How to disagree without being disagreeable

Being in conflict involves having a difference of opinion. You can air that difference without causing offence.

There are many situations where you need to express disagreement tactfully. For example, you might need to express concern about an idea promoted by your boss. Your parents might have expectations you can’t meet. Or you might need to keep your partner on-side, whilst telling them your opinion differs from theirs. In these situations, you can use the following process.

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Four steps for resolving conflict

Conflict resolution is a process which aims to reduce disagreement. It takes time, but it reaps huge rewards.

The benefits of resolving conflict include better team dynamics, less personal stress and increased creativity. The aim of conflict resolution is to create fair solutions, which everyone can agree to. There are five steps involved in resolving conflict.

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Handling family conflict at Christmas

Christmas gatherings can be tough. Old relationship dynamics can set in and conflict can emerge.

If you want to experience less stress during your family’s Christmas celebrations, you need to abandon old behaviour patterns. Here are three ways to do this.

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How to communicate your boundaries

Keeping your personal boundaries intact is the key to maintaining your psychological safety. Here’s how to assert your boundaries when someone invades them.

Your boundaries define the ‘space’ you place between yourself and others – both physically and psychologically. Healthy boundaries help you make appropriate contact with others. Unhealthy boundaries can create a sense of detachment or over-dependence on others.

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Stop verbal abuse now

Verbally abusive people use tactics like shouting, swearing, mocking, sarcasm and veiled threats. Their aim is to intimidate and control you.

You don’t have to put up with verbal abuse. Whether it happens at work or at home, there is something you can do about it. Here are four steps to take when you’re the target of verbal abuse.

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Sorting out team conflict

Kym had made an informal complaint about Antony ‘bullying’ her. Now Michael, their supervisor, had to sort out the situation. Michael had done the right thing by taking Kym’s complaint seriously. But he wasn’t quite sure what to do next. He called me for advice. Here’s what I explained about taking on a mediation role when you’re a manager.

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Mediation: Tips for managers and supervisors

If conflict is causing chaos in your team, mediation may be the solution.

Workplace conflict affects performance and can have devastating effects on morale. Mediation – a discussion between people in conflict which is facilitated by an independent person – is often valuable in resolving issues. Here’s how to make mediation work for you at work.

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Framing an unpopular message

Got a difficult message to deliver? Here are some tips for telling people what they don’t want to hear.

If you need to break bad news, you need to frame your message carefully. Framing is all about choosing the right words – the words which will minimise resistance to your message. Giving bad news is never fun. Whether you’re telling someone they didn’t get the job or that their work isn’t up to scratch, you’ll probably be choosing your words carefully. Here’s how to frame your message effectively.

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Issues focussed language

Good intentions are often scuppered by a poor choice of words.

Focussing on the issue rather than the person is a good start to resolving conflict. Here are some tips for doing this.

More ‘I’, less ‘You’

Sentences which start with ‘you’ often sound like an attack. Reframe sentences into ‘I’ statements to make them less personal and accusing. Say ‘I feel angry when meetings start late’. Avoid saying ‘you are always late’ or ‘I’m angry because you are late’ (a ‘you’ sentence thinly disguised).

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