To Abbey, Jim had always seemed kind and helpful. She disliked hearing from Tom how Jim flirted with women in the department, held a side job, had been married multiple times or that he drove a particular kind of car to impress others. But she never said anything, because she didn’t want to be rude.
1. Watch out for danger
The longer you participate in a gossip session, the harder it is to walk away. So watch out for early signs that a conversation is deteriorating into negative gossip. For example, phrases like “did you hear about…” or “don’t tell anyone else but…” might precede gossip. Or people might look over their shoulders and lower their voices. When these things happen, be ready to act.
Gossiping involves sharing unsubstantiated information. Gossiping at work is a normal behaviour – it is a way of sharing news and bonding with colleagues. Most gossip is innocent and helps connect people. But when gossip becomes malicious and nasty, it is a toxic behaviour. You can tell that a conversation has moved beyond harmless chitchat when:
The benefits of resolving conflict include better team dynamics, less personal stress and increased creativity. The aim of conflict resolution is to create fair solutions, which everyone can agree to. There are five steps involved in resolving conflict.
If you want to experience less stress during your family’s Christmas celebrations, you need to abandon old behaviour patterns. Here are three ways to do this.
Being talked over is annoying and frustrating. People do it for different reasons. Some people care so much about the topic under discussion that they forget to wait for your input. Others are just egocentric. You need to recognise the difference. People who are enthusiastic will only talk over you occasionally. Those who are egocentric will make it a habit. They are insecure – being the centre of attention compensates for their own inadequacies.
Your boundaries define the ‘space’ you place between yourself and others – both physically and psychologically. Healthy boundaries help you make appropriate contact with others. Unhealthy boundaries can create a sense of detachment or over-dependence on others.
Meredith was taking on some projects to keep her clients happy, even though those projects fell outside her core area of expertise. This meant she was working excessive hours in order to master them. It was time Meredith started saying ‘no’ to these projects. She came to one of my communication skills training sessions. Here are some of the ideas Meredith picked up. You can use the same principles to say no to time-wasting tasks in your job, too.
The direct no
You may sometimes feel you need to explain why you’re saying no. The problem is, explanations are often heard as excuses. For some people, your excuse is an opportunity to persuade you to say ‘yes’.
A direct approach is often needed. And some ways of saying ‘no’ work better than others. Saying ‘I can’t/won’t’ gets straight to the point but the most likely instant response will be ‘why not?’ Before you know it, you’re in explanation territory again.
‘No, not now’
Sometimes you really want to say ‘yes’. You would be happy to help if only there was less on your plate. You really don’t want to miss out on that golden opportunity, if only you could fit it in. Be firm with yourself and honest with others. Let people know when you can accommodate their request, rather than saying ‘no’ outright.
Fortnightly tips and videos to inspire Difference Makers and Future Shapers as their efforts change the world.