By Eleanor Shakiba Impact tips 0 Comments

Beware this confidence trap

If you want to be more confident, no doubt you’ve tried thinking positive thoughts about yourself. Indeed, this is a strategy many self-help gurus advocate. However, it turns out the link between thoughts and feelings isn’t as simple as this approach implies. In fact, it can lead to you getting the process of confidence building totally wrong.

Yes, there is a proven connection between thoughts and feelings. And, yes, shifting your thoughts can impact your emotional states. However, it’s important to recognise that the influence works the other way, too. This is important to know if you’re working on your confidence.

Richard Petty is a distinguished professor of psychology at Ohio State University. He’s been exploring the link between thinking patterns and behaviour for decades. His studies on the impact of confidence on behaviour are fascinating. Essentially, Petty has shown that the more confident someone feels when they think of a thought, the more likely they are to act upon that thought. While this might sound like common sense, in fact, it’s not. That’s because Petty also found that the state of confidence does not have to be directly linked to the thought itself. In other words, if you’re feeling confidence, then you are more likely to believe what you think in that moment. The practical implications of this can be huge.

 

Subscribe to our mailing list and receive fortnightly tips and videos:

 

For example, you might be thinking it would be nice to set up your own business. If you felt confident when you thought this, you’d be more likely to take action – regardless of whether you knew how! As Petty puts it, “Confidence magnifies what you’re already thinking.” That’s great if you’re thinking ambitiously. It’s not quite so useful if you’re thinking pessimistically.

Fortunately, Petty has also demonstrated that it’s surprisingly easy to boost your confidence. Simply ‘manipulating’ your physical posture can significantly influence how much you believe what you are thinking. Petty demonstrated this by studying over 150,000 people. His research showed that simply asking people to nod their heads whilst thinking about their personal attributes could significantly impact the extent to which volunteers believe those thoughts.

The same was true for negative thoughts. Volunteers who nodded whilst thinking negative things about themselves, believe those thoughts more than people who shook their heads. Petty experimented with various other postural changes, all of which demonstrated the same impact on confidence levels. And then, as a ripple effect, the believability of a thought. He found that when people slump, they are less confident about what they’re thinking. When they sit upright, they become more confident.

Ultimately, then, if you want to ‘believe in yourself’ more, make sure you’re adopting a confident posture before thinking about your own abilities to take action.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a trainer and coach, with a passion for unleashing the power of positive deviance in talented people. She has taught more than 50,000 people how to excel professionally. An expert in the field of Positive Psychology, Eleanor is also qualified in Social Anthropology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She specialises in helping HR and L&D practitioners to unleash the power of positive psychology in business. Her major focus in developing three key areas that support positive workplace cultures: positive mindset, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. Download your free copy here.

By Eleanor Shakiba HR AND TRAINING TIPS 0 Comments

My favourite saying is this

Wow. I’ve been working in the personal development field since 1994. Over the years, I’ve read hundreds of self-help books. I’ve heard many wise words. And I’ve been exposed to many motivational statements. Most of these have faded from my memory.

Yet one stands out. This is the statement which pops into my mind in moments of self-doubt or uncertainty. It’s become a compass, which helps me keep both my life and my business on course. I don’t even remember where I first came across it. Nor do I know who originally created it. However, it resonates deeply with me.

The statement is “You are creating your future now”.

Why do I value this saying so much? I think it’s because it so neatly embodies an entire philosophy of life in such a succinct format. Additionally, it can be interpreted in many ways. This makes it a statement which can guide decisions and actions in a huge range of contexts. When things are going well, it suggests that you continue with current endeavours. When problems arise, on the other hand, it provides scope for shifting direction.

I’m sure you will find many meanings in this statement for yourself. Here are the three most important messages I draw from it.

 

Subscribe to our mailing list and receive fortnightly tips and videos:

 

Everything we do has implications for the future

From choosing what we eat each day to making important life or career decisions, we are accountable for our actions. No, we can’t control what happens next. However, our decisions do set in place chains of events. So, it is always wise to consider that, even when we choose to do nothing, we are still impacting our future state.

We always have choices

Even when options are very limited, we have the capacity to manage our own thinking. Sometimes the only choice we have is to manage our reaction. Those of us who take this choice, tend to be more resilient and confident. This is why I prefer to make considered choices wherever I can.

Hope fuels resilience

Accepting that the future can be better than now creates hope. I keep this in mind when I feel pessimistic or despairing. Knowing that tomorrow can be better than today has been the source of resilience for many people before us. When we choose to tap into hopefulness and optimism, we have a far greater chance of experience in a positive future. Why? Because we’re more likely to head in the right direction and take meaningful action.

The next time you’re wondering what to do, or feeling uncertain about your current situation, try interpreting things through the lens of this statement. You never know, you might just find that creating your future now is an inspiring source of energy and success.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a positive psychology trainer. She designs bespoke programs for organisations and individuals who want to promote ‘positive deviance’ in business. Her expertise in teaching social and emotional intelligence skills makes Eleanor a highly sought-after facilitator. Eleanor’s qualifications are in Positive Psychology, Social Anthropology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners.

By Eleanor Shakiba HR AND TRAINING TIPS 0 Comments

This ‘outdated’ technique will make you a top tier trainer

What’s the difference between an average trainer and an excellent trainer? Facilitation skills. After all, anyone can gather information on Google, create bullet points in a PowerPoint presentation and then yap away at an audience. But great trainers never do this. Superb trainers are subject-matter experts, so they know far more than a simple Google search can reveal. Fabulous trainers know enough about the ‘what’ of their topic to fully focus on the ‘how’ of delivery. This frees them to use the most powerful training technique humans have developed. Experiential learning.

I first studied adult education in the mid-1990s. Back then, UTS was renowned for its expertise in experiential learning theory and methodology. Studying with top researchers in this area was an exciting experience. I quickly became fascinated by adult learning theory and experiential learning techniques. My passion for this field led to me studying many of the origin points of experiential learning techniques. These included psychodrama, Rogerian group work and applied psychology.

The point about experiential learning is that it engages students in both hands-on doing and reflecting on the results of that doing. It’s a highly interactive and engaging way to prompt learning. At its best, experiential learning provides a methodology for helping course participants turn ‘negative’ experiences into rich sources of wisdom and knowledge. In fact, experiential learning processes are very similar to those adopted by advocates of growth mindset techniques.

Sadly, many trainers are not familiar with experiential learning methodology. This is partly because our modern certificate in training and assessment qualifications focus on presentation skills rather than group work skills. In a way, this is good news for those of us who want to excel in our field. By learning to use experiential techniques, we can easily enrich our practice.

 

Subscribe to our mailing list and receive fortnightly tips and videos:

 

If you like to master group work and experiential learning tools, attend one of my intensive programs for trainers and presenters. For now, though, here are a couple of thoughts to get you started.

Professional framing means your experiential activities will stay on track

Skilled facilitators know that high quality briefing leads to high quality learning experience. Always clearly explain the purpose and the process of experiential activities before starting them. Make yourself available throughout the activities for participants to refer to. This is particularly important for more concrete learners, who sometimes need guidance in the reflective part of experiential debriefing.

Let go of meaning

The whole point of experiential techniques is to enable participants to create their own meaning from experience. This means, that as a trainer, you need to make space for learner interpretation. Often the messages participants gain from activities are far more meaningful than those you wish to impart. Accept this and use your debriefing skills to ensure that learning translates into behaviour change in the real world.

Remember that fast training isn’t necessarily effective training

Don’t give in to pressure to condense your session into a 30-minute format. Experiential techniques require time for processing. Ideally, design your activities so you can scale the timings up and down according to the needs of the group. And remember, great trainers are flexible and respond to learner needs in the moment.

Of course, using experiential learning techniques does require you to be confident and ready to adapt. To achieve success, spend time honing your facilitation and debriefing skills.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a consultant in the areas of positive psychology training and solution focused coaching. She partners with HR and L&D teams to build vibrant cultures where ‘positive deviants’ thrive. Areas she specialises in include positive mindset, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Eleanor is qualified in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. Her passion is working with positive deviants to build success. Download a copy of her free ebook Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners .

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

What is self-awareness? by Eleanor Shakiba

This video is part of a positive psychology series. Find out more about positive psychology in Eleanor’s free eBook, the Positive Psychology Toolkit.

Unlock the power of self-awareness. Self-awareness is your ability to have a sense of your ‘self’ being separate to others. It is one of a few unique abilities that make you human. In this video, positive psychology trainer, Eleanor Shakiba, helps us understand the two broad categories of self-awareness and the micro skills you can develop to prevent self-consciousness. Resilience training can help cultivate greater self-awareness, which empowers individuals to become more mindful, resourceful and compassionate.

This video on self-awareness is part of a playlist of positive psychology videos by master trainer, Eleanor Shakiba. If you’re looking for resilience videos or positive thinking videos, subscribe to Eleanor’s channel for regular updates. To book Eleanor to train your team, visit her official site at Think Learn Succeed. To purchase training materials on resilience, learned optimism and employee wellbeing, visit the Think Learn Succeed shop.
 


 

Subscribe to our mailing list and receive fortnightly tips and videos:

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology. Her passion is teaching talented people to use social and emotional intelligence to excel in business. These skills centre around building positive mindsets, proactive communication habits and purposeful leadership behaviours. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba Impact tips 0 Comments

How embracing introversion made me a better facilitator

Most people assume I am an extravert. After all, I spend my days working with groups and being centre stage of learning experiences. However, I have a strong preference for introversion. My delight in training comes from seeing people grow and develop rather than the performance side of training. I’ve worked with hundreds of trainers and HR specialists in my years as a consultant. This has given me ample opportunity to observe the differences between extraverted and introverted facilitators. Perhaps I’m biased, but I believe introverts are far better facilitators than more extraverted types. Not sure you agree? Here are four key strengths I observed in introverted facilitators.

Introverts read the room superbly

Especially when they have a well-developed intuitive function, introverts have an outstanding ability to pick up and understand the buy in a room. This means they spontaneously intervene in ways which redirects group energy. Many of the best facilitators I’ve known have been introverts with a flair for detecting subsurface conflict or resistance. The most gifted of these, are usually also exceptionally skilled at helping individuals work through tension points or zones of disagreement.

They listen to understand

Ah, yes. We all know introverts are fabulous listeners. This is because they pay attention to subtle changes in body language and tonality, which may be overlooked by more extraverted types. In facilitation context, this strength powers up the introvert’s ability to understand and connect with group members.

 

Subscribe to our mailing list and receive fortnightly tips and videos:

 

Introverts condense complex ideas into simple messages

This makes them great trainers. Introverts prefer to fully develop ideas before expressing them. This means that introverted facilitators tend to have a knack for boiling down complex ideas until they become easy to explain. Learners therefore often experience introverted trainers as easy to understand and skilled in teaching frameworks and models.

Introverts put the spotlight on others, not themselves

To me, this is the greatest strength of the introverted facilitator. It enables the introverts to guide learning or decision-making processes, whilst at the same time seemingly being invisible. This helps foster a safe learning environment. And it also means that group members find it easier to engage in meaningful conversation and experimentation.

Overall, as I matured in my own facilitation approach, I’ve come to realise that my introverted preference is a huge bonus. It occasionally leads me to become worn out after too much group interaction. But my introversion also allows me to work as a trusted partner to many inspiring groups and individuals. Many of whom would have no idea that I’m not an extravert at all!

Eleanor Shakiba is a specialist in positive psychology and resilience training. She is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. Download your copy of this inspiring free resource for facilitation experts here.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology. Her passion is teaching talented people to use social and emotional intelligence to excel in business. These skills centre around building positive mindsets, proactive communication habits and purposeful leadership behaviours. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

Can self-awareness lead to imposter syndrome?

Yes. There is a dark side to self-awareness. Facilitators and coaches need to be aware of this when working with highly sensitive clients. For most people, building self-awareness leads to improved social and communication skills. It also promotes deep level learning. However, in individuals with a hypercritical inner dialogue, boosting self-awareness can lead to self-consciousness and imposter syndrome.

How does this happen? More importantly, what can positive psychology trainers do to prevent it? Answering these questions means understanding the process of metacognition and how it links to learning. Humans are unique in their ability to think about thinking. Known as metacognition by psychologists, this capability enables your clients to learn from experience. It also allows them to assess the impact of their own actions on others.

This is why all the best trainers and facilitators tout the value of reflective learning. However, we need to do this with clear boundaries in place. Always remember that for highly sensitive people, experiential learning can switch from constructive to destructive mode all too easily.

The switch happens when a learner talks to themselves inwardly about their actions or experiences. In constructive learning cycles, individuals reflect on real life experiences from a growth mindset perspective. This means they generate a supportive and learning focused inner dialogue. Highly sensitive learners, on the other hand, sometimes take on a highly critical inner voice. Typically, this emphasises personal flaws. It uses shaming, blaming or complaining to critique the learner’s performance. Once the voice becomes dominant, the learner becomes negatively self-aware. Over time, this leads to imposter syndrome.

 

Subscribe to our mailing list and receive fornightly tips and videos:

 

Savvy facilitators pre-empt this process. For example, in my positive psychology training courses I teach participants to monitor the tone of their inner dialogue. I ask them to do this as they progress through the three stages of reflective learning. As they review real-life experiences, I instruct learners to focus on what they did well. I ask how they applied their strengths.

During the second stage of reflection, I use solution focused questions to guide learners’ positive insight and conceptualisation. Finally, as learners begin planning for the future, I stress the importance of leaving the past behind. I teach them to consciously adopt new approaches to familiar situations. This promotes a cycle of positive future casting and enables people to learn resiliently.

If you’re committed to bringing out the best in your people, remember that reflection works best when it’s positively focused. As a positive psychology facilitator, listen for external language cues which reveal a learner’s processing habits. Gently guide the reflective process so that your learners can get into the habit of supporting themselves internally. Useful tools for doing this are the meta-model from neurolinguistic programming and the growth mindset model from positive psychology training.

Interested in these techniques from positive psychology? Find out more about them in Eleanor Shakiba’s Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. Download your free copy here.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a trainer and coach, with a passion for unleashing the power of positive deviance in talented people. She has taught more than 50,000 people how to excel professionally. An expert in the field of Positive Psychology, Eleanor is also qualified in Social Anthropology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She specialises in helping HR and L&D practitioners to unleash the power of positive psychology in business. Her major focus in developing three key areas that support positive workplace cultures: positive mindset, proactive communication and purposeful leadership. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. Download your free copy here.

By Eleanor Shakiba HR AND TRAINING TIPS 0 Comments

12 tools for smart trainers: blended learning

Everyone learns at their own pace. And savvy facilitators factor this principle into every session they present. Blended learning techniques are your best friend here. As you know, they use a combination of face-to-face instruction and online or digital learning tools. However, you need to design your blended learning programs exceptionally well. Taking shortcuts and simply ‘mashing’ content together will confuse learners rather than fostering skill development.

In the best blended learning programs, trainers consider the best method for delivering each component. At a minimum, learners receive both in-person instruction and digital content. More advanced programs include coaching (online or face-to-face as required), peer support groups and action learning projects. Coherence is created through careful program design and briefing. This is why blended learning is not a ‘cheap option’ and trainers should stress this to senior managers when they are asked to ‘just put something online’.

Blended learning started as an educational model for adolescents, but it quickly gained popularity in the corporate world. Research has found several indicators of positive learning outcomes in blended learning. With the right techniques, anyone can benefit from a combination of digital and face-to-face training. However, trainers and facilitators need to ensure their blended programs cater to a wide range of learning styles and technical abilities.

 

Subscribe to our mailing list and receive fortnightly tips and videos:

 

You also need to choose the right format for blending face-to-face training and digital material. A common blended strategy involves distributing digital training material before a face-to-face training session. This means people can familiarise themselves with key concepts in advance. The in-person training can then focus on a discussion of the content and practical exercise. When done well, this reduces the time spent explaining concepts and increases the time available for experiential activities and groupwork.

Another strategy involves virtual training as an extension of the workforce’s regular duties. For example, employees may complete digital courses to learn new skills that aid their current job responsibilities. The digital material provides additional knowledge while they gain practical experience at work. Organisations may also use digital material as supplemental content for an in-person training program. Most of the training is completed face-to-face, but employees need to complete additional assignments through a digital platform. This strategy blends both methods to accommodate a wider range of preferred learning styles.

It’s obvious that blended learning is here to stay. As we learn more about human interaction with technology, trainers will develop better ways to enhance engagement and retention in blended programs. My hunch is, these will be underpinned by firm knowledge of education psychology, positive psychology training and experiential learning methods. So don’t let your facilitation and design skills get rusty!

Want to boost your training and facilitation skills? Enrol in a trainers’ master class with Eleanor Shakiba today.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a positive psychology trainer. She designs bespoke programs for organisations and individuals who want to promote ‘positive deviance’ in business. Her expertise in teaching social and emotional intelligence skills makes Eleanor a highly sought-after facilitator. Eleanor’s qualifications are in Positive Psychology, Social Anthropology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. Eleanor is the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners.

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

Confidence the Introvert Way by Eleanor Shakiba

“Whosoever is delighted in solitude, is either a wild beast or a god.” I think Aristotle captures the pros and cons of being introverted brilliantly here. Introverts are often assumed to be shy. They think of themselves as lacking confidence. I see things differently. Watch Confidence the Introvert’s Way now.
 


 

Subscribe to our mailing list and receive fortnightly tips and videos:

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology. Her passion is teaching talented people to use social and emotional intelligence to excel in business. These skills centre around building positive mindsets, proactive communication habits and purposeful leadership behaviours. Eleanor’s qualifications include degrees and diplomas in Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

Self-awareness versus self-consciousness: what’s the difference?

Imposter syndrome is a big problem in business. It leads talented people to overwork and burn out. Ironically, the very sensitivity that trainers and HR practitioners want their leaders to possess (self-awareness) seems to drive imposter thinking. The problem is, some people take self-awareness too far. When this happens, they become self-conscious and a downward spiral begins. Understanding the difference between self-awareness and self-consciousness can help prevent this problem occurring in your business. So, how are self-awareness and self-consciousness different?

Legend has it that seven sages of ancient Greece gathered together in Delphi and encapsulated their wisdom in one command: know thyself. But can taking this advice too far turn self awareness into self consciousness? Not if you understand what self-awareness truly is.

Self-awareness is your ability to have a sense of your ‘self’ being separate to others. It is one of a few unique abilities that make you human. Cats aren’t self-aware, for example. If a cat sees itself in a mirror, it hisses and spits. Why? It thinks the reflection is another cat. You, however, see ‘yourself’ in a mirror. You learned to recognise yourself from a very young age. This was the age at which developed a sense of self-awareness.

Psychologists have defined two broad categories of self-awareness – internal and external. Internal self-awareness refers to how you view your thoughts, feelings, behaviours, strengths and weaknesses. External self-awareness is how you believe that others view these traits and characteristics. People who adopt a critical sense of external self-awareness are more likely to become self-conscious. They assume others are judging them negatively.

 

Subscribe to our mailing list and receive fornightly tips and videos:

 

Sadly, many talented people are secretly self-conscious. This leads to perfectionism, excessive work hours and an inability to ‘let things go’. Leaders and L&D practitioners should watch out for these signs. By intervening early, you can prevent self-consciousness developing into imposter syndrome. There are many positive psychology training and coaching techniques that can help you do this. Additionally, you can use resilience training to prevent burnout destroying your best talent. There are three key skills to teach your people: self-reflection, mindfulness and self-compassion.

Self-reflection

Self-conscious people ruminate. Confident people reflect. This is a key distinction to keep in mind when delivering leadership or emotional intelligence training. Remember to explain the difference. Then give your people simple tools for reflecting on their experiences. Show them how to stop focusing on things that go wrong and instead ask ‘what have I learned from this?’.

Mindful attention

Mindfulness is also a useful tool for building self-awareness. Teach your people how to recognise thoughts as they arise, without dwelling on them. This helps eliminate self-consciousness and foster healthy self-awareness.

Self-compassion

Self-compassion is an important concept to teach people anyone who suffers from imposter syndrome. It involves means being sensitive to your own suffering and accepting all aspects of yourself. Having self-compassion means being able to relate to yourself in a way that’s forgiving, accepting and loving when situations might be less than optimal. Resilience trainers or HR experts who want to learn more about self-compassion should explore the work of Dr. Kristin Neff. Leaders who want to apply positive psychology in their own lives can also benefit from gaining a better understanding of Dr Neff’s work.

To unlock the power of self-awareness, start working with positive psychology trainers and coaches. Resilience training can help cultivate greater self-awareness, which empowers individuals to become more mindful, resourceful and compassionate. Contact Eleanor Shakiba today to find the secret to boosting self-awareness among your people.

 

About the author: Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a specialist in positive psychology training. Her core strength is creativity, which she expresses in the training room through storytelling and visual design. She has dedicated her career to helping experienced professionals break through glass ceilings by developing their confidence, communication skills and leadership mastery. Eleanor is qualified in a range of fields including Social Anthropology, Positive Psychology, Counselling, Coaching, Adult Education and Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is also the author of the Positive Psychology Toolkit for HR and L&D Practitioners. This is a free resource for trainers and facilitators.

By Eleanor Shakiba Impact tips 0 Comments

Coaching

Did you know Eleanor provides coaching for trainers, course creators and L&D consultants? Get the support you need when planning your training program, leading a training team or setting up your L&D consultancy. Download your free coaching starter pack.

 

Subscribe to our mailing list and receive fortnightly tips and videos: