Have you ever wondered why some people seem to exude confidence naturally, while the rest of us struggle to find it? The truth is, confidence is not a personality trait or a genetic gift, it is a skill that can be developed and improved upon. And it turns out that building confidence might be more about developing emotion regulation skills than working on your self-esteem or trying to be more ‘authentic’. Indeed, it’s important not to confuse authenticity with being emotionally dysregulated.

So, what is emotion regulation and how can strengthening it boost your confidence? Basically, it’s the ability to notice and manage your emotional states. Doing this helps you respond constructively to difficult situations and setbacks. This boosts your resilience, problem-solving ability and confidence. In fact, research from the University of California, Berkeley, shows that people with strong emotion regulation skills tend to be more resilient and adaptable, which helps them to be authentically confident.

Take Sarah, a seasoned project manager in a top tech company. She was once notorious for her volatile reactions under stress. However, after learning about emotion regulation, she started implementing techniques such solution-focused thinking and cognitive reframing. Over time, she became more composed, better at decision-making and more confident – a metamorphosis her colleagues couldn’t help but notice.

So, how can you, too, master emotion regulation and build genuine confidence? This is a topic I explore extensively in my free masterclass, Hardwired for Confidence. For now, though, here’s a quick overview of the three main skills involved in wiring your brain for deep confidence.

Attention direction

This skill involves choosing where you focus your attention. Emotionally regulated people are skilled at directing their attention to the present moment, rather than getting caught up in negative thoughts or worries about the future. They also have the ability to shift their attention away from things that trigger unhelpful emotions, such as comparing themselves to others.

Breakthrough thinking

Changing how you tackle problems and setbacks can have a powerful impact on your confidence. Emotionally regulated individuals are able to focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems. They also are open to alternatives perspectives and are willing to shift their thinking in order to find effective solutions. This prevents them from getting stuck in negative thought patterns and increases their confidence in their ability to handle challenges.

Action reprogramming

Emotionally well-regulated people consciously choose how to respond, rather than reacting impulsively. This allows them to behave in ways that reap positive results. When you learn to change your habits and action-repertoires, you will naturally create a more positive life experience. This, in turn, boosts your confidence and self-assurance.

So, if you want to build complete confidence, it’s crucial to develop these three essential skills of emotion regulation.  By learning how to direct your attention, think more constructively and take intentional actions, you will experience a transformation in your confidence levels. And remember, building true confidence is not about pretending to be someone you’re not or ignoring your emotions, it’s about developing the skills to manage them effectively and authentically.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

Have you ever had an idea ignored when you presented it, then applauded when a colleague made the same suggestion two minutes later? If this sounds familiar, I can guarantee you are not alone in your frustration. In fact, this is one of the most common problems participants in my Women in Leadership courses report. No, it’s not caused by flawed communication habits or self-sabotage.

Let’s be clear: idea theft is an insidious workplace behaviour. And it impacts female professionals far more often than their male counterparts. Now, there have been many studies into why this happens. But understanding the problem won’t necessarily help you stop idea thieves taking the credit you deserve. So, let’s focus on a different question. How do you head idea thieves off at the pass? After working with thousands of successful women, I’ve found three simple strategies that will help you protect your ideas.

Prime your audience to listen

Priming signals that what you are about to say is important. It’s like holding up a big sign with the words ‘Pay Attention!’ written across it. When done well, it creates a sense of anticipation and makes your audience eager to listen. And it’s surprisingly easy to do. Just say something along the lines of, “I’ve been investigating how to solve the problem of xyz.” This makes it very clear that YOU have done the work.

Map out your argument visually

Remember that ideas stick when they are presented visually as well as verbally. Use documents, diagrams and whiteboard sketches to get your point across. This ensures that your ideas are not only heard, but also seen and understood by everyone in the room. Don’t forget to put your name on your diagram you’re using a document. This simple act is a powerful declaration, stating, “this is my idea and I stand by it.”

End with a call to action

Never leave an idea hanging. Instead, end your suggestion with a clear call to action. Make it clear that you’re not just talking, you’re making a proposal. Use phrases like, “To move my proposal forward, I now need you to do a, b, and c.” This subtle shift in the power dynamic means others are compelled to act on your idea instead of appropriating it.

So there you have it. If you’re tired of having your ideas swiped, stop complaining about it. Use these three steps to firmly establish yourself as a thought-leader. One who has the confidence and assertiveness to claim ownership of their ideas. Keep priming your audience, mapping out your arguments and ending with a call to action. Soon you’ll see a noticeable difference in how your ideas are received and credited.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders.