You CAN be confident even when you’re scared

So many high achievers believe that being uncertain, unsure or anxious about the future means they’re not confident. Today, I want to dispel that myth by exploring two interesting points about fear.

First, let me remind you that fear is a normal emotion. Confident people experience it just as much as everyone else. However, they process it differently to those of us with fixed, helpless or unconfident mindsets.

Second, I want to share some intriguing research on a key connection between fear and imposter syndrome. It turns out that a very specific sort of worry – fear of failure – drives imposter thinking. But only in some people: those of us with strong goal orientations. To me, this explains why so many leaders, high achievers and successful people battle with imposter syndrome. You can read more about this topic in my recent blog article, here.

 

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For now, here is my favourite tip on how to reduce your fear of failure: don’t set goals but design experiments. Know WHAT you want to achieve but be flexible about how to get there. If one tactic doesn’t work, do something else. That’s not failing; it’s learning.

Vulnerability: the new leadership essential

Vulnerability isn’t a negative trait. It’s accepting that you can’t control everything. This doesn’t mean giving up. It means understanding when to ask for help. Accepting your vulnerability could make you a better leader. Vulnerability is essential for taking risks without a guarantee of success. In fact, many successful executives embrace their vulnerability.

The idea that leaders can’t be vulnerable is a myth. It’s rooted in the idea that leaders need to be able to solve anything, which is impossible. This means that almost every action involves risk. Without vulnerability, you wouldn’t be able to take risks.

A recent article on BetterUp helps summarise the importance of vulnerability for resiliency and mental stamina. The article interviews several high-achieving professionals, including a former executive from Netflix. In the interview, one executive lists vulnerability as an important trait. They explain that it helps you pursue new ideas even when you may not succeed. You need resilience and courage to take risks that leave you vulnerable.

The executive claimed that vulnerability led to greater support from co-workers. She openly discussed her concerns about being a new mother and taking on a promotion. Sharing her emotions with her co-workers didn’t lead to a loss of respect. Her co-workers supported her. Their support helped give her the confidence needed to succeed in a new role.

 

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Along with vulnerability, the executives interviewed for the article list curiosity as an important trait. They explain that curiosity allows them to explore innovative solutions. It also helps them be more effective leaders by listening to others. When a leader actively listens, workers feel valued. This builds trust and collaboration. It also creates the type of environment needed to allow leaders to be more vulnerable. You can read the entire article on the power of embracing vulnerability here.

Vulnerability is an essential trait, but how do you apply this to your life and career? Accepting your vulnerability requires you to be open and honest with yourself and others. Unfortunately, leaders often feel the need to shut themselves off from others and hide their emotions. You may fear being considered an imposter. Positive psychology practices, such as NLP, can help you accept and control your emotions.

You can gain the confidence needed to take risks. For many people, fear is the main emotion keeping them from taking risks. People often make the mistake of trying to push fear away. You need to recognise your fears and anxieties and replace them with a more positive perspective. Cognitive reframing is one NLP method that can help. Reframing is the practice of seeing things from a different perspective. We call this a different frame. It helps you change focus and see things more realistically.

The article on BetterUp proposes that vulnerability is a critical trait for leaders. I agree. As an NLP practitioner and confidence coach, I know that putting yourself out there leads to more opportunities. NLP can give you the confidence to take risks. View my one-to-one coaching services and online courses at https://thinklearnsucceed.com.au/

Being ‘unbreakable’ doesn’t make you resilient

The biggest myth about resilience is that it involves being tough. No it doesn’t! If you own a t-shirt that says, ‘weakness is not an option’, here’s why you should throw it out. Being resilient means being able to go through adversity without suffering long-term psychological damage. In other words, none of the following: ongoing anxiety, confidence problems, stress or depression. A resilient mind is a mind that learns and grows from tough times. As I explain in this week’s video, resilient people accept their emotions. They know that feeling fragile doesn’t mean you’re broken!

 

I’ve been coaching high achievers since 1996. That means I’ve had thousands of conversations regarding how leaders can stay focused and motivated in tough times. Many of these leaders ask me how to build their self-discipline or stop procrastinating. What I’ve never been asked is how to build self-compassion. However, you cannot be resilient if you lack self-compassion. Here’s why.

 

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Self-compassion is the bedrock of resilience

It allows you to accept your emotions and find a way forward – even when you feel sad, angry or stressed. Self-compassion is what lets you rest when you are tired or pause when you are overwhelmed. It prompts you to learn from mistakes and seek help when you need it. Plus, it prevents conflict and problems with team dynamics. What a bonus!

 

Self-compassion means accepting yourself and accepting others

Self-acceptance makes you a more creative thinker. When you don’t judge yourself, it’s easier to accept that other people have different views from you. This makes you a wiser and more compassionate leader. It also helps you learn from the people around you – which increases your behavioural flexibility and strengthens your resilience.

 

Self-compassion broadens your thinking

As I explained in a recent blog article, resilient people have interesting thinking habits. All of these involve shifting your perspective on problems and believing in your own ability to take impactful action. I think of these as strong thinking habits. They all help you to be open, accepting and flexible. In other words someone who thrives beyond adversity and helps others to do the same.

Every leader needs a sidekick. Here’s why

Climbing to the top of the corporate ladder is often lonely, but it doesn’t need to be. High-achieving individuals frequently experience loneliness even when surrounded by others. The way you regulate emotions may be to blame. The latest studies show emotional regulation influences feelings of loneliness.

Being a leader doesn’t need to lead to loneliness. You just need to get to the bottom of the issue. According to research published in Psychology Today, loneliness is often related to how you regulate emotions. Individuals who struggle to accept their emotions struggle to maintain relationships. This can severely impact your personal and professional life.

The studies showed that people who hide their feelings experience higher levels of loneliness. Hiding emotions is a form of expressive suppression. It forces you to avoid social contact. You shut yourself off even further from those around you. Other common emotion regulation strategies include self-blame, rumination, and blaming others.

Self-blame is a toxic form of emotional abuse. It often involves blaming yourself for things that you can’t control. Blaming yourself for things that are out of your control limits your growth. It keeps you from trying new things, as you fear repeating the same mistakes.

Rumination can exacerbate your negative thoughts. Instead of moving forward, you continuously repeat the same events in your head. You replay experiences while continually beating yourself up for perceived shortcomings. A habit of rumination impairs your thinking. It also limits your ability to process emotions.

Some individuals also choose to blame others for their inner turmoil. You may feel that your setbacks were due to others instead of accepting responsibility for your part. The better option is to accept that the past is the past and no thoughts will change it. You can read more about the connection between loneliness and emotional regulation here.

Your emotion regulation strategies may be keeping you from connecting with others. Connecting with your own emotions is the solution. NLP can help you get there by boosting your mental stamina. Positive psychology and NLP techniques can change your negative thinking habits. You’ll experience improved self-awareness, empathy, motivation, and social skills by changing how you regulate emotions.

For example, NLP anchoring can assist with self-regulation and increase your resilience. With practice, you can use NLP anchors to instantly recognise and alter your emotions. It gives you more control over emotions that tend to get in the way of success. You can cope with fear, anxiety, low self-worth, and negative thoughts. NLP submodalities are useful for gaining greater self-awareness. Certain methods can be used to gain a better understanding of how your brain works. You can understand your moods and mental states, along with the triggers for different states.

Paying attention to your emotions may be the key to growing your support circle. NLP offers a way to align your mind and body and regain control of your thoughts. You’ll also benefit from the boost of resiliency provided by better emotional regulation. Learn more. View my one-to-one coaching services and online courses at https://thinklearnsucceed.com.au/

Loneliness makes burnout worse

Don’t shut yourself off from others when you feel stressed. Loneliness just makes burnout worse. Studies show that loneliness adds to your challenges. It amplifies your feelings of stress and exhaustion. Trying to handle everything alone may keep you from solving problems. Gaining social support and building a more inclusive workplace may help.

If you feel burnt out from work, you’re not alone. A recent article published in Harvard Business Review states that 50% of people across all professions feel exhausted. The authors of the article point out that loneliness is a major factor in this trend. They argue that loneliness is often the result of emotional exhaustion.

When you start to feel extra pressure in the workplace, you’re more likely to avoid social interactions. You devote all your attention to solving the problem in front of you. This isolates you from others. You may not notice the social isolation until exhaustion hits you. You stop and look around and realise that you’re all alone.

The idea that loneliness adds to your stress is not new. Positive psychology promotes the need for strong social networks. However, the latest research suggests that loneliness also contributes to absenteeism, workplace accidents, and lower profits for businesses.

Research from the University of California indicates that loneliness reduces longevity by 70%. For comparison, drinking reduces longevity by 30% while smoking reduces longevity by 50%. Loneliness increases your chance of suffering from a stroke or heart disease. Some people even experience physical pain due to loneliness.

 

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Luckily, gaining social support can have the opposite effect. Building strong social connections can strengthen your immune system, lower blood pressure, and reduce anxiety and depression. Some of the solutions for dealing with loneliness in the workplace include promoting a culture of inclusion and empathy. The authors also recommend celebrating collective successes to bring team members together. You can learn more about the impact of loneliness in the original article here.

According to the article, increasing social support and maintaining an inclusive work environment can help prevent loneliness. However, leaders can often feel alone even when surrounded by people. High achieving professionals need mental stamina and resilience. Your resiliency determines your ability to overcome obstacles. Learning to deal with stressful situations minimises the risk of burnout.

Humans have the ability to adapt their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. NLP uses this concept to help people adapt and thrive. Common NLP techniques for addressing stress include association exercises and stimulus-response anchors. Association helps you associate positive thoughts with your current situation. For example, you can relax and imagine a tranquil environment, such as a beach. Imagine what you see, feel, and hear. A stimulus-response anchor is an anchor that you create to help you relax.

You’re never truly alone. Help is available. If you want to avoid burnout and combat loneliness, use confidence coaching to develop a more positive mindset. You’ll find it easier to grow your support network and cope with workplace stress. Learn more about my one-to-one coaching services and online courses at https://thinklearnsucceed.com.au/

Leadership loneliness: the hidden epidemic

Loneliness isn’t something leaders talk about at work – but it should be. There’s growing evidence that burnout and loneliness go together, producing a vicious cycle of isolation, overwork and exhaustion that directly impacts relationships and productivity at work. So, is your burnout really loneliness? Watch this week’s video to find out.

 

If loneliness is impacting YOU as a leader, here are three simple ways to combat it.

Get a coach

Long-term coaching relationships are the best way to prevent burnout and get the personalised support you need as a leader. For example, I’ve been supported by my coach for 22 years now. And during the COVID crunch, that relationship saved my business. When I was gripped by despair and feeling overwhelmed, having a trusted advisor on hand kept me focused and optimistic. All leaders should have coaches or mentors – and not only in the tough times!

 

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Join a support group

Surprisingly, most leadership development programs don’t address the impact of senior managers feeling isolated, unsupported and under intense pressure. That’s why I developed my Mojo Reboot program. It helps leaders build mental stamina by tapping into the power of group support. The program runs over three weeks to help leaders build momentum and decrease isolation.

Know the difference between tiredness and loneliness

Both conditions lead to low energy and lack of motivation. But what fixes exhaustion won’t resolve loneliness. Read my recent blog article for more information about loneliness and how to spot the signs of how it is impacting you or members of your team.

Is fast thinking slowing you down?

Is fast thinking slowing you down? When you’re too busy stressing over everything, you lack the time needed to reflect. You’re more likely to miss opportunities. You may not discover the right path, as you’re too focused on the current one. Challenging your assumptions and exploring other options requires you to slow down. You need to reflect instead of reacting too quickly.

A recent article written for Harvard Business Review discusses the importance of “slow thinking.” The authors of the article explain how some of the most successful CEOs set aside time to reflect. Reflective thought gives you time to examine your beliefs. It helps you create connections between different pieces of information. Complex thinking requires you to slow down and consider a variety of variables. Rushing your thought process increases the risk of mistakes.

The article points out that many of the top leaders set aside time for personal development. Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg, and Bill Gates all schedule time to reflect. Unfortunately, this goes against the belief that leaders need to devote everything to their careers. You may fear slowing down due to the risk of being labelled an imposter.

So, how can you retrain your brain? First, the authors suggest scheduling thinking time. Setting aside a few minutes or an entire hour to sit quietly and think can ease stress and improve cognitive thinking. The second suggestion is to enlist help. Find a partner to help you explore ideas instead of internalising everything.

 

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The third solution presented in the article is to prevent information overload. The authors recommend setting boundaries, such as not checking work email outside of work hours. You may also replace internal emails with messaging apps. You should also question everything. Challenging assumptions helps you explore new ideas and opportunities. You can read more about the impact of fast thinking and how to slow down your brain here.

The article presented some useful tips for avoiding information overload. Along with scheduling time for reflection, consider using NLP. Neuro-linguistic programming and positive psychology practices help alter your thinking patterns. NLP reframing and meta-modelling are a couple of techniques that can help you reflect and challenge assumptions.

NLP reframing teaches you to view situations from a different perspective or “frame.” You open your mind to other possibilities. This involves identifying a negative thought and seeing it in another light. Reframing makes it easier to challenge assumptions and conflicting beliefs. NLP meta-modelling also requires you to challenge generalisations, distortions, and deletions. These thinking habits keep you from clearly reflecting on what’s happening around you. Generalising negative situations and distorting reality limit your thought processes. NLP helps you question your thoughts. You can develop a healthier relationship with your inner voice.

Don’t let fast thinking get in the way of your success. Learn to slow your thinking and reflect on your experiences using mindfulness and other NLP techniques. If you’re ready to increase your mental stamina and resilience, explore my one-to-one coaching services and online courses available at https://thinklearnsucceed.com.au/

Your brain on stress – it’s scary

We all know that stress is not a good thing. But did you know that chronic stress can rewire your brain? Regular stress builds up the brain’s threat-detection systems, just as regularly lifting weights builds up your arms. At the same time, though, other parts of your brain shrink – including those used for deep-level thinking and problem-solving. These changes directly impact your work performance.

 

For example, many of my coaching clients have recently been complaining they’re having difficulty concentrating or making decisions. Many of these people are just plain stressed out. After two years of pushing through pandemic chaos, they’re tired. In many cases, they’ve lost sight of the difference between endurance and resilience. If that’s happening with you, watch this week’s video.

 

Here are three other surprising facts about your brain on stress.

 

Fact 1: Stress is linked to memory loss

Scientists used to think this was a symptom linked only to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). However, they’ve now determined that’s not the case. Any stress causes your brain to release a hormone that blocks the production of memory-forming chemicals called neurotransmitters.

 

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Fact 2: Stress-induced brain changes are long-term

This means that stress can impact your brain for much longer than you imagine. There’s currently research looking at the effects of brain changes in people who have been through traumatic experiences – such as soldiers serving in war zones. This shows that brain changes linked to stress kick in early – and may even damage brain development.

 

Fact 3: Stress shrinks brain areas linked to higher learning

A recent brain imaging study shows that daily stress is linked with less grey matter in brain areas critical for memory, emotional regulation and decision making. What does this mean for YOU? It means that you can’t afford to ignore the impact of stress on your brain health.

Find out more about this concerning – but interesting – topic in my recent blog article. More importantly, do something to reduce your stress today. Stop working excessive hours and start spending time with supportive friends and colleagues. Get into nature – there’s strong evidence that being outdoors significantly reduces stress. Exercise. Or (my favourite stress-busting technique of all time) savour some chocolate while doing nothing at all.

‘Your brain doesn’t just ‘fog’ under stress: it shrinks

Don’t let stress get to you. Stress kills brain cells and impairs your thinking. A recent article compiles research that suggests that chronic stress has long-term consequences for the brain. Stress can cause more anxiety, health issues, and even shrink your brain. Luckily, you can strengthen your brain and resilience for fighting stress.

Stress is a common part of life. For most people, stress tends to come and go. Unfortunately, those who face constant stress also face a long list of negative consequences. An article on Verywell Mind compiled the latest research on the effects of stress on the brain.

One study found that stress leads to long-term changes in the brain. It can increase your risk of mental illness and anxiety. It also limits your ability to cope with stress, leading to a cycle of negative thoughts. Researchers found that stress limits the production of neurons. It also increases the production of myelin-producing cells. These changes interfere with certain areas of the brain, leading to negative health risks.

Studies also show that chronic stress alters the brain’s structure. The overproduction of myelin caused by stress interferes with neural networks in the brain. It alters the balance between grey and white matter. This may impact your decision-making and problem-solving skills.

 

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Yet, one of the most shocking discoveries was that stress kills brain cells. The hippocampus is the area of the brain connected to emotion, learning, and memory. It is also the area where you form new brain cells. Stress limits the ability of new cells to survive, essentially limiting your ability to learn and grow. Another study found that chronic stress also limits spatial memory. Spatial memory is your ability to recall information. So, if you’re frequently forgetful and struggle to concentrate, you may be suffering from chronic stress. You can read more about the ways that stress affects your brain here.

What can you do about the stress in your life? Try NLP. Neuro-linguistic programming is a growing area of positive psychology. It offers a variety of exercises for increasing resilience. You can gain the mental stamina needed to avoid letting stress get to your head. NLP anchoring is one of the most used NLP techniques for fighting stress. It helps you create positive responses that you can pull from when you experience stress, fear, or anxiety.

Anchors are often words, gestures, or images that create positive thoughts. When a difficult situation arises, you use the anchor to calm your mind. It helps you relax and focus on the present. After creating an anchor, you can use it as needed as a stress relief tool. You can even create different anchors for dealing with a variety of situations or environments.

Stress can negatively impact almost every area of your life, but it’s something that you can learn to overcome. NLP techniques can equip your brain with the tools needed to let go of the fear and anxiety that creates stress. You can learn more about NLP by exploring my one-to-one coaching services and online courses at https://thinklearnsucceed.com.au/

7 surprising habits of resilient people

Are you struggling to grow in your personal or professional life? If so, looking at the habits of highly resilient people may help. Failing to achieve success often comes down to your way of thinking. A recent article helped dispel several common myths about resiliency, including the idea that your past is impossible to escape.

Past failures and traumas don’t need to hold you back. As discussed in a recent article on resilience written by Silvia Rockwell, anyone can become more resilient. This is also an important point in positive psychology. You have the power to alter your way of thinking. However, along with getting in the way of your own resiliency, your thoughts and actions may impact the resiliency of others.

First, it’s important to address some of the myths surrounding resiliency. For example, you may think that some people are beyond hope or that you can’t change. Silvia Rockwell identifies four common myths that get in the way of fostering resilience in children, students, and peers.

Rockwell mentions the myth of irreparable damage. This is the idea that some people are just too broken. The truth is that no one is entirely lost. People are adaptable, no matter their past experiences.

Rockwell also dispels the myth of predetermination. Some people believe that children are predetermined to repeat the mistakes of their caregivers. No one is predetermined for a specific outcome. You have control over your life’s path and the decisions that you make.

The myth of identity is also explored in the article. This is the idea that people are defined by their past. An abused child is defined by the abuse. Your past is what happened to you. It’s not who you are today.

 

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The combination of myths discussed lead to the fourth myth, which is that nothing matters. People become discouraged and stop believing that their efforts matter. The truth is that everyone deserves hope. You can read more about the myths that prevent fostering resilience here.

So, how can you become more resilient? Resilient people build their mental stamina by accepting help. They also surround themselves with supportive people. It’s also important to stop blaming yourself for things you can’t control. Make peace with the past. Resilient people also pay attention to their physical health. You need adequate sleep and rest, but also need to keep yourself active. Resiliency also requires you to embrace change and learn to adapt, which is where NLP can help.

NLP reframing and anchoring can both help you increase your adaptability and resilience. Reframing allows you to view events from a different frame or perspective. It helps you identify thoughts and the behaviours you want to change. NLP anchors help you change your thoughts and behaviours. You learn to create anchors or memories that help you recognise and control your emotions.

Fostering resiliency in others requires you to address your own mental stamina. Stop believing the myths of irreparable damage, predetermination, and inescapable labels. NLP can help you break the patterns keeping you from flourishing. I’d love to help. View my one-to-one coaching services and online courses at https://thinklearnsucceed.com.au/