Category: Impact tips

If you want to be more confident, no doubt you’ve tried thinking positive thoughts about yourself. Indeed, this is a strategy many self-help gurus advocate. However, it turns out the link between thoughts and feelings isn’t as simple as this approach implies. In fact, it can lead to you getting the process of confidence building totally wrong.

Yes, there is a proven connection between thoughts and feelings. And, yes, shifting your thoughts can impact your emotional states. However, it’s important to recognise that the influence works the other way, too. This is important to know if you’re working on your confidence.

Richard Petty is a distinguished professor of psychology at Ohio State University. He’s been exploring the link between thinking patterns and behaviour for decades. His studies on the impact of confidence on behaviour are fascinating. Essentially, Petty has shown that the more confident someone feels when they think of a thought, the more likely they are to act upon that thought. While this might sound like common sense, in fact, it’s not. That’s because Petty also found that the state of confidence does not have to be directly linked to the thought itself. In other words, if you’re feeling confidence, then you are more likely to believe what you think in that moment. The practical implications of this can be huge.

For example, you might be thinking it would be nice to set up your own business. If you felt confident when you thought this, you’d be more likely to take action – regardless of whether you knew how! As Petty puts it, “Confidence magnifies what you’re already thinking.” That’s great if you’re thinking ambitiously. It’s not quite so useful if you’re thinking pessimistically.

Fortunately, Petty has also demonstrated that it’s surprisingly easy to boost your confidence. Simply ‘manipulating’ your physical posture can significantly influence how much you believe what you are thinking. Petty demonstrated this by studying over 150,000 people. His research showed that simply asking people to nod their heads whilst thinking about their personal attributes could significantly impact the extent to which volunteers believe those thoughts.

The same was true for negative thoughts. Volunteers who nodded whilst thinking negative things about themselves, believe those thoughts more than people who shook their heads. Petty experimented with various other postural changes, all of which demonstrated the same impact on confidence levels. And then, as a ripple effect, the believability of a thought. He found that when people slump, they are less confident about what they’re thinking. When they sit upright, they become more confident.

Ultimately, then, if you want to ‘believe in yourself’ more, make sure you’re adopting a confident posture before thinking about your own abilities to take action.

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a trainer and coach, with a passion for unleashing the power of positive deviance in talented people. She has taught more than 50,000 people how to excel professionally. An expert in the field of Positive Psychology, Eleanor is also qualified in Social Anthropology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She specialises in helping HR and L&D practitioners to unleash the power of positive psychology in business. Her major focus in developing three key areas that support positive workplace cultures: positive mindset, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. Download your free copy here.

Most people assume I am an extravert. After all, I spend my days working with groups and being centre stage of learning experiences. However, I have a strong preference for introversion. My delight in training comes from seeing people grow and develop rather than the performance side of training. I’ve worked with hundreds of trainers and HR specialists in my years as a consultant. This has given me ample opportunity to observe the differences between extraverted and introverted facilitators. Perhaps I’m biased, but I believe introverts are far better facilitators than more extraverted types. Not sure you agree? Here are four key strengths I observed in introverted facilitators.

Introverts read the room superbly

Especially when they have a well-developed intuitive function, introverts have an outstanding ability to pick up and understand the buy in a room. This means they spontaneously intervene in ways which redirects group energy. Many of the best facilitators I’ve known have been introverts with a flair for detecting subsurface conflict or resistance. The most gifted of these, are usually also exceptionally skilled at helping individuals work through tension points or zones of disagreement.

They listen to understand

Ah, yes. We all know introverts are fabulous listeners. This is because they pay attention to subtle changes in body language and tonality, which may be overlooked by more extraverted types. In facilitation context, this strength powers up the introvert’s ability to understand and connect with group members.

Introverts condense complex ideas into simple messages

This makes them great trainers. Introverts prefer to fully develop ideas before expressing them. This means that introverted facilitators tend to have a knack for boiling down complex ideas until they become easy to explain. Learners therefore often experience introverted trainers as easy to understand and skilled in teaching frameworks and models.

Introverts put the spotlight on others, not themselves

To me, this is the greatest strength of the introverted facilitator. It enables the introverts to guide learning or decision-making processes, whilst at the same time seemingly being invisible. This helps foster a safe learning environment. And it also means that group members find it easier to engage in meaningful conversation and experimentation.

Overall, as I matured in my own facilitation approach, I’ve come to realise that my introverted preference is a huge bonus. It occasionally leads me to become worn out after too much group interaction. But my introversion also allows me to work as a trusted partner to many inspiring groups and individuals. Many of whom would have no idea that I’m not an extravert at all!

Eleanor Shakiba is a specialist in positive psychology and resilience training. She is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. Download your copy of this inspiring free resource for facilitation experts here.

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology. Her passion is teaching talented people to use social and emotional intelligence to excel in business. These skills centre around building positive mindsets, proactive communication habits and purposeful leadership behaviours. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

Did you know Eleanor provides coaching for trainers, course creators and L&D consultants? Get the support you need when planning your training program, leading a training team or setting up your L&D consultancy. Download your free coaching starter pack.

People talk about self-consciousness as though it’s a bad thing. I prefer to see it as an extension of self-awareness. Drawing a distinction between these two ways of thinking about yourself can be helpful. Especially if you’re prone to second-guessing yourself when interacting with others. In other words, if your self-awareness has gone too far, there is something you can do about it.

So what is the difference between being self-aware and being self-conscious? After all, we often speak of self-awareness as though it’s a valuable characteristic. Yet, on the other hand, we seem to assume that self-consciousness is exactly the opposite. Here’s how psychologists define the two states. Self-awareness involves thinking about your actions or thought patterns as you experience them. Being self-aware is a foundation for learning from experience.

Self-consciousness involves adding a critical tone to your self-awareness. This makes it a catalyst for self-doubt and low confidence. However, by reframing your relationship to ‘thinking about thinking’, you can learn to switch from self-conscious to self-aware quickly and easily.

Doing this means capitalising on the fact that both self-consciousness and self-awareness involves turning your attention to words. Essentially, both processes involve ‘thinking about your thinking’. This is one of the most remarkable things your mind is capable of. So instead of perceiving it as a flaw, why not frame it as one of your talents? Now all you need to do is shift the way you apply that talent. There are two simple ways to do this. Both will help you to feel more relaxed and shift from self-conscious to self-aware in just a few moments.

Technique 1: turn your critical voice into a teaching voice

When you’re feeling self-conscious, the real problem is what you are thinking about your ‘self’. There are different ways that you can think about self. The first is to be aware of yourself as an independent agent of action. The second is to think about yourself as being viewed by others. When you’re thinking self-consciously, you’re likely to be assuming that other people are judging you. This assumption is then reflected in the way you talk to yourself internally. The simple solution is to challenge your internal voice. For example, you might tell yourself that others are focused on themselves, not you. Or you might dispute the critical voice by asking, “What evidence is there that others are thinking that?”

Technique number two: focus outwards, not inwards

If focusing on yourself is proving uncomfortable, shift the direction of your attention. This is such a simple strategy, but so few of us use it! The next time you’re feeling self-conscious, try it out. Look around and find someone or something else to focus on. Challenge yourself to find something intriguing or beautiful. Look for positives in your environment. Or if you’re in conversation with someone else, ask questions to draw them out. Think of yourself as an interviewer who is trying to bring out the best in your conversational partner.

Both of these techniques are easy to apply and highly effective. If you’re working on boosting your confidence, try them out. And if you need more help, remember that we are always here.

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a positive psychology trainer and coach. She works with ‘positive deviants’ to build positive mindsets, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Since 1994, Eleanor has been teaching talented people how to think, communicate and behave in ways that build success. She holds qualifications in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She’s known for her dynamic training style and passion for experiential learning techniques. Download a copy of Eleanor’s free ebook Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners.

In 2018 I made a significant shift in my coaching practice. I started saying “no” to remedial coaching. Why? Remedial coaching aims to address behavioural or mindset problems. It is tough work and involves working with resistant or outright hostile clients. These are people with ‘sendee syndrome’ as facilitators say. Often, coaching is a final step in a disciplinary process for these employees. They aren’t committed to change and just want to go through the motions of turning up because ‘HR said so’.

The early part of my career was dedicated to training and coaching in conflict resolution. So working with this type of client was normal for me. However, specialising in this area meant I was often exposed to negative or hostile people, who didn’t really want to learn. Deciding to shift the focus of my business meant turning towards a more inspiring and proactive type of client. Indeed, I soon realised that my ideal client is the exact opposite of a negative deviant – it’s a so-called ‘positive deviant’ and high achieving professional. In particular, I thrive when coaching ambitious, experienced and high achieving people who think in quirky ways. These tend to be the glass ceiling breakers and the knowledge workers in our organisations.

Positive deviants are not easy to work with. They face a range of unique challenges because they think differently to others within their organisations. This can mean they face unique challenges in relation to communicating their ideas and getting others onside. As naturally curious and innovative thinkers, though, these people are always a pleasure to work with. What do I like specifically about working with positive deviants?

Positive deviants are naturally goal oriented

Drive and determination bring out the best in coaching clients. Because positive deviants tend to have ambitious and significant goals, they are fascinating to work with. Many positive deviants see themselves as mavericks. This means when they find a coach who understands their way of thinking, they naturally become highly motivated coaching clients.

They see solutions where others see problems

The most interesting thing about positive deviants is they tend to not even notice problems. Their curiosity mindsets focus their attention on the intrigue of overcoming challenges. This means they step naturally into the solution focused mode of thinking. The result is a fast paced, creative and dynamic approach to getting results. An ideal client for me, because I love working with results-oriented people.

Many positive deviants crave robust feedback

As people who excel, positive deviants are often overlooked by their leaders. Less experienced leaders often focus on performance problems, rather than seeing the benefits of creating stretch goals and giving feedback to positive deviants. This means that positive deviants thrive in the coaching environment, especially when they have a coach who is willing to point out thinking patterns or behaviours which are slowing down success.

Focusing on positive deviants allows organisations to accelerate change

After all, it is the positive deviants who do things differently. They naturally step into the zone of excellence. This means their efforts tend to have significant impact on both team and organisational outcomes. The rewards of working with people who create ripple effects of positivity are numerous. This is why I would rather have fewer clients, but positively deviant clients, in my coaching business these days.

To find out more about bringing out the best in positive deviants, download Eleanor Shakiba’s free e-book. The Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners is a great resource for any trainer or facilitator who is eager to find out more about positive psychology.

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a trainer and coach, with a passion for unleashing the power of positive deviance in talented people. She has taught more than 50,000 people how to excel professionally. An expert in the field of Positive Psychology, Eleanor is also qualified in Social Anthropology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She specialises in helping HR and L&D practitioners to unleash the power of positive psychology in business. Her major focus in developing three key areas that support positive workplace cultures: positive mindset, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. Download your free copy here.

Trainers! Did you know Eleanor sells a Plug N Play Resilience training kit? It contains everything you need to deliver resilience workshops based on robust Positive Psychology research. No tacky clipart or poorly designed activities. Simply everything you need to deliver engaging training without hours of design work. Download it instantly here.

If you’re searching for ways to boost confidence, you’ve probably come across claims that standing in the superhero pose will help. These claims are based on research by numerous psychologists. Probably the most well-known of these is Amy Cuddy. In 2010, she published the results of her experiments on body posture and psychological state. She claims that taking on ‘high-power’ body postures for as little as two minutes could increase tolerance for risk. This leads to hormonal shifts in the brain which support assertive action. Over time, the results of this experiment were interpreted. They found that taking on a superhero-style stand for a few minutes allows you to feel more powerful and behave more confidently.

Of course, this idea is intriguing. After all, it seems to suggest that confidence can be manufactured at will. Unfortunately, it turns out this isn’t quite the case. Instead, it seems that adopting a confident posture amplifies whatever thoughts you’re having at the time.

How do we know this? A separate research study conducted by the team at Ohio University has shown that posture can influence whether or not you act on a thought.

How did they find this out? They split a group of volunteers into two groups. The first group was instructed to think about their best qualities. The second group was told to focus on their worst qualities. The researchers then tracked the degree to which those thoughts were ‘taken on’ under different circumstances. First, they instructed both groups to adopt doubtful postures. For example, slumping, avoiding eye contact and frowning. Next, the groups were asked to shift into postures reflective of high confidence. Examples of these postures included sitting upright nodding the head and smiling confidently. The results were fascinating. It didn’t matter whether the volunteer had been instructed to think positive thoughts or negative ones. Their posture made the thoughts more believable. In other words, thoughts have a bigger impact when you’re in a confident posture.

The lead researcher on the project, Richard Petty, summarises the results of the study by saying, “Confidence magnifies your thinking.” He points out that this can be both a blessing and a curse. If you’re in a confident posture when you think negatively about yourself, you’re more likely to internalise this self-defeating idea.

So if you want to boost your confidence, how can this research help you? Here are a few strategies you might find useful. Firstly, make sure you’re in a confident posture if you’re using cognitive reframing (also known as thought disputation) techniques. If you’re into affirmations, the same principle would apply.

Secondly, if your self-talk is starting to take a negative tone, avoid nodding or moving into confident postures. Instead, shake your head. It sounds like a simple technique, but Petty discovered it’s remarkably effective. It seems your brain finds it difficult to complete a negative thought that your body is actively rejecting through postural changes. This is a great example of the power of incongruence between what you think and how you express yourself.

Thirdly, remember that open, upright posture is far healthier than slouching. Even if going into superhero pose doesn’t make you more confident, it will definitely improve your physical state. Add a bit of exercise to your daily routine, and you’re setting yourself up to promote thriving at a physical as well as a mental level. Always remember that thriving states can be possible for anyone. If you’re finding low confidence or self-doubt are holding you back, remember there’s a lot you can do to change.

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a positive psychology trainer. She designs bespoke programs for organisations and individuals who want to promote ‘positive deviance’ in business. Her expertise in teaching social and emotional intelligence skills makes Eleanor a highly sought-after facilitator. Eleanor’s qualifications are in Positive Psychology, Social Anthropology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners.

If ever there was a year to specialise in resilience training, 2020 was it. March and April were scary months for me. Long-term clients were shutting their doors permanently. For the first time in 14 years, my business was in trouble. As I adjusted to the thought of retiring early, the phone began ringing. Smart HR practitioners and leaders realised their people needed support. Standard resilience training wasn’t going to be sufficient. Smart leaders wanted training that would engage and connect. Training with great content, stories and interactive exercises.

To solve this problem, I developed my pandemic psychology and resilience program. This has proved to be a hit in a number of industries. Designing this program made me revisit the basic principles of resilience and thriving in adversity. Thus, I was observing my own coping skills, plus those of the small businesses in my community. From this processing of experience, I learned some deep lessons which have translated into my resilience program content.

Passion and purpose make the difference to survival

In the early days of social distancing regulations, a number of cafés in my area shutdown permanently. Not so with my favourite coffee shop. Indeed, this spot became a favourite haunt of many locals. Why? Because despite a significant drop in business, the owners remained positive. They responded to the times by introducing a new range of comfort food. Sweet treats, soup and new breakfast dishes drew the crowds. Not only that, my 10 minutes coffee excursion became my daily shot of positive connection. It was the community that gathered in this spot that made the difference.

Surprisingly few people have mastered ‘mental hygiene’

I was commissioned to run several webinars on resilience and pandemic psychology. These free sessions drew hundreds of people to each webinar. As I responded to participants’ questions, I was struck by how little knowledge many people possess around basic emotion regulation skills. These skills are essential in tough times. Distress levels were high for many people because they did not know how to self soothe and assess risk in a logical manner.

Great leaders foster hope during tough times

I worked with a number of healthcare teams and frontline response teams during the pandemic. What was glaringly obvious was that teams whose leaders focus them on a hopeful vision of the future thrived. In teams where leaders became stressed, anxious or disheartened, team morale dropped and individual coping skills suffered. If there is one key message I take from this, it’s that leadership is easy in bright times. When clouds descend, the optimism and hopefulness of a leader makes the difference between those who burn out and those who cope.

To learn in tough times, people need help processing their experiences

It’s one thing to deliver a resilience presentation. It’s a significantly different matter to teach the thinking and behaviour habits that foster mental stamina. Great training enables people to work through the emotions, such as fear or panic, which potentially block learning. And it presents simple and actionable tools which people can apply immediately after the session.

Like everyone, I learned many new skills and created a range of new habits during COVID-19 19. Yet, I kept coming back to the basic principles of positive psychology. I am deeply grateful that I had experience in this field before facing the significant challenges COVID-19 presented to my business. If you’re an HR practitioner or trainer who believes positive psychology can help your people, download my Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners here.

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology. Her passion is teaching talented people to use social and emotional intelligence to excel in business. These skills centre around building positive mindsets, proactive communication habits and purposeful leadership behaviours. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

Did you know Eleanor can run an online workshop for your team? Your session will be interactive and high energy, just like Eleanor’s classroom training. Keep everyone safe by delivering this year’s training online. Popular sessions include resilience, pandemic psychology, negotiation skills and leading virtual teams. Check out the full range of options here.

Overthinking is a huge barrier to productivity and achievement. While it’s sensible to think things through, you can take this process too far. Signs you’ve move beyond critical thinking into rumination or overthinking include:

• Endlessly debating the pros and cons of an idea
• Continuously searching for new information, rather than making a decision
• Obsessing about small details
• Creating multiple scenarios about the future in your mind
• Taking much longer than your peers to make simple decisions

There are many triggers for overthinking. Behind most of them, though, runs a common theme. Fear of failure or social shame. Early childhood experiences can contribute to this type of fear. However, you’re not a child anymore. As an independent adult, you can choose to change your habits. And this includes the thinking habits that lead to rumination and procrastination.

Yes, overthinking is simply a habit. That habit might have formed as a way of protecting yourself from criticism, teasing or punishment. Seen this way, it’s a sensible strategy. But it doesn’t have to be your only strategy. If you’re finding overthinking is becoming a problem, it’s time to install some alternative behavioural options.

Fortunately, creating new habits is surprisingly simple. The key to success is finding behaviours you can substitute for the old ones. For example, imagine someone who is trying to quit eating biscuits during their tea break. Most people would try to change this habit by focusing on not eating biscuits. Brain smart people, though, would do something different. They’d substitute a healthy food (like fruit) for their old treat. Having an alternative readily available, would make it much easier to change behaviour in this situation.

Ditching your overthinking habit can be just as simple. So what’s the behaviour you need to adjust? Psychologists have shown it’s the process of thinking without pausing. Knowing this makes it simple to change. All you have to do is hit the pause button.

Stop a moment and think about that. Instead of letting your mind race, you need to find a moment of stillness. This breaks the cycle of rumination and catastrophic thinking. Technically, you’re doing a ‘pattern interruption’. In other words, you’re disrupting your habitual pattern of unhelpful thinking.

Once you’ve paused your thoughts, the next step is to redirect them. My favourite technique for doing this is the ‘3-2-1 strategy’. This simply involves counting down from 3 to 1 and then choosing your next action. There are three options to choose from.

• 3-2-1 act now
• 3-2-1 refuse
• 3-2-1 refer

As the name suggests, ‘3-2-1 act now’ involves taking immediate action. The point of this strategy is to move from procrastination to action mode. If this feels confronting, remember that if your first action doesn’t work, you can do something else. At least you’ve broken the pattern of indecisiveness that your previous thinking style created.

The ‘3-2-1 refuse’ strategy is used to say “no” to others’ requests or to discard unhelpful ideas before they waste too much time. Put this strategy to use by simply saying no and moving on to your preferred course of action.

Finally, the ‘3-2-1 refer’ strategy is useful when you need to seek others’ opinions or get expert advice. The idea here is to frame a question and seek answers from someone with subject matter expertise. It can save you hours of research because you will be going to someone who already knows the answer to your question.

So there you have it. Three simple ways to move from overthinking to productive action. Remember that your confidence will grow as you shift your mindset.

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a trainer and coach, with a passion for unleashing the power of positive deviance in talented people. She has taught more than 50,000 people how to excel professionally. An expert in the field of Positive Psychology, Eleanor is also qualified in Social Anthropology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She specialises in helping HR and L&D practitioners to unleash the power of positive psychology in business. Her major focus in developing three key areas that support positive workplace cultures: positive mindset, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. Download your free copy here.