First-rate negotiators are adroit influencers. They know how to subtly guide their counterparts’ thinking by making smart linguistic choices. These are word choices that prime a listener to give a positive reaction. Think about the most influential people you know. I bet they’re skilled in the art of priming. They keep others on-side by framing their messages in positive and collaborative language. This means they get ‘yes’ responses more frequently.
When you think of win-win negotiation, what comes to mind? Obviously, a key tenet of the win-win approach is the idea of winning together, or mutual gain. But in practical terms, what exactly does this mean? For inexperienced negotiators, striving too hard to show a co-operative approach can blur the line between collaboration and capitulation. What’s the difference? And why does it matter?
What’s the difference between negotiators who cave in at the first sign of opposition and those who persist, are assertive and create win-win deals? It’s not just skill-set, it’s mindset. I’ve observed thousands of negotiation role plays. And I’ve noticed that people with positive, can-do attitudes tend to get better deals than those with less resilient mindsets. So what is resilience, and how can you apply it in your real-life negotiations?
I love people-watching. As a trainer, of course, I have ample opportunity to do so. While groups are completing roleplays or activities, it’s my job is to observe their body language patterns and communication habits. Many years of closer observation have brought my attention to a problem which creates ‘glass ceiling moments’ for female negotiators. Here’s what I’ve noticed, when women step into senior roles, body language patterns that previously helped them in negotiation begin to backfire. For example, patterns of smiling frequently often can help a woman be successful in a junior role. When she’s attempting to negotiate as a leader, however, smiling too often will reduce her credibility and be perceived as an anxious habit.
Speak their language
People listen to what makes sense to them. This means you need to frame your message from their perspective. For example, there’s a big difference between the following two statements. Which would you be most likely to listen to?
Psychologists recommend ‘calling out’ passive aggressive people on their tactics. How can you do this without creating conflict?
There are four steps involved in calling out poor behaviour assertively and calmly.
Here’s how we’d help Mina deal with this problem. You can use the same strategies to sell your ideas to resistant audiences – whether you’re presenting at a meeting, giving a formal speech or seeking to change one person’s mind.
You, too, can tap into Aristotle’s wisdom by using the three forms of ‘rhetoric’ he described. These were ethos, logos and pathos.
Ethos
Ethos means ‘character.’ If you’re speaking to people who value expertise, ethos is your key to success. Your ethos builds even before you walk on stage. For example, when your photo is included in promotional material, it starts to build ethos. Invest in a professional head shot if you present a lot. The way you’re introduced also impacts on your ethos. Don’t leave your introduction to chance – prepare an introductory spiel for the MC. Make sure this highlights your qualifications, achievements and current job title.
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