Fear nearly stopped me setting up my business

In 2006, I had a good job. It was stable, interesting and ‘permanent’. I had long service leave accrued, a network of inspiring colleagues and prospects of promotion. Yet I wanted something more. I craved opportunities to be more creative and to build something exceptional. I was working with a range of external consultants and I began to wish I could be like them.

However, fear and self-doubt held me back. At first, I didn’t even take the idea of setting up my own busines seriously. Fortunately, I had a very wise coach. I’d been working with him for around 6 months. My coaching program began because of staffing problems in my day job. As it evolved, I began exploring the meaning and purpose of my work.

I clearly remember expressing my self-doubt to my coach. “I’d love to set up my own business, but it’s too risky,” I said.

I’d said those words many times before. In conversations with friends and family, they’d usually been met with agreement. Of course, this reinforced my self-doubt and reduced my confidence. By the time I made this statement to my coach, I fully believed that being in business was a risky business. Everything changed when my coach gave me an unexpected response.

“What are you imagining will happen if you set up a business?” he asked.

That made me pause. I’d never fully articulated what I was frightened of. However, it didn’t take me long to list a long set of potential catastrophes that could befall a training consultant. These ranged from being introverted to find clients, through to defaulting on my mortgage and ending up homeless. I think even my coach was surprised at the vivid representation of disaster that I could conjure up. (Yes. There is a downside to combining creativity and anxiety). Then he asked a question that changed the course of my life. “Has it ever occurred to you to imagine that everything might turn out all right?” he queried.

 

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That was an ‘aha’ moment. My entire physiology changed as I realised, I never had taken time to imagine a bright future. My natural inclination for pessimism and creativity had biased my thinking. At that time, I wasn’t aware of the brain’s negativity bias. Nor did I understand that anyone can learn to challenge pessimistic thinking and shift into learned optimism mode. Thus, my coach’s question had a huge impact. It not only solved the problem at hand, it changed the way I faced future fears.

From that moment, I was able to envision a hopeful and inspiring future. My coach encouraged me to express the ideal future I would like to experience. I imagined a dynamic, vibrant lifestyle. Days spent helping talented people overcoming blocks and barriers to success. Having time to taking on creative projects. Living my passion for inspiring excellence. Most importantly, being in charge of my own destiny.

Three months after that session, I left my day job. I stepped full time into the business I’d inadvertently already been running for the past three years. Yes, I encountered setbacks and challenges. I now realise that’s a normal part of life, not simply a part of running a business.

However, that single question has remained my mantra whenever I hit tough times. I still have an ingrained tendency for pessimistic thinking. That’s probably what makes me such a good positive psychology trainer. I genuinely ‘get’ anyone who suffers low confidence or low self-esteem. And I see it as my life’s work to inspire others to tap into the potential of the human capacity for hope and optimism. That’s why I teach positive psychology. And it is also why I’ll always find a way to stay in business despite self-doubt.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a consultant in the areas of positive psychology training and solution focused coaching. She partners with HR and L&D teams to build vibrant cultures where ‘positive deviants’ thrive. Areas she specialises in include positive mindset, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Eleanor is qualified in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. Her passion is working with positive deviants to build success. Download a copy of her free ebook Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners.

Power up positivity with cognitive reframing

When dealing with a stressful situation, it’s easy to assume the worst. This is particularly true if you’ve taken on patterns of ‘learned helplessness’ or pessimistic thinking. However, you can extract yourself from worry loops by shifting your thinking habits. Instead of focusing on the negative, consider changing the way that you look at the problem. This is a technique you’ll learn in any resilience training or positive psychology workshop.

So, what is cognitive reframing? It’s one of the most-used stress relief strategies. Cognitive reframing involves changing the way that you look at something. By reframing your perspective of a situation, you minimise the perceived stress, allowing you to focus on overcoming your challenge. Here’s a closer look at how it works.

The use of cognitive reframing as a positive psychology technique comes from the development of cognitive therapy in the 1960s. Aaron Beck is considered the father of cognitive therapy. During his time working with patients who suffered from depression, Beck noticed a common theme among his patients. They often dwelled on negative thoughts and found negativity in everyday situations.

Beck developed a process called ‘cognitive restructuring’, which involves turning a negative thought into a positive thought. Over the years, psychologists have studied the effectiveness of Beck’s technique. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) has become a recommended option for treating everything from eating disorders and depression to mental illness and marital problems.

In recent years, many psychologists have explored how negative thinking promotes stress and exacerbates mood disorders, such as anxiety and depression. This group includes Harry Mills, Natali Reiss and Mark Dombeck. The trio has published work on the impact of stress and how cognitive reframing can help.

The group argues that ignoring the problem promotes decreased cognitive function and an increased risk of anxiety disorders and personality changes. Luckily, anyone can practice cognitive reframing techniques.

The concept behind cognitive reframing revolves around the fact that most people are hard-wired to focus on the negative more than the positive. Cognitive reframing involves replacing negative thoughts with positive ones to alter the way that you think about a situation or problem. 

 

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There are many techniques for reframing your perception of things.

Self-monitoring

The first step of cognitive reframing is self-monitoring. You need to learn to recognise negative feelings before you can change them. Recognising negative emotions helps you detect the patterns that tend to trigger your anxieties and stress.

For example, if you tend to feel anxious about public speaking, you may notice that the anxiety increases in specific situations. Finding this common thread makes it easier to catch negative thoughts before they get the better of you.

Question your assumptions

Cognitive reframing also typically involves questioning your assumptions. You need to challenge your thoughts to determine if they are illogical or biased. For example, when you have a negative thought, you may ask yourself, “What evidence do I have to prove that this thought is accurate?” Questioning the reasons for your anxiety helps you change the way you deal with the situation.

Analyse the pros and cons

After questioning your assumptions, you may still hold on to negativity. In these situations, you should weigh the pros and cons in a cost-benefit analysis. Determine the advantages and disadvantages of your negative thinking. In most cases, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

Introduce alternatives

The next step is to introduce alternative thoughts. Generating positive thoughts helps you challenge your tendency to think negatively and find solutions to your problems.

If you’re tired of letting stress and anxiety overtake your thoughts, it’s time to focus on the positive. Cognitive reframing strategies and resilience training allow you to change your perspective. Consider working with positive psychology trainers to develop new methods for overcoming stressful situations. Contact Eleanor Shakiba to discuss the best cognitive reframing techniques for uplifting your team.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a positive psychology trainer and coach. Her passion is teaching skills for positive thinking, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Her clients work in academia, education, IT, engineering, finance and health. Eleanor is qualified in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She’s the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners, a free resource for trainers.

Positive Leadership. Kim Cameron

Want evidence that positive psychology can benefit your business? Then you need to read Positive Leadership. It’s my second-favourite leadership book (my top pick being The Fifth Disciple). Straightforward and easy to read, Positive Leadership looks at the theory behind positive psychology and transforms key models into a leadership toolkitThe book provides practical strategies for developing positive leadership in any organisation 

Clear and to the point, the book is datadriven and includes clear objectives. Cameron argues that great leaders take action to create positive organisational climates, build positive relationships, promote constructive communication and help people find meaning in their work. He then provides a range of tips and techniques for using these steps in your business.  

Read Positive Leadership if you’re serious about organisational change, culture-building, innovation or capitalising on the power of positive deviance in your business. It’s a great resource for human resource business partners, OD specialists, leadership trainers and facilitators.  

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About the author of this review

Eleanor Shakiba specialises in teaching smart people to use positive thinking and communication patterns to achieve success. She is passionate about using positive psychology to develop talented, high performing people. Eleanor’s qualifications are in the fields of Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She loves working with people who make a positive difference to the world.  

Show appreciation for the gift giver, rather than the gift. Here’s why.

What’s your first instinct when you receive a gift? To say “Thank you”, of course! But there are different ways to say thank you that can have different impacts on relationships. Interestingly, research has shown that the best way to show gratitude is by focusing on the gift-giver, rather than the gift. An interview with Barbara Fredrickson on ‘elegant social coordination’ revealed this. She found relationships improved significantly when thanks were given to the person, not just for the gift. Positive psychology trainers love examples like this, because they show how powerful everyday communication can be.

 

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Next time you receive a gift, don’t talk about the details of the present. Instead, express your gratitude to the giver. Tell them they are kind and thoughtful and they put a smile on your face. Saying that will help put a smile on theirs.

 

About the author of this fast fact:

Eleanor Shakiba is a master trainer. She runs workshops in positive psychology techniques such as positive deviance, learned optimism, constructive communication and positive leadership. Eleanor can help your people build a thriving business, and a flourishing workplace culture. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She also runs a range of retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators.

Want to boost motivation in your team? This study suggests you need to increase meaning and purpose in their work.

Higher motivation in employees leads to better work performance. This is no secret. However, there are ways to effectively manage motivation to accelerate team strength and productivity. Positive psychology is a powerful tool that can inspire teammates to motivate themselves, so the burden is not completely on the manager.

In fact, managers who understand that they alone are not the catalyst for team change often do much better in leading their teams. Inspiration should be outsourced to those who are really benefitting from the work that your organisation does.

Here is a great example. Harvard Business Review published a study on a growing body of research that shows how effective different types of motivation can be. It showed that the best way to inspire others is by having customers, patients and clients spread positive word about your organisation all on their own. A radiology patient showed a photograph of an x-ray to a team of radiologists who didn’t even work with this particular patient. But seeing that photograph inspired them to take a more focused approach to their x-rays, which improved their diagnostic accuracy by 46%.

This is effective proof that that hearing from the patients and customers is a great way to inspire a team towards more positive change. Managers and leaders are great at delivering speeches and pointing out positive deviants in their field. But when partnering with those who benefit from your organisation’s services, motivation can be boosted even further.

 

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Here is another example. Wells Fargo bankers were shown a series of videos from customers talking about how much their lives improved since they were able to take debt-saving loans. This was the biggest catalyst of inspiration for these bankers, who improved their productivity rates afterwards.

Want to know how to stay motivated and inspired? Follow Eleanor Shakiba on Facebook or LinkedIn for more positive psychology facts!

About the author of this article:

Eleanor Shakiba is passionate about helping talented people flourish professionally. She coaches and trains high performers who want to excel in business. Her core expertise is in positive psychology. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She also runs master practitioner level retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators.

How to measure the ‘health’ of a team by coding what people say.

When it comes to positivity in the workplace, leaders play the biggest role. Helping to create an environment that promotes positivity leads to enthusiasm and opens new possibilities.

In contrast, negativity feeds a restricted emotional space that limits possibilities for action. These theories are based on a study completed by Marcial Losada and Emily Heaphy.

The researchers looked at the impact of positivity and negativity on emotional space. The study involved a group of 60 strategic business unit (SBU) management teams from a large corporation that specialised in information processing.

The researchers also used coders to code the speech of the groups. The coders would mark a speech act as positive if the speaker showed encouragement or positivity. If the speaker expressed disapproval, the coders marked the speech act as negative. The coders also separated speech acts as inquiry-based or advocacy-based. The speeches were additionally coded as “self” when speakers referred to themselves or the group and “other” when speaking about external groups. The 60 teams were then separated based on their performance.

 

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Low-performance teams had a lower positivity/negativity ratio compared to high-performance teams. They also used “self” more than “other.” These findings help demonstrate that positivity directly affects performance. Additional work by Barbara Fredrickson supports this concept. She helped develop the positivity ratio, believing that a 3:1 ratio is the key to human flourishing.

How can leaders help create more positivity? One solution is creating a safe space for workers to take risks. If individuals fear punishment, they are less likely to try something new.

Losada and Heaphy also argue that positive feedback and public gratitude are needed. Reinforcing positive behaviours and expressing gratitude for a successful outcome create a positive feedback loop.

To explore the positivity ratio and other examples of positive psychology in the workplace, contact the experts at Think Learn Succeed.

 

About the author of this article:

Eleanor Shakiba is a master trainer and coach. She specialises in teaching smart people to use positive psychology and breakthrough communication techniques. Eleanor loves working with people who make a positive difference to the world – including facilitators, trainers and HR practitioners. She is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She also runs a range of retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators.

When is consensus not really consensus?

The terms consensus’ and consensus-building are buzzwords. Like all buzzwords, they are thrown around confidently by people who don‘t fully understand their meanings. This reduces the effectiveness of meetings and leads to poor decision making. So what is consensus and how can leaders, facilitators and HR practitioners help groups reach it? 

Consensus is a point of maximum agreement. The word maximum is important. Reaching consensus does not mean that everyone in the group fully agrees to the conclusion reached. However, when consensus has been reached, everyone knows their contribution has been taken seriously. Great facilitators and group leaders build consensus by using constructive framing and groupwork techniques. Here are a few pointers on how you can do this.  

Set an agree to agree frame 

Framing skills are a hallmark of master facilitators. In decision-making contexts, framing involves setting boundaries and norms for a conversation. A simple way to begin a consensus building conversation is to say “To get the most this conversation, let’s agree on how will work together. Our aim is to create a decision about… Is everyone committed to reaching an agreement?” 

Define the issue to be resolved or decided 

Write the core topic of conversation on a whiteboard, in full view of each member of the group. This is a way of keeping people focused on the central issue throughout the conversation. It is important to frame the core issue in a way that leaves options open. If information is missing, take time to make sure all relevant material is available. It may be necessary to break the discussion into parts, clarifying the issues one section at a time. 

Ask exploratory questions 

Encourage the group to work slowly. For consensus to happen, new perspectives may need to be taken. Asking exploratory questions helps everybody to reflect on their own mindset. This is a gentle way of loosening up thinking before seeking solutions. 

Probe for options 

Use solution focussed questions and creative thinking tools to generate new ideas. Remind people that at this point the group is simply developing ideas: none of these are being committed to at present. Some of the ideas may seem too far-fetched. However, these ideas might lead to new ways of thinking and problem-solving.  

Combine options 

When ideas have been flying around a room, combining elements from different proposals often reveals a workable solution. It creates common ground. At this point, focus on selecting the best options and pulling them together. Do not suggest crossing unworkable options off the list. This can prompt conflict and distract the group.  

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Test for agreement 

Once the group seems to have a workable plan, test for agreement. Write the proposed action plan upAllow space for people to voice reservations and make changesThis will help everyone feel heard and generate true consensus. 

When led by a skilled group leader, consensus-building is a dynamic and inspiring process. Choose the right person to run your group, by selecting a facilitator who: 

  • Is experienced leading active constructive conversations 
  • Has a firm grasp of conflict resolution techniques 
  • Understands experiential learning processes 
  • Knows how to frame, reframe and lead solution focussed discussions 
  • Is skilled in applying positive psychology techniques 

About the author of this article: 

Eleanor Shakiba is a master trainer and coach. She specialises in teaching smart people to use positive psychology and breakthrough communication techniques. Eleanor loves working with people who make a positive difference to the world – including facilitators, trainers and HR practitioners. She is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She also runs a range of retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators. 

Fun fact 8: Positive leadership improves employee creativity

It’s hard to be creative when you’re stressed. In fact, a study on the cognitive science of creativity (by Arne Dietrich) has shown you need to be in the right emotional state to think creatively. Stress shuts lateral thinking ability down. So it makes sense that leaders who promote positive workplace cultures will foster creativity in their teams.

Here’s an example of how being a positive leader creates a happier work environment. A study of leadership in the business Burt’s Bees showed employees with positive leaders were motivated to learn more. They also were more creative. This happened when two conditions were in place. First, leaders showed that they valued and respected their employees. Second, they encouraged employees to have fun and engage in team-building activities. This broke up the pattern of everyday work and creativity levels skyrocketed as a result.

 

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This study is a simple example of the impact positive leadership can have on team success. It’s the sort of case study that fascinates positive psychology trainers, because it shows how easy shaping organisational culture can be. If you want a happier, more creative team, start applying the principles of positive psychology and learned optimism. There’s ample evidence that they work.

 

About the author of this fun fact:

Eleanor Shakiba is a positive psychology trainer. She has helped over 50,000 people to build confidence, presence and impact at work. Her passion is working with the ‘positive deviants’ in organisations – equipping them to think creatively and produce exceptional results. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She also runs a range of retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators.

Positive leadership means more than being nice

A happy boss is not always a good one. Being a positive leader is about more than being a nice, friendly boss with an open-door policy. It is about fostering a positive climate, promoting communication and enhancing relationships. These key elements can help your organisation flourish and allow individuals to exceed expectations.  

Positive leadership is a concept developed by Kim Cameron, a professor of management and organisations. Cameron combined insight from the field of positive psychology to describe the traits and behaviour of the most effective leaders. He argues that positive leaders have an affirmative bias, focusing on strengths to increase potential. This is an approach that positive psychology trainers teach in their leadership programs.  

Positive leadership provides an evidence-based model for becoming a more effective leader. It enables leaders to see negativity as an opportunity for change and focus on increasing the positive capacity of an organisation or team. Basically, positive leaders transform negative situations into positive outcomes. They focus more on building employees’ strengths and creating positive workplace culture, rather than trying to remediate ‘problem behaviours’.  

Positive psychology trainers recommend that leaders foster positive workplace cultures by using the positive deviance model. This refers to the practice of looking for individuals that succeed where others fail and learning what they do differently. Finding out what makes these individuals succeed can help leaders uncover new strategies and solutions. 

Kim Cameron proposes that there are four essential elements of positive leadership. Positive psychology trainers can help you learn specific techniques for building these into your leadership practice. The four factors are: 

  • Positive climate 
  • Positive relationships 
  • Positive communication 
  • Positive meaning 
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Cameron argues that leaders directly impact the climate of the workplace. When a leader displays positive emotions, he or she helps create a more positive climate. Basically, a positive leader focuses more on what goes right and less on what goes wrong. 

Establishing positive relationships also brings greater job performance, as relationships allow individuals to actively contribute. This also requires positive communication, which is considered the most important factor in determining organisational performance. Based on Cameron’s research, for every negative communication, leaders should complete five positive interactions. 

The initial three elements are essential to a positive work environment, but they remain empty without some type of purpose or meaning. When employees find meaning in their work, they remain committed to the outcome. Emphasising contribution over personal achievement can help leaders create engages and flourishing teams.  

To improve the workplace culture within your organisation or team, positive psychology trainers recommend starting with the following actions.  

  • Allow employees to collaborate on projects, as collaboration leads to a stronger culture and positive communication 
  • Actively listen to everyone’s ideas and allow each employee to voice their thoughts  
  • Establish clear, open communication throughout the organisation  
  • Recognise and reward hard work to boost morale and keep individuals motivated 
  • Show trust by allowing employees to work without constant micromanagement 

Research backs the benefits of positive leadership. Based on a study by Margaret Greenberg and Dana Arakawa, positive leadership practices tend to result in higher employee engagement and project performance. The study also found that positive leaders tend to use a strength-based approach and maintain a positive outlook during difficult situations. Positive psychology trainers work with research like this, teaching you how to turn it into practical leadership strategies.  

No one likes a grumpy leader, but a positive leader requires more than just playing nice. To become an effective leader, you need to promote more positivity in your team and embrace positive deviance within your organisation. Foster a positive climate, relationships and communication. Above all else, ensure that business goals and outcomes help create a sense of meaningfulness and purpose. 

About the author of this article: 

Eleanor is a master trainer and facilitator.  She specialises in positive psychology, helping leaders and HR practitioners build flourishing organisations. She is known as a creative, dynamic facilitator with a flair for helping ‘positive deviants’ excel at work. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She runs a range of practitioner retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators. 

Positive moments can help you handle stress

Positive emotions can build your resilience and prepare you to handle tough times. This is an underpinning argument in positive psychology’s broaden and build theory. Here’s an example of how this works. A 2007 study showed that people exposed to positive experiences are way better at managing stress afterwards. The experience could be a funny movie or a peaceful walk in the park. It is the emotion these moments spark which makes the difference. Celebrations or positive experiences can make you feel better, which builds resilience.

 

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This is why positive psychology trainers and coaches focus on amplifying your positive emotions. They know that emotion regulation skills equip professionals for success. After all, challenges will happen in any job. It is your ability to manage those challenges resiliently that helps you stand out as a star employee. And learning to focus on the positive will boost your resilience.

 

About the author of this fast fact:

Eleanor Shakiba is trainer for professionals in high intellect fields. Her expertise is in using positive psychology to build high performing leaders and teams. Eleanor works with trainers and HR specialists to build exceptional organisations and people. She is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D practitioners. She also runs a range of retreats and workshops for trainers and facilitators.