Hope isnt just a personal resource social context matters, too.

Imagine navigating the vast ocean of life, where your boat symbolises your hope and the horizon your goals. Poetic, isn’t it? But here’s the twist – navigating this ocean isn’t just about having a sturdy boat (aka hope). It’s also understanding that you’re part of a larger fleet (your social connections). Recent insights from positive psychology, reveal some fascinating facts about hope.

To start with, hope is way more than wishful thinking.  Second, it’s not just an individual phenomenon. Research shows that people with strong support systems tend to have higher levels of hope than those with no support. After all, social connections give you emotional support during tough times. They also offer practical resources such as advice, funding or help.  This is why it’s important to nurture and invest in your relationships.

Consider the concept of WePower. No, it’s not the latest energy drink). It’s the idea that when people come together, their collective hope and energy can create positive change. Whether it’s supporting a friend through a difficult time or working towards a common goal with your team, WePower can make the difference between giving up and pushing through.

 

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Plus, studies have shown that hope is contagious. For example, if you’re surrounded by hopeful and optimistic people, chances are you’ll also be more hopeful and optimistic. Plus, it seems social connections can serve as a safety net, sheltering you from life’s storms. Many resilience researchers have found that when people go through traumatic events, having strong support systems can help them bounce back with stronger levels of hope.

So, it seems that having high levels of personal agency is important, but so is having a supportive social network. In fact, it’s the combination of both leads to long-lasting hope and resilience. This expanded view of hope isn’t just academically intriguing, it’s also practically relevant for anyone keen on understanding what propels you forward in life. So, the next time you face a challenge, remember to not only rely on your personal hope, but also draw strength and support from those around you.

More of the article here.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

Want a resilient business? Become a positive leader

If you want your business to not just survive tough times but actually thrive, you need to adopt a positive leadership style. This approach, rooted in positive psychology, focuses on intentional behaviours that break away from the norm in a good way. It’s like flipping negativity on its head and finding chances to grow even during challenges.

Most research looks at negative stuff in organisations—like fraud, bullying, and bad supervision. But, if we shift our focus to positive deviance, we can see how positive actions lead to excellence. It’s about viewing obstacles as opportunities to grow, build good processes, and create strong experiences.

The Centre for Positive Organisations at the University of Michigan defines thriving in two key ways. First, it’s about unlocking human potential within an organisation. This means creating a space where people are purposeful, energised, engaged, resilient and using their strengths. Second, it’s about designing organisational structures that foster positive connections, emotions, and meanings aimed at purpose-driven excellence.

 

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So, what does this look like in real life? According to Professor Kim Cameron, positive leadership includes developing and using four socio-psychological resources: a positive climate, positive relationships, positive communication, and positive meaning. With these resources, your organisation won’t just “bounce back” from tough times but will truly thrive. The magic lies in combining resources and capabilities.

Learning to Assess, Accept, and Adapt is key. Assess the situation to understand the full scope of the adversity. Acceptance means acknowledging the current reality without sugarcoating it. Adaptation involves finding creative ways to navigate through and beyond the difficulties.

To see this in action, look at companies like Educational Data Systems, Inc. (EDSI), InterMune, and Reuters. These companies have shown exceptional resilience by embracing positive leadership principles. They didn’t just survive tough times; they innovated and came out stronger.

In short, thriving through adversity requires a mindset shift. By focusing on positive leadership resources and developing the skills to Assess, Accept, and Adapt, you’ll build a resilient organisation ready to flourish no matter what life throws your way. This approach not only creates a positive work environment but also sets your business on a path to lasting success.

More of this article here.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

 

It takes effort to be a positive leader

Positive leadership isn’t just a buzzword. It’s a whole new way of leading. A positive leader is someone who not only focuses on achieving results, but also prioritises the well-being and growth of their team. But how do you become that leader? It involves way more than just smiling and giving compliments. In fact, it takes effort to be a positive leader. It means thinking in new ways that, research is showing, can really make a difference.

Let’s break it down. Imagine your team is a ship and you’re the captain. The ways you navigate set the course for that ship. When you lead with positivity, you’re not only steering the ship in a positive direction, but also keeping it working in peak performance state.

Here’s the cool part – becoming a positive leader will make you happier and more fulfilled. Plus, it turns out that positivity spreads. Teams with positive leaders are more likely to be interested, committed and willing to go the extra mile at work. Plus, they’re more resilient in tough times. Think about it. Would you rather be steered through a storm by a captain who’s calm and optimistic, or one who’s frazzled and panicking?

 

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But hey, don’t just take it from me.  This isn’t just fluffy, feel-good stuff. It’s backed by hard science. Researchers from Michigan and the University of Western Australia, among others, have found solid evidence linking positive leadership to improved outcomes. For example, in Australia, researchers surveyed over 300 executives and found that those with higher levels of positivity achieved better business results than their less positive counterparts.

Kim Cameron is a key researcher in this area. He has shown that positive leadership creates an environment of trust, collaboration and innovation – all crucial elements for success in today’s complex world. So, what’s the bottom line? Positive leadership isn’t just a nicety. It’s a must-have. As a manager or business owner, you’ve got the power to set the tone in your team.  Make it a positive one? Not only will it make your team’s journey smoother, but it could also make your success that much sweeter.

More of the article here.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

Conflict brain: why your neurons love a good argument

Why do some people seem to thrive on conflict? And why is their anger and aggression so contagious? If you’re sick of being baited and manipulated into arguments, this week’s newsletter will help you take a new approach. And no, that doesn’t mean firing up your logic to try and outsmart those challenging people. That’s because the logical brain tends to shut down when emotions run high.

Although most people dislike conflict, it can be surprisingly addictive. During an argument, your brain releases cortisol, often called the ‘stress hormone’. In small doses, cortisol can help you stay alert and focused. But in prolonged or intense conflict, cortisol levels become too high, leaving you feeling stressed, anxious, or even depressed.

So why do some people seem to thrive on this constant state of agitation? The answer lies in their brain chemistry. Research shows that some individuals have heightened responses to stress. For some, this is due to genetics. For others, early childhood experiences shape neural pathways, creating chronic patterns of anxiety, anger, and aggression. People with hyperactive ‘conflict circuits’ often engage in arguments to regulate emotions and restore a sense of control.

Driving this dynamic are two powerful chemicals—adrenaline and cortisol. Adrenaline amps people up, triggering the overwhelming urge to ‘win’ arguments, while cortisol fuels stress and creates a sense of high energy. Together, these hormones create a cocktail that keeps ‘conflict addicts’ buzzing long after the argument is over.

A fascinating study from the University of California reveals how this process works. Researchers found that participants’ neural reward centres lit up during conflict. That’s right—your brain can associate conflict with satisfaction, even if you feel upset during the argument. It’s no wonder some people are unintentionally drawn into arguments again and again.

 

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Fortunately, you can break this cycle by learning how to reduce emotional contagion during conflict. Here are three steps I teach in my courses on dealing with difficult people. Try them out with that ‘conflict addict’ you know.

Step 1: Regulate Your Emotions

There are many tools to help with this. I recommend starting with the ABCD technique, a well-known method from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It helps switch on your logic centres during challenging situations.

Step 2: Set Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits you set to protect your physical and psychological space. First, learn to recognise when your boundaries are being violated. This starts with defining your own needs. Next, speak up about those boundaries. My Verbal Attack Response System course teaches you how to do this effectively.

Step 3: Use Assertive Language Patterns

Assertive language allows you to communicate calmly, confidently, and respectfully. Mastering just two or three techniques can help you stop conflict addicts in their tracks and regain control of where the conversation goes next.

If you’re tired of being dragged into unnecessary conflict, remember—you can choose another path. My online course, Difficult People Made Easy, is designed specifically for people like you. You’ll learn how to manage tough personalities and protect your energy using proven strategies. Don’t wait—start mastering the art of navigating conflict today.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

Unleash the power of intellectual humility in your team

Did you know building intellectual humility can make you smarter? Indeed, a recent research project showed that intellectual humility can enhance decision-making, foster teamwork and drive innovation.
These results aren’t just interesting – they can be used to improve your own leadership skills and to unlock the potential of your team.

So what exactly is intellectual humility? Simply put, it’s the degree to which you admit that your own perspective may be incomplete or even totally wrong. Intellectually humble people are open to learning. They’re willing to explore the limits of their own beliefs. And they listen to what others say.  So it’s not surprising that the researchers found that more humility makes you a better leader. Imagine how powerful intellectual humility could be in a team meeting or during crucial project planning sessions. Let alone during difficult conversations.

 

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But how did researchers explore the significance of intellectual humility? They developed scenarios – which they applied in mock organisational settings –  to test how open participants were to considering evidence that challenged their beliefs. As these scenarios played out, participants’ intellectual humility levels were assessed using surveys, role-playing exercises and observational assessments. Consistently, it was found that the participants who scored higher on intellectual humility scales were better at recognising and rectifying their mistakes, more receptive to feedback and performed better in group tasks. Imagine being a leader who showed those qualities!So, it might be time to upgrade your intellectual humility.  Recognise that you don’t have all the answers yet.  And that changing your mind is NOT a sign of weakness, it is a form of flexibility. Encourage open-mindedness and curiosity among your team members and create a culture where it’s okay to admit to being wrong. By doing so, not only will you foster a more positive work environment, but you’ll also be able to make better decisions and achieve greater success as a team.

Read this intriguing article here

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

Sharing goals DOESN’T make you more likely to achieve them

It’s common wisdom that if you want to motivate yourself to achieve a goal, you should share it with other people. However, it turns out that this ‘truth’ is actually a myth. It turns out that sharing your ‘goal intentions’ can backfire. This is a because sharing your goal makes you feel take on the ‘identity’ of someone who has already achieved your desired result. I recently read a fascinating study on this.

In the study, second-year law students were asked to write about their three most important intentions in becoming a lawyer. Some students made their intentions known to others, whilst others kept them private. The results were eye-opening. The students who shared their intentions reported they felt a strong sense of completeness in relation to their goals. Just by articulating their intentions to behave like a successful lawyer – for example, by reading law periodicals routinely – they felt more like an actual lawyer. This inflated sense of identity-completeness gave them a premature sense of satisfaction, reducing their drive to actually work towards their goals.

Wow. This study suggests sometimes it is best to keep your goals to yourself. So how can you avoid falling into this trap? One straightforward solution is to keep your intentions to yourself and focus on getting things done. This is the fastest way to move towards your goal. In other words, by quietly progressing towards your goals, you can prevent yourself becoming someone who is ‘all talk and no action’.

 

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On the other hand, if you really do need to share your intentions, there’s another strategy to consider. Describe the inherent worth of your goal, rather than talking about how successful you will be when you achieve it. This prevents your mind from taking shortcuts and fooling you into feeling like you’ve already accomplished your goal. For example, instead of saying “I will be a successful lawyer”, try saying “My goal is to contribute to the justice system and make a positive impact in people’s lives”. By focusing on the intrinsic value of your goal, you can stay motivated without falling into the trap of premature satisfaction.

If you are a manager or leader, it’s also worth considering how you can support your team in achieving their goals. Encourage them to focus on the process and progress, rather than just the end result. This will help prevent a false sense of accomplishment setting in, thus keeping everyone motivated to continue working more steadily towards team goals. Also think about how goal-setting processes are implemented in your organisation. Are there opportunities for open and honest communication about goals, without creating a sense of identity-completeness? By promoting a healthy balance between sharing intentions and focusing on action, you can help your people achieve their goals effectively.

For a more in-depth exploration of this captivating subject, you’re encouraged to read the full article here. Remember, aim to be someone who not only talks the talk but can also walk the walk.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

 

Conversation or trap? Learn to dodge verbal baiting

There’s nothing worse than being lured into a seemingly reasonable conversation, only to discover you’ve been baited into an argument or toxic power game. Verbal baiting is hard to recognise, even though it is a common tactic used by manipulative or aggressive people. If their motives baffle you, don’t despair.

Understanding the motives behind verbal baiting gives you the upper hand when dealing with manipulative conversation tactics. For starters, it prevents you going into fight or flight mode. That’s an important first step, because research from the Psychology of Aggression Journal reveals that verbal confrontations trigger a stress reaction in 62% of people. By being one of the 38% who are immune to this stress, you gain an immediate advantage.

 

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For example, Martha was a team leader in a government agency. She had some tough people to manage, and one day she made a decision that they disliked. Three of her team ganged up on her during a team meeting. The ringleader used a range of baiting tactics, including sarcasm, guilt-tripping and twisting her words. However, Martha had attended my training course Difficult People Made Easy. Instead of getting defensive or emotional, she stayed calm and responded to the baiting pattern rather than the actual bait itself.

“Let’s take a step back and look at why we’re discussing this in such an intense manner. Is it because you don’t agree with my decision or is there another underlying issue?” she asked. This simple question stopped the baiting in its tracks and put Martha back in the lead of the conversation.

Want to master this skill for yourself? Check out my online courses on dealing with difficult behaviour today. They’re filled with practical strategies and techniques to help you navigate tricky conversations and handle difficult people with confidence.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

Are hypnotisable people more flexible thinkers? It seems so.

Does hypnosis really work? And if so, how?  A recent research project provided new answers to these intriguing questions. The project focused on cracking open the relationship between hypnotic susceptibility and a term scientists call ‘perseveration’.

So, what is perseveration? Put simply, it’s the tendency to stick to old rules or information, even in the face of newly introduced, better alternatives. It’s like playing a game with the original rules, even though you’re using an updated version of the game. Perseveration is a sign of cognitive inflexibility, essentially meaning your brain is resisting change.

Interestingly, the same executive and salience networks in our brain that keep us ingrained in old patterns also play a role in hypnosis. So, the researchers wanted to see if there was a correlation. And guess what? They unveiled some surprising facts.

 

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People who are more susceptible to hypnosis tend to be less resistant to change. They are more likely to let go of old information, welcoming the new. In other words, if you find yourself more open to hypnotic suggestions, odds are you have more cognitive flexibility.

The ability to adapt your thinking and accept new rules is a common trait among individuals with high hypnotisability. According to the authors of the study, this flexibility in thought might actually share common ground with our ability to evaluate errors and implement logical rules. Interesting, right?

So next time you engage in a conversation about hypnosis, you now have a fascinating nugget of scientific knowledge to share. The thrill of hypnosis is not just about the mystery, but also about the science that demystifies it!

More of the article here.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

Want to be seen as a strong leader? Show high self-control.

Imagine this: at your workplace, there’s a colleague who’s really into fitness and decides to skip that mouthwatering dessert. Suddenly, everyone starts seeing them in a new light—as a powerful leader! This scenario comes from a series of experiments that looked at how we perceive power. It turns out, showing self-control can help you land a leadership role. It’s not just about making quick decisions or taking impulsive actions; it’s about aligning your actions with your goals.

The research is pretty thorough, involving seven unique experiments with around 3,500 participants. The findings are clear: people who act in ways that support their personal goals are seen as more powerful and are considered better suited for leadership than those with low self-control. So, if you can resist temptation and stay focused, you might just be the ideal candidate for power at work.

Do you set goals for yourself? That’s great, but make sure they’re realistic! The research shows that people were viewed as less powerful if they didn’t meet their ambitious goals, even if they performed just as well as others. In fact, it’s better to set moderate goals and exceed them than to aim high and fall short. This really highlights how important sensible goal setting is for being seen as a strong leader.

 

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So, what’s the takeaway? It might be time to rethink what power and leadership really mean. It’s not about chasing overly ambitious targets or acting on impulse. It’s about setting realistic goals and showing the self-control to stick with them. Your self-control could be your secret weapon to power!

Embrace that self-control! Show some restraint when it’s needed and keep your actions in line with your goals. It’s a simple yet effective way to be seen as strong and powerful. Remember, “power is a state of mind.” So, gear up, take charge and watch as you carve your path to power!

More of the article here.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

3 rules of verbal self-defense: protecting you from difficult people

Why does the perfect response to a verbal attack always come to you three hours too late? The answer is simple – it’s all due to your brain’s fight, flight, and freeze reaction. This is your brain’s natural response to threatening situations. It’s great for dealing with physical danger, but when it comes to verbal attacks, it can leave you feeling helpless. This is particularly true when your brain detects that someone is playing power games.

Power games are designed to reduce your autonomy and make you doubt yourself. However, there are simple ways to take back control, even in the trickiest situations. That’s the power of verbal self-defence. This discipline is all about staying calm, clear-headed, and assertive. It’s not about “winning” or putting other people in their place. Instead, it’s about protecting yourself against manipulative tactics. There are three main steps involved in verbal self-defense.

  1. Spot their game

Every difficult person has a ‘game’ they play to gain the upper hand. Maybe it’s making cutting comments or twisting your words. Or maybe it’s baiting you with insults or smart remarks. Despite the fact that these attacks come out of the blue, they are surprisingly predictable. And that’s the secret to spotting games. When you recognise the attack pattern a verbal aggressor is using, you can stop reacting emotionally and start responding strategically.

 

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  1. Engage your thinking brain

The stressed-out part of your brain is not the best one to respond from. Engaging your logic centre is a smarter move. It helps you see the situation objectively and take back control. This isn’t simply a matter of ‘breathing deeply’. You need to master the art of emotion regulation – which is a great life skill to develop anyway.

  1. Respond with a verbal attack response pattern

I teach ten of these in my online course Verbal Attack Response System. Verbal Attack Response System course. These include strategies for dealing with criticising, generalising, and making unfair ultimatums. Each one allows you to respond professionally and assertively without stooping to the other person’s level. They’re easy to learn and powerfully effective.

So, next time you find yourself in a difficult conversation with a manipulative or aggressive person, remember the three rules of verbal self-defence: spot their game, engage your thinking brain, and respond strategically. And if you need more help dealing with difficult people, check out my online courses here: Think Learn Succeed courses.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders.