By Eleanor Shakiba DPME tips 0 Comments

People problems? Here’s what to do.

Handling people problems can challenge even the most seasoned manager. It’s frustrating, time-consuming and can derail your entire day. Yet, here’s the kicker— the emotional burden that comes with managing people is not widely acknowledged. Often, when you find yourself entangled in conflict or dealing with an emotionally charged situation, you’re left unsupported. Worse, the blame might even be laid on YOU. If this sounds all too familiar, it’s time to take action.

I want you to know something important. You’re not alone. The burden you’re carrying even has a name—toxic handling. It’s rarely discussed but is a major stressor for people managers. And just because your boss, HR, or peers might not fully understand this doesn’t mean your experience isn’t valid. I’ve been coaching and training managers since the mid 1990’s. And a recurring theme is how to manage the “people problem”.

For example, one manager said “I’ve been dealing with a toxic team member for months. It’s taken up so much of my time and energy, and now I’m completely exhausted.” This isn’t just stress—it’s burnout waiting to happen. And that’s concerning because burnout can lead to a loss of productivity, decreased job satisfaction, and ultimately, affect your overall well-being.

 

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Another team leader explained things this way, “I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells around certain team members.” That’s a day-to-day struggle that no leader should face alone. Managers facing toxic people problems deserve more than dismissive advice—they deserve real support.

That’s why I’ve stepped in to create Manager SOS. It’s an urgent advice service tailored specifically for managers just like you. Here’s how it works. You can book a private Zoom call with me, and together we’ll build a customised action plan. This isn’t cookie-cutter advice. You’ll get practical tips for navigating difficult conversations, backed by strategies that work.

You don’t need to keep carrying this on your own. If toxic handling is weighing you down, now is the time to act. Book your Manager SOS session today and take the first step towards resolving those people problems—and getting the support you deserve.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

By Eleanor Shakiba Momentum 0 Comments

Unwind and reboot – your guide to a revitalising holiday season

Yes. Another year has flown by and soon it will be time to wind down. But that isn’t always as easy as it sounds.  If you’re used to working at full speed, going into relaxation mode can be tricky.  Here are some tips to help you unwind and reboot during the holiday season. Remember, leaders with momentum look after themselves!

Choose your activities wisely

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of events in your calendar, remember that you don’t have to say yes to everything. Instead of feeling obligated to attend every event or party, be selective with your invitations. Prioritise activities you enjoy and set clear boundaries for yourself. Don’t be afraid to politely decline invitations or suggest alternative ways of spending time together, such as meeting up for a coffee or going for a walk.

Review the past year with gratitude

Take a moment to reflect on the past year with gratitude. Think about your accomplishments, challenges you overcame and lessons you learned. Write them down or share them with loved ones. Instead of sending end-of-year greetings, why not send thank-you notes to the people who made a positive impact on your life? This will not only make them feel appreciated, but it will also help you remember all the good things that happened throughout the year.

 

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By Eleanor Shakiba Confidence tips 0 Comments

Drama free teams: a manager’s guide

Are you a manager or supervisor struggling to handle team dramas or conflicts? If so, this week’s tips and video are for you! First up, you might be wondering how to tackle people problems. It’s a great question, so I made this video to give you a few general guidelines.

But now let’s consider what you can do when entire teams develop problematic relationships. For example, does it seem like your team has gone feral or turned into a really bad reality show. This is always a tough situation to handle but consider this: you might be inadvertently fuelling the fire. You see, sometimes the strategies managers use to ‘resolve’ conflict actually feed. This then traps everyone in what I call the Team Drama Cycle.

So, what exactly is the Team Drama Cycle? It’s a toxic communication pattern that arises when you address the symptoms of a conflict instead of its root cause. Imagine this. One of your team members is consistently late for meetings. You address this with her, she apologises and promises to improve. But, lo and behold, she’s late again the next day. And just like that, you’re caught in a relentless cycle of feedback chats, apologies, and unchanged behaviour. Sound familiar?

How to spot a team drama cycle

Signs you’re caught in a Team Drama Cycle are usually pretty obvious. Here are the three most common symptoms to look out for.

  • Feeling like you’re having the same conversation over and over.
  • Dreading giving feedback for fear of stirring up drama.
  • Seeing the same team members involved in every drama. It’s like they’re addicted to conflict.

If you’ve ticked any (or all) of these boxes, it’s time for a change. It’s time to break free from this draining cycle and shift your communication style from ineffective to high impact. So, how do you make this shift? It’s all about learning to hold tough conversations without getting sidetracked by others’ drama tactics. Here are my top three tips for doing this without causing drama to escalate into full-blown conflict.

 

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TIP 1: learn to handle dirty tactics

First up, learn how to predict, pre-empt and manage the dirty tactics people resort to during drama games. There are dozens of these, but you can learn strategies for dealing with them. In my minicourse The Verbal Attack Response System, for example, I explain how to deal with hostile criticism, toxic honesty, polarising statements and blaming or shaming generalisations.

TIP 2: set boundaries and make sure people adhere to them

Secondly, focus on setting boundaries and establishing healthy norms for behaviour. Sometimes this involves setting consequences for disrespectful or disruptive behaviour, but it can also mean simply modelling and enforcing the type of positive communication you want to see in your team.

TIP 3: work on team dynamics

Finally, foster a culture of open and honest communication. Make sure conflicts are addressed directly and promptly, instead of being swept under the rug. This might involve running some team-building sessions or teaching conflict resolution skills to your team. If this is done early, it can prevent small issues from escalating into full-blown dramas.

Breaking free from the Team Drama Cycle requires effort and commitment, but it’s worth it in the long run. Not only will you have a more harmonious and productive team, but you’ll also be setting an example for others to follow in handling conflicts effectively. So, don’t let team drama control your workplace any longer. Take action and break free from the cycle now. Your team (and your sanity) will thank you.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

By Eleanor Shakiba Dynamic leadership 0 Comments

Leaders who favour positive feedback are perceived as more effective. Here’s the proof

Feedback. It’s a wonderful gift when well-delivered. But when it’s not, it can do a lot of damage. Not just to the recipient, but to the person who delivers it. I recently read an interesting article about this. It turns out that a leader’s beliefs about feedback impact the way they provide it. For example, a leader who believes negative feedback has been helpful to them is more likely to give negative feedback to someone else. But that will have consequences for their leadership brand. Why? Because research shows that leaders who focus on giving negative feedback are seen as less effective than those who focus on fostering positive conversations.

Of course, positive leadership trainers have been saying this for years. There’s a strong body of research that shows when you focus on reinforcing strengths and providing constructive, you foster growth and success in your team. Positive feedback not only enhances job satisfaction but also improves productivity and overall performance.

 

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Positive leaders understand that feedback is not a one-size-fits-all proposition. Some people prefer more direct, critical feedback. Others respond better to positive reinforcement and encouragement. As a manager, you need to understand what works best for each member of your team and adjust your approach accordingly.

To find out more about this interesting topic, read the original source article here.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

 

By Eleanor Shakiba Dynamic leadership 0 Comments

Ouch. The price of workplace conflict is huge.

It you’ve ever worked in a toxic team or with a chronically challenging colleague, you already know the toll workplace conflict can take on you personally. It also has a huge cost to businesses, not only in terms of lost productivity, but also in potential legal fees or damage to the company’s reputation. Recently, I read an interesting article about the personal and organisational impact of workplace conflict which really resonated with me.

The article cites research by the University of Sheffield. This showed that 60% of workers involved in workplace conflict experience depression as a result. This really shows the profound effect that conflict can have your wellbeing. In 2018, almost 900,000 employees took time off work because of conflict, nearly half a million resigned and over 300,000 were dismissed. These eye-opening statistics really highlight the detrimental effect that conflict can have on individuals’ lives and careers.

As most experienced managers know, of course, the impact of workplace conflict isn’t just emotional. Apparently, conflict costs employers nearly £30 billion annually. That averages out to around £1,000 per employee. Can you believe that? Those costs are associated with three main areas:

  • Resignations
  • Disciplinary dismissals and the legal costs associated with them
  • Sick leave caused by mental health issues

 

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Obviously, all this creates a compelling business case for leaders to pay attention to both conflict prevention and resolution at an organisational level. Interventions to think about include training managers to recognise and respond to warning signs of conflict. It’s also useful to provide them with tools and processes to help them manage conflict and difficult situations assertively and professionally.

All of this adds up to one key message: workplace conflict is not just a personal or interpersonal issue. It’s also an organisational problem with bottom-line consequences. If you’re a supervisor, team leader or manager, read this article here.. Then pass it on to someone else who needs to hear about the importance of addressing workplace conflict.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

By Eleanor Shakiba Dynamic leadership 0 Comments

Instant executive presence. Yep. It’s possible.

Executive presence is a quality that can determine your success in the business world. It goes way beyond being charismatic or wearing power suits. It is about projecting confidence, inspiring others and making a lasting impression. Research has shown that people with high levels of executive presence are better paid and are more likely to advance in their careers. And, it seems, it is surprisingly easy to develop.

Research by Gavin Dagley and Cadeyrn Gaskin has shown there are specific traits that heighten your presence. And you can acquire almost half of these traits instantly, without needing any special skills. An article about this research neatly summarised those traits. The ones you can rapidly acquire include personal grooming, integrity, projected confidence and values in action (or walking your talk).

The article also gave these tips for building your presence.

  • Prepare for meetings. Take five minutes before each meeting to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself. Set a positive tone and tailor your presence to meet the audience’s expectations.
  • Project positive emotions. The emotional tone you set at the beginning of a conversation can set the stage for the entire dialogue. Show enthusiasm, positivity and genuine interest to create a favourable impression.

 

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  • Step into a confident posture. Avoid nervous movements or distractions that can detract from your presence. Stay calm and collected.
  • Speak with self-assurance. Your words matter, but so does your delivery. Pay attention to your tone of voice, clarity and emphasis. Speak with conviction and passion to captivate your listeners.
  • Ask thoughtful questions. Great leaders know that questions are more powerful than statements. Ask insightful questions to engage others and demonstrate your interest in developing them.

Using these research-backed tips will help you stand out as leader with real presence. Remember, building your executive wow-factor is not about having a natural talent, for leadership. It’s about deliberately developing a confident and impactful brand. So start working on your presence today!

You can read more from the original article here.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

 

By Eleanor Shakiba Credibility interesting articles 0 Comments

Believe most people think the same as you

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about working with people, it’s that you should never assume other people think the same way you do. A recent article published in Open Mind shows exactly why that is. It describes a study involving 2,700 participants, which aimed to work out how often thinking patterns ‘line up’ between individuals.

So how did the study work? First, the researchers divided participants into two groups. One group was asked to consider the similarity of animals such as finches, whales and penguins. The other group was asked to assess the similarity of U.S. politicians like George W. Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden. These categories were chosen because people generally have shared concepts about animals, but there is much more variability about their political beliefs.

Participants in both groups were asked to estimate what percentage of people would agree with their individual responses. The results were astonishing. People tended to believe, often incorrectly, that around two-thirds of the population would agree with them. Some individuals believed they were in the majority, even when virtually nobody else agreed with them. This highlights how easy it is to wrongly assume that your beliefs are widely shared.

 

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As they delved deeper, the researchers discovered that disagreements may not always be based on what people think. Often, they stem from a simple misalignment of concepts. The mental groupings and associations we use as ‘shortcuts’ to understand objects, words and events differ significantly from person to person. As one of the researchers pointed out “When people are disagreeing, it may not always be about what they think it is. It could be stemming from something as simple as their concepts not being aligned.”

So, the next time you find yourself in a disagreement, remember that your assumptions about others’ beliefs might not be accurate. Take a moment to consider that differences in concepts and associations can lead to varying perspectives. By acknowledging and respecting these differences, you can prevent unnecessary conflict and foster a better understanding of others. Plus, you just might discover a new way of looking at this wonderful world we live in.

To find out more about this research, read the original article here.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.