3 tiny words that power up credibility

This video comes with a free ebook, Beat Imposter Syndrome. Get your copy here. https://thinklearnsucceed.com.au/beat-imposter-syndrome-ebook-2/ Learn how to power up your credibility and influence, using standout language patterns. Discover how ‘chameleon words’ reduce your impact as a speaker. Then hear how regularly using three small words makes you stand out as a credible leader. Get tips for becoming a high-impact speaker from leadership consultant, Eleanor Shakiba.

 

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I’m a control freak… but I don’t let it control me.

Time to come clean. I’m a control freak. And I’m not the only one! In times of uncertainty many people react by trying to regain control. But that’s not a healthy way to lead yourself, your team or your business.

So, how can you tell that your ‘organised mindset’ is actually a sign that you’re in full-blown control freak mode? Here are three signs that are dead giveaways.

1. You’re stressing out about people knowing you’re stressing out

Yep, you’re not the only one who does this! It’s a surprisingly common way of thinking among people with imposter syndrome, a distorted, unhelpful form of ‘metacognition’.

2. You believe you are 100 percent responsible for your own success

You give yourself no leeway. If something goes wrong, you scold yourself. Then you start working on making it go right again. You say things like “failure isn’t an option” and there’s no such thing as good enough.” You over-schedule, over-commit and over-work. And still, you want to achieve more

No. It’s not ambition or a good work ethic. It’s a sign your confidence very likely needs a reboot.

3. You self-compassion battery is totally flat.

Self-compassion is a form of support and nurturing you give yourself when you make mistakes, face embarrassing situations, or encounter adversity. It’s like a battery; when it’s low, you don’t have the energy to enjoy your life. But t it can be recharged – and there are good reasons to keep it fully charged.

Paul Gilbert is a research scientist who studies the neuroscience of self-compassion. He claims that three brain systems work together to help you handle adversity and survive in chaotic times. Your ‘mammalian care-giving system’ is one of these systems. When it’s outward-facing, it enables you to feel, and show, compassion for those around you. But it can also be inward-facing. In this case, your care-giving system promotes a sense of self-security and stability.

 

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4 self-care habits that damage your confidence

Self-care is often touted as the guaranteed cure for low confidence and the antidote to imposter syndrome.  But guess what? This isn’t true. Just like it’s foolish to take antibiotics for every little ache and pain, it’s silly  to apply generic self-care practices as a cure for low confidence. How I’m not saying self-care is a bad thing. However, some self-care practices are more likely to damage your confidence than build it. Four of these are very common

Habit 1: Using minimising language

Some words unconsciously minimise your message and destroy your credibility. But many people (especially women) use these words in a vain attempt to fit in. For example, imagine a conference speaker who starts her presentation with the words “This isn’t really my area of expertise”. She certainly doesn’t sound confident and I bet she doesn’t feel confident, either.

Habit 2: staying in your comfort zone

I get it. You’ve been told that looking after yourself means reducing stress and saying ‘no’ to overloading yourself. Unfortunately, if you have low confidence this is the worst advice you can take, because it stops you learning. Believe it or not, confidence increases as your  willingness to learn builds. So, start challenging your assumptions about what’s possible and move into the learning zone.

Habit 3: Critiquing yourself all the time

Okay. Critiquing your own performance can be a great way to build your motivation to do better.  But when done excessively, self-critique turns into self-criticism. It quickly erodes your self-confidence. Plus, it turns into a habit which can be challenging to break. Resist the temptation to look for what you ‘should’ be doing better. Instead, focus on putting your strengths and passions to good use as a leader. Work with a coach or mentor if you need help doing this.

 

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Habit 4: Making contingency plans for everything

Yes, it does make sense to have backup plans for important parts of your life and work.  But having ‘just in case’ plans for everything is a clear sign that your need for control is …out of control. Remember that confidence doesn’t come from being in control. It is stronger when you believe in your own coping skills. Build those and suddenly confidence will be your default state.

Of course, self-care is important. However, it is important to make sure you’re practicing the right kind of self-care. Poor self-care habits can damage your confidence and stop you from building the skills you need to be successful.  It’s time to break these habits and become a confident leader. Are you ready? Let’s get started!

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

4 signs you’re overworking

Do you frequently feel rushed, out of time, or stressed? If so, you’re probably working too hard. High achievers tend to push themselves to exhaustion. You may also fear asking for help. These issues limit your efficiency and ability to achieve goals. Instead of working yourself into burnout, you need to manage your mind and your habits. Find out how to recognise the early signs of burnout – and what to do about them – in this  short video by mental stamina coach, Eleanor Shakiba.

 

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What causes narcissists to be spiteful: no, it isn’t you!

Are narcissists truly mean, competitive and jealous? In the article “What Makes Some Narcissists Mean, Competitive and Jealous” posted in Psychology Today, readers are provided with a comprehensive overview of the phenomenon of narcissism. The article delves into the psychological development of narcissists and reveals the factors that contribute to their behaviours. The article explains that most severe narcissists had likely suffered from emotional trauma during a crucial developmental period, which resulted in their self-centred traits. Furthermore, it is revealed that these individuals do not have an awareness of boundaries when they become triggered, meaning they will do anything to get what they want.

The implications of this kind of behaviour are particularly relevant to managers, business owners and supervisors who must work with narcissistic employees or colleagues. Not only is it important for these professionals to understand that their team member’s narcissistic tendencies stem from a deeper-seated issue, but also be aware of how such issues can manifest in workplace interactions. For example, how some narcissists may act out through manipulative tactics or become overly controlling and aggressive when in positions of power. It is important for employers to be able to recognise these warning signs before allowing someone’s ego to take control and destroy morale or productivity in the workplace.

In addition to outlining the causes and effects of narcissistic behaviour, the article provides tips on how leaders can effectively manage such individuals in their teams without damaging relationships or imposing further stress on them due to their underlying condition. These tips include providing consistent feedback on performance as well as finding ways for them to develop emotionally so as not to trigger any potential flare ups due to unresolved past issues. Additionally, leaders should strive for clear communication within teams so as to avoid misunderstandings which can lead to unnecessary confrontations between members; something which narcissists may often initiate when feeling threatened or unappreciated..

 

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In addition to outlining the causes and effects of narcissistic behaviour, the article provides tips on how leaders can effectively manage such individuals in their teams without damaging relationships or imposing further stress on them due to their underlying condition. These tips include providing consistent feedback on performance as well as finding ways for them to develop emotionally so as not to trigger any potential flare ups due to unresolved past issues. Additionally, leaders should strive for clear communication within teams so as to avoid misunderstandings which can lead to unnecessary confrontations between members; something which narcissists may often initiate when feeling threatened or unappreciated.

It is clear that understanding the dynamics behind narcissistic behaviours is paramount if we are looking towards creating healthy working environments free from unnecessary conflict or strain caused by egos run wild.  Although it is important to remember that nothing can replace professional therapy for those who may struggle with the emotional trauma associated with their particular condition.  By becoming cognisant of these issues, leaders can not only help protect themselves from potential liabilities but also create a safe environment in which team members can work together in harmony.

Find out more in the original article here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/insight-is-2020/201807/what-makes-some-narcissists-mean-competitive-and-jealous

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

Change does NOT always take a long time

This video comes with a free ebook, Beat Imposter Syndrome. Get your copy here. https://thinklearnsucceed.com.au/beat-imposter-syndrome-ebook-2/

You want to change the thinking and behaviour patterns that are holding you back. You’d love to reach your full potential and overcome imposter syndrome, low confidence and ‘bad habits’. Yet, you’ve been told success takes years of effort and ‘working on yourself’. Newsflash: this just isn’t true. Hear leadership trainer and success coach, Eleanor Shakiba, explain why you need to ditch the ‘slow change is deep change’ myth. Discover how fast, effective and long-lasting change can be once you have the right tools at your disposal

 

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The science of confidence

Do you feel like you could use a little more confidence in your life? Are you looking for ways to boost your self-esteem? If so, you’re in luck. According to this article in Psychology Today, there is a lot you can do to increase your confidence. It outlines some of the key findings from recent research on confidence.

One of the most important things to remember about confidence is that it is not a static trait. It can change over time, and it can be affected by our environment and our experiences. For example, you may be confident in one area of our lives but not in others. Our level of confidence can also vary from day to day.

There are many factors that influence our confidence levels, including our genes and our early experiences. However, there are also things that you can do to boost our confidence levels. Some of these include:

  • Practising self-compassion
  • Focusing on our strengths
  • Putting ourselves in challenging situations
  • Thinking positively about ourselves

These are just a few of the things that you can do to increase our confidence levels. If you want to boost your employees’ confidence, you need to find a way to tap into their individual motivations. For younger employees, it may be enough to praise their efforts and congratulate them on their accomplishments. For older employees, it may be more effective to focus on their strengths and give them specific instructions on what you would like them to do. The bottom line is that confidence is something that you can all work on, and it’s worth the effort.

 

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Confidence is essential for success in any field, but especially in business. A lack of confidence can hold you back from achieving our goals and reaching our full potential. Supervisors, managers, and business owners would do well to learn what makes people confident and how they can encourage their employees or team members to be more confident. Confidence is contagious; when someone feels confident, it rubs off on those around them.

For example, if you want to increase your competence, you can learn new skills or practice regularly. If you want to increase your power, you can start taking on more leadership roles or set challenging goals for yourself. If you want to increase your warmth, you can become more social and develop better relationships. And if you want to increase your connection, you can become more involved in your community or join a networking group.

Find out more in the original article here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-central/201005/the-science-confidence

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

Mel beat complexity overload and you can, too

Mel had been a thriving entrepreneur for years, but the last six months had been really hard. Her business was growing quickly, but that meant she was under pressure to launch new products regularly. Never good at managing details, Mel felt like her brain was on fire because every tiny thing seemed to need her input. Ergh. She was constantly on edge – overwhelmed by juggling multiple tasks and learning new things every day. Mel needed a fast solution. Sure, she’d been told that fast change rarely stuck, but she wasn’t convinced that was true.

The next day, after yet another detail-filled meeting with her team, Mel decided enough was enough. Yes. She needed a break from it all. Coffee at Bertoni wasn’t going to solve her problems this time! She needed pasta, cake and a good gossip as well. Packing her laptop into her bag, Mel headed off to her favourite cafe.

There she spotted a group on intriguing-looking people. One was talking about belly dancing. Another was talking about the best ways to teach young musicians. Plus, everyone was discussing the challenges of running creative teams. That’s when Mel knew she had to join in. Soon she was sharing her ‘Fried Brain’ feeling. Everyone in the group understood. In fact, I was there and was able to explain to Mel what it actually was: Complexity Overload. This happens when you are dealing with complex decisions and detailed information, without getting a break. It can destroy your resilience and wear down your mental stamina. As Mel knew all too well.

 

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Luckily, Mel had stumbled on a solution. You see, the group she had joined was a collection of  business owners  – an  informal gathering of local leaders who wanted to make a difference. They’d all met at Bertoni by chance and now gathered to chat at least once a month. That day Mel learned two things: First, that it was OK to take a break from her computer. Second, that joining a support group is the best way to beat mental overload. Nothing beats talking and helping each other out!

If you’re like Mel and need somewhere to connect with like-minded people, email me today. I offer a range of online support programs and face-to-face training programs. So, wherever you are, I can help you be a (relaxed) leader who makes a difference.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

 

 

 

Surprising ways nostalgia is good for us

Are the toughest challenges in life really within our own minds? This question is a common theme throughout the 10 Ways You’re Stronger Than You Think article from Psychology Today. In this piece, the author examines the power of nostalgia and how it can help people overcome self-doubt and build resilience. It argues that by recalling happy memories and moments of joy, we can tap into personal strengths that have been lying dormant, allowing us to face difficult situations with greater strength and courage.

Exploring what nostalgia is, outlining its definition as a sentimental yearning for the past or feelings of longing for an idealised past. The writer goes on to explain how nostalgia has been proven to be helpful in difficult times, providing a sense of meaning and purpose through remembering pleasant memories.  It highlights the science behind the power of nostalgia, and explains how it can help us build our resilience.

The article also examines the importance of self-affirmation in challenging times, arguing that by recognising our personal strengths we can better cope with difficult situations. It looks at how we can use affirmations to remind ourselves of our worth and potential

The writer then dives into 10 ways that people can use nostalgia to strengthen themselves; these include focusing on previous successes, cultivating positive relationships, revisiting past hobbies and interests, creating a positive environment and seeking out support from family and friends.

Managers, business owners and supervisors who often find themselves facing numerous challenges on a daily basis. By using the strategies discussed in this piece, leaders can tap into their hidden reserves of strength in order to better cope with uncertainty or fear during tough times. Additionally, they can draw upon happy memories which will provide them with comfort while helping them remain focused on their goals despite any obstacles they may face along the way.

 

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This empowering program offers guidance on how to use one’s own experiences as fuel for personal growth. It provides tools for building resilience so that individuals can face present struggles with confidence knowing that they have overcome similar hardships before.

In summary, 10 Ways You’re Stronger Than You Think is an inspiring article which explores how nostalgia can give us access to untapped reserves of strength when we need it most. The strategies outlined offer practical advice which is especially useful for managers, business owners and supervisors looking for ways to cope with challenging circumstances while remaining focused on their goals despite any obstacles they may encounter along their journey.

Find out more in the original article here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/articles/202203/10-ways-youre-stronger-than-you-think

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

Resilience is about bouncing FORWARDS, not back.

Contrary to popular opinion, being resilient doesn’t involve ‘bouncing back’ from adversity. The idea that you need to bounce back can lead to overload, stress and burnout. Smart leaders do something very different. Instead of bouncing back, they bounce forward and set goals for a positive future. Learn how to use positive psychology and NLP ‘future pacing’ techniques to create high levels of motivation and mental stamina. This short video is brought to you by positive deviance coach,  Eleanor Shakiba.

 

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