than rewarding. To fill the creative void, I joined a Middle Eastern dance company. My natural creativity quickly drew me into assisting with marketing and promoting the company.

 

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Through all those experiences, I believed I was a failure. Looking back, of course, I now recognise a strong entrepreneurial spirit. I also smile at my natural creativity and ability to step into growth mindset mode. Of course, the lessons I learned in those years subsequently paid off when I set up my current business.

The most important thing I learned was that although it’s my strength, my creativity can only get me so far. To thrive in business, I had to develop focus and discipline. My creativity often still prompts me to invent even more projects. But now, I ask myself how those projects will contribute to my business’s success. If the answer is ‘not at all’, I don’t do it.

I’ve also learned that dabbling in areas of my own weakness is not a good idea. These days, I outsource bookkeeping and accounting because I’m just no good at it. I realise that this doesn’t mean my lack of confidence. It means I lack competence and need to source appropriately skilled help.

Ah, the difference between competence and confidence. This is the biggest lesson I’ve learned through all my business ventures. Realising I don’t have to master everything has freed me to focus on what I do best. This has subtly influenced my confidence and self-assurance. That’s probably because being creative takes me into my zone of flow, which allows me to operate in best self-mode.

This is a lesson I often share with participants in my courses on building confidence and self-esteem. Although everyone needs to find their own way of working in ‘the zone’, I know that when people work from strengths, they proposer and flourish. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if you do things that don’t work out. Your failures create a pathway to future success.

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About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology training. Her core strength is creativity, which she expresses in the training room through storytelling and visual design. She has dedicated her career to helping experienced professionals break through glass ceilings by developing their confidence, communication skills and leadership mastery. Eleanor is qualified in a range of fields including Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba HR AND TRAINING TIPS 0 Comments

Fast track your course design with these 3 tricks

Ah. Trainers are creative beasts. Unfortunately, this leads to many inefficient, but fun, work habits. For example, I love playing with colour and design. This means I can dedicate many hours to PowerPoint design, even when my presentation will only be used once. From a business perspective, obviously this is not the best use of my time.

Luckily, I’ve been around long enough to have developed some more effective work practices. There are dozens of ways trainers can save time and energy. From leaving our travel bags packed and ready to go after every trip, through to reviewing our IT systems, smart trainers are organised trainers.

My favourite three tricks for saving time and working smarter are outlined below. I’d love to hear your ideas as well. How many of you already use these techniques?

If you’re going to do it more than once, create a template

Although our content changes from session to session, our basic work systems shortened. You will save hours each week if you use consistent templates for PowerPoint, session plans and participant manuals. But these are just the tip of the iceberg. You can also develop templates for project plans, work procedures, course outlines and promotional content.

 

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Stop typing

Most trainers are pretty good at talking. We know how to improvise and express ideas. So why do we spend hours typing our training notes? Newsflash! Dictation is faster than typing – even if you type exceptionally well. So make use of voice recognition software. If you find it’s not accurate enough try using ‘transcribe from recording’ instead of live dictation. It seems to be more accurate in many cases.

Outsource formatting and layout tasks

You’re a presenter, not a graphic designer. Outsourcing makes sense. Not only will your documents look far superior when you outsource design, you’ll also save yourself a lot of time. Yes, I know that playing with PowerPoint and Word layouts can be enjoyable. The bottom line, though, is that you are a course creator. Spend your time on strategic tasks, and delegate or outsource the nitty-gritty formatting jobs.

Remember that saying no to admin tasks frees you to focus on developing your stage skills and mastering new content. Do the maths. If you saved two hours a week on non-essential work, imagine what you could learn over 365 days in a year.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a positive psychology trainer and coach. Her passion is teaching skills for positive thinking, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Her clients work in academia, education, IT, engineering, finance and health. Eleanor is qualified in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She’s the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners , a free resource for trainers.

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

What is positive deviance? by Eleanor Shakiba

This video is part of a positive psychology series. Find out more about positive psychology in Eleanor’s free eBook, the Positive Psychology Toolkit.

Build a vibrant workplace culture with positive deviance. Exceptional people solve problems differently to the rest of us. These are who we call ‘positive deviants’. They think and behave in ways that break the norm. Hear Eleanor Shakiba explain how this approach can change organisations for the better. With positive psychology training, you can learn how to spot them within your organisation and use their behaviours to improve the output of others. Explore resilience training techniques for identifying and harnessing positive deviancy.

This video on positive deviance is part of a playlist of positive psychology videos by master trainer, Eleanor Shakiba. If you’re looking for resilience videos or positive thinking videos, subscribe to Eleanor’s channel for regular updates. To book Eleanor to train your team, visit her official site at Think Learn Succeed. To purchase training materials on resilience, learned optimism and employee wellbeing, visit the Think Learn Succeed shop.
 


 

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About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology. Her passion is teaching talented people to use social and emotional intelligence to excel in business. These skills centre around building positive mindsets, proactive communication habits and purposeful leadership behaviours. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba Impact tips 0 Comments

I have Dupuytren’s Disease. Here’s what it’s taught me

Ouch. Breaking my wrist wasn’t fun. Double ouch. Six months later, I found out the accident had triggered a genetic hand condition called Dupuytren’s disease. This is a progressive and potentially disabling condition which can cause the fingers to contract and stay permanently bent in. Coming to terms with this disease and its possible implications has been a test of my resilience. However, it’s also been a huge learning curve. Here are some of the most important things I’ve learned whilst investigating treatments and choosing the best advisers.

View yourself as a consumer, not a patient

Since my diagnosis, I joined a number of support groups for people with Dupuytren’s disease. As a resilience and assertiveness trainer, this has been a fascinating experience. I’ve been surprised by the number of people who view themselves as being at the mercy of surgeons’ decisions. Indeed, I was so struck by the impact this can have on patient wellbeing, I created a set of four videos on assertiveness and resilience for Dupuytren’s patients. I truly believe that finding the right treatment involves an individual asking assertive questions and getting honest responses from their medical advisors.

The best consultants really do…consult

In my interviews with potential hand surgeons, I noticed a common theme. The doctors at the top of their field had outstanding communication skills. This isn’t really surprising, as research has demonstrated a clear link between professional success and emotional intelligence. What really struck me was that the best surgeons treated me as an equal and positioned our conversation as a consultation. The less skilled surgeons took an authority stance and lectured me on the best course of action from their perspective.

 

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You don’t look stupid if you ask high quality questions

My discussion with other Dupuytren’s patients has frequently revealed that people hesitate to ask questions of their doctors. Why is this? They’re scared of looking stupid, because they lack subject matter expertise. Well, I don’t let that hold me back. After all, you can’t expect to be an expert in everything. I found the best surgeons were very willing to answer my questions. And they even became more ‘human’ when I prefixed these with a quick disclaimer. I simply pointed out that I like to have a fuller understanding of my situation before choosing a treatment. I was therefore going to ask questions that probably seemed basic to them.

Sharing your assumptions and fears is a great way to clear anxiety

Okay. I’m a positive psychology trainer. However, my natural bent for pessimism and catastrophic thinking means I can easily become anxious. My creativity makes things worse, because it enables me to construct outrageously scary scenarios about what might go wrong. I’ve learned that the easiest way to put these aside, is to share them with the experts. Doing this elicits extra information, which allows me to think more constructively. This is such a useful technique. It’s a firm foundation for many of the skills I teach in my Dupuytren’s resilience training program.

Decisions do not stand alone, they’re part of a decision pathway

When you’re diagnosed with a significant condition, it’s easy to assume your first treatment will be the last. However, the progressive nature of Dupuytren’s disease means patients are wise to shift this mindset. The most resilience Dupuytren’s patients I’ve talked with see their treatment choices as a series of linked decisions. I’ve noticed that people who are skilled in rational thinking tend to naturally see their situation this way. Others need to learn the basics of critical thinking and decision-making in order to feel confident in their choices.

Overall, it’s possible to learn from any life event. I definitely wouldn’t choose to have this disease, but now it’s been triggered, I am committed to using my positive psychology skills to help both myself and others in the Dupuytren’s community.

If you’d like more information about how to use positive psychology, download my Positive Psychology Toolkit for free here.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a positive psychology trainer and coach. She works with ‘positive deviants’ to build positive mindsets, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Since 1994, Eleanor has been teaching talented people how to think, communicate and behave in ways that build success. She holds qualifications in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She’s known for her dynamic training style and passion for experiential learning techniques. Download a copy of Eleanor’s free ebook Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners.

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

“He’s so lazy he solves problems brilliantly”

Is a team member who designs shortcuts lazy or brilliant? This question sparked hot debate in a recent positive leadership workshop in an engineering company. Craig was an experienced manager. He was bemoaning the ‘bad work ethic’ of a long-term employee on his team. Apparently, this team member had devised a range of shortcuts which enabled him to significantly reduce time spent on repetitive tasks.

Craig claimed this meant the employee spent a lot of time ‘lounging around’. Cynthia pointed out that this might not be laziness, it might be an example of savvy work redesign. The group then had an in-depth discussion of what being a ‘hard worker’ in the age of knowledge working means.

This discussion was an ideal starting point for a session on positive deviance. What is fascinating about positively deviant workers is that they solve problems without effort or fanfare. They naturally think differently to their teammates. This means they spontaneously find new ways to do things and subtly shift the dynamics of workplace interaction. Whenever I teach the theory of positive deviance, I see a small proportion of leaders’ eyes light up. Typically, these leaders are themselves positive deviants and naturally see the connection between constructively ‘abnormal’ behaviour and organisational success.

You’ve heard me talking about positive deviance before because it’s one of my favourite topics. These days I specialise in working with positively deviant leaders and HR practitioners. During thousands of hours of coaching and training, I’ve learned there are some important things we need to remember when working with positive deviants in our businesses. By definition, they’re not like the rest of us. This is why they’re so valuable. However, they are often misunderstood or maligned – just like Craig’s employee. Smart trainers and facilitators know how to spot and bring out the best in their positive deviants. So how can you do this?

 

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Here are a few simple techniques which are based on positive psychology training and positive deviance models. Remember that positive deviants often don’t fit in. This means they may tend to work alone or naturally gravitate to roles such as internal consultants in which they can thrive.

Problems don’t look the same to positive deviants. Indeed, because they’re quirky and creative, positive deviants often don’t even see that a problem exists. Instead, they take action and find spontaneously brilliant workarounds or solutions. Highly attuned leaders spot this behaviour and encourage positive deviants to share their new ways of working so teams can accelerate their success.

Solution focused thinking is the positive deviant’s standard way of operating. This means they will become frustrated in meetings which focus on why problems exist, or why those issues can’t be solved. They don’t ask questions like this. They are curious and spontaneous – naturally building solutions where others see barriers. Great leaders tap into this ability.

Of course, trainers and coaches can be positive deviants, too! If this sounds like you, you can find out more about positive psychology training techniques in the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This free resource is brought to you by Eleanor Shakiba and the team at Think Learn Succeed.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a trainer and coach, with a passion for unleashing the power of positive deviance in talented people. She has taught more than 50,000 people how to excel professionally. An expert in the field of Positive Psychology, Eleanor is also qualified in Social Anthropology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She specialises in helping HR and L&D practitioners to unleash the power of positive psychology in business. Her major focus in developing three key areas that support positive workplace cultures: positive mindset, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. Download your free copy here.

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

Resilience when things go wrong by Eleanor Shakiba

When things go wrong, how do you react? Do you push back and ‘fight’ the problem? Do you give up and feel helpless? These reactions are a clear sign you’re in fight or flight mode. Unfortunately, staying in either mode for more than a few days will lead to burnout. In this video, confidence and resilience coach, Eleanor Shakiba, explains how to step into a more balanced and ‘ecological’ state. Watch Resilience When Things Go Wrong.
 


 

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About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology. Her passion is teaching talented people to use social and emotional intelligence to excel in business. These skills centre around building positive mindsets, proactive communication habits and purposeful leadership behaviours. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba HR AND TRAINING TIPS 0 Comments

12 tools for smart trainers: stagecraft and movement

Great trainers are skilled in holding a group’s attention. You know you’re doing this well when people say “Wow! Is it lunchtime already?” How do you make comments like this the norm in your training sessions? By mastering skills such as storytelling, experiential learning and – my favourite – stagecraft for trainers. So, what is stagecraft and how can you master it?

In film and theatre, the term stagecraft refers to the technical aspects of production. It includes building sets, sourcing props, creating lighting plans and working out how performers will use space. In public speaking and presenting contexts, the term is used more narrowly. It refers to the use of space by a speaker. The purpose of mastering stagecraft is to enhance your impact on an audience.

Obviously, experienced trainers and facilitators know that movement makes your presentations more interesting. How else can you use stagecraft to excel in your field? Here are a few advanced techniques to experiment with. They’re particularly useful for positive psychology trainers and consultants who want to wow an audience.

 

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Set anchors

My favourite stagecraft technique is stage anchoring. In positive psychology training contexts, an anchor can be anything that helps reinforce your point ‘subliminally’. It could be a slideshow, a flashy display, or a flipchart. Stage anchors can also be specific spots where you stand, instead of a prop or display.

Design slides to complement your presentation
Build gaps into your presentation with a neutral slide, where you can step forward and speak directly to your audience. Get into the light yourself, make eye contact and smile! Restore the human dimension to your presentation with a personal story, a question, an appropriate anecdote or a bit of humour.

Shift your energy

High impact training isn’t created by what you say. It’s how you say it. Savvy trainers know that shifts in energy keep people engaged. To increase energy use these tips.

  • Take up a position at the front of the stage
  • Lean forward slightly
  • Stand upright, holding any tension in your shoulders and neck
  • Keep your head up and your chin tucked in
  • Position your feet around hip-width apart

To decrease energy try these techniques.

  • Move to the back of your stage area
  • Lean slightly away from the group
  • Hunch your shoulders forward slightly
  • Hang your head
  • Stand with your feet tight together

Want to improve your stagecraft skills? Enrol in a trainers’ master class with Eleanor Shakiba today.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology training. Her core strength is creativity, which she expresses in the training room through storytelling and visual design. She has dedicated her career to helping experienced professionals break through glass ceilings by developing their confidence, communication skills and leadership mastery. Eleanor is qualified in a range of fields including Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

Positive deviance: my favourite positive psychology principle

Exceptional people solve problems differently to the rest of us. Often, they don’t even realise that problems exist. They simply find ways to get great results. These people are ‘positive deviants’. By paying attention to their behaviours, you’ll discover effective methods for tackling existing problems. Positive deviance theory provides a framework for doing this. In this article, you’ll discover what positive deviance is and how it can be used to build vibrant workplace cultures.

Jerry and Monique Sternin were the first to apply the concept of positive deviance in the real world. In the 1990s, the Sternins visited Vietnam and worked with Save the Children. In villages where malnourishment was prevalent, they found outliers with healthy children. The families with well-nourished children had access to the same resources as others but produced successful outcomes.

By studying the behaviours of the healthy families, the Sternins developed a nutrition program that the entire community could follow to reproduce the same results. The program produces a 74% reduction in malnutrition among children who participated in the program. It was based on applying five key steps, which positive psychology trainers now use in culture-building and team-building initiatives. Here’s a quick overview of those steps.

 

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Define the problem

The first step is to define the problem. In a corporate setting, this requires input from people at all levels. It is also useful to get your customers involved in defining problems.

Evaluate common practices

After defining the problem, start evaluating the practices that people follow that result in unsatisfactory outcomes. Interview the people who are directly involved in the areas that you want to improve. The ones performing the work are best equipped to explain the procedures that they follow.

Evaluate uncommon practices

As you begin evaluating common practices, you are likely to come across uncommon practices employed by a select few individuals. Look for the uncommon practices that provide the best results.

Compare practices

Comparing the common and uncommon practices allows you to determine what does and doesn’t work. Use this information to draft new business procedures that incorporate the positive deviant behaviours that you identified.

Develop an initiative

As with any business strategy, you need to continue monitoring the impact of new business procedures. Choose specific metrics to track to monitor progress and evaluate the success of the initiative.

Every organisation has positive deviants. With the help of positive psychology trainers, you can learn how to spot them within your organisation and use their behaviours to improve the output of others. Contact Eleanor Shakiba to explore resilience training techniques for identifying and harnessing positive deviancy.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a trainer and coach, with a passion for unleashing the power of positive deviance in talented people. She has taught more than 50,000 people how to excel professionally. An expert in the field of Positive Psychology, Eleanor is also qualified in Social Anthropology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She specialises in helping HR and L&D practitioners to unleash the power of positive psychology in business. Her major focus in developing three key areas that support positive workplace cultures: positive mindset, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. Download your free copy here.

By Eleanor Shakiba Impact tips 0 Comments

Onsite training

Did you know Eleanor Shakiba can run training at your workplace? Courses are custom designed to meet the needs of your team. Choose from topics such as positive psychology, leadership, breakthrough communication and dealing with difficult people. Find out more here.

 

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