By Eleanor Shakiba Momentum 0 Comments

Don’t let toxic relationships ruin your career momentum

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a relationship that does more harm than good? It could be with a ‘high maintenance’ direct report who drains your energy. Or it might be with a negative colleague who constantly undermines your efforts. Like any reasonable person, you’ve probably tried to turn things around with these people. Eventually, though, you might need to recognise that your efforts are taking you into the zone of ‘toxic persistence’.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that you should walk away from every challenging relationship. However, when a relationship becomes toxic, it can damage your career and stop you achieving the goals that matter to you. Here are three signs that your momentum is being negatively influenced by ‘relationship interference’.

SIGN 1: feeling drained by the effort of trying to make things work

This can take a toll on your physical and mental well-being, leaving you feeling burnt out and unable to focus on anything else. Constantly trying to please others and fix a toxic relationship can be exhausting and detrimental to your overall productivity. It’s important to recognise when your efforts are no longer productive and have the courage to step back and reassess the situation.

SIGN 2: your goals have been on the back-burner way too long

Toxic relationships can be a major distraction, causing you to lose sight of your priorities and get sidetracked from working towards your goals. Even worse, some toxic relationships involve active sabotage, where the other person purposely tries to prevent you from achieving your goals. So, take action. If you have a really important goal that has been put on hold because of someone else, do something to change that situation.

 

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SIGN 3: You start doubting your own abilities

Constant criticism and negativity can erode your confidence, leading you to question your own worth and capabilities. If your confidence is being affected by a toxic relationship, start working on your boundaries. Always remember that just because someone says something harsh or disparaging, this doesn’t mean it’s true. Make your own assessment of your skills and capabilities and don’t let others bring you down.

How to break free

So, what can you do to regain your momentum when relationship interference is holding you back? First and foremost, it’s essential to set boundaries. Set limits on how often you interact with toxic people.  If necessary, take formal steps to address boundary-violating behaviours. For example, managers might seek assistance from HR to address issues with a problematic direct report. Or team members can speak up and address concerns about a toxic colleague’s behaviour.

Secondly, stay focused on your goals and priorities. Document them and share them with your manager.  Report on your progress weekly and speak up when a colleague is causing you to get off track. It’s essential to communicate clearly and professionally, explaining how sabotaging behaviour is affecting you and your work.

Finally, build a strong support network. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who can help lift you focus on what matters. Reach out to mentors, colleagues or trusted advisors for guidance and advice. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

Remember, that toxic relationships can only hold you back if you let them. But by setting boundaries, staying focused on your goals and building a strong support network, you can break free from ‘toxic persistence’ and move forward towards success.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

By Eleanor Shakiba Impact Interesting Articles 0 Comments

When you lose momentum, remember this

“Done is better than perfect.” It’s a simple phrase, but it packs a punch. This quote doesn’t just sound good, it’s  a rock-solid foundation for momentum. I learned this when I first thought of setting up my business. That was back in 2003 and I was scared of failure. My mind was full of imagined catastrophes; quitting my job only to fail in my own business. Never finding clients. Losing my home. And so on.

So I procrastinated. For three years. Finally, a wise mentor told me “Done is better than perfect.” And it changed everything. I realised my perfectionism was blocking my progress. Sure, I wanted to succeed. Meanwhile, though, I was failing by default. So, in 2006 I quit my day job and set up Think Learn Succeed. I have never looked back. Even during Covid 19 I found clients and found success. And that’s why I’m here to help you build momentum today.

So, what’s the moral of this story? It’s that procrastination can be a huge roadblock to success. Don’t let fear hold you back. It’s better to just get started and adjust as you go along. Here are three tips to get you started.

 

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Start every day by doing an important task first

That means dedicating time to Your Big Goal and not letting day-to-day chaos get in your way. Sure, it might be daunting to tackle a goal that seems lofty and far-reaching. But you’ll never get there if you don’t start somewhere.

When your brain conjures up visions of failure or disaster, challenge it to go one step further

Imagine yourself handling the problem or solving the issue. This will give you a sense of control and smash your fear into smithereens. The same creativity you put into worrying can be used to solve problems and create solutions. Use your brain for good not evil!

Finally, take joy in doing the tough stuff

Be curious, playful and committed to the process. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes or falling short. Instead, embrace action and the growth it inspires. Don’t wait three years to bring your One Big Goal to life. Start today.  And before you know it, you’ll be looking back at how far you’ve come down the road to success.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

A journey to self-actualisation: understanding carl rogers’ core theories

We’ve all heard terms like ‘self-esteem’ and ‘active listening’. Most of us don’t know where they come from or who created them. Yet behind many of the most influential techniques you’ll master in professional life lies the work of one man; Carl Rogers. He was an American psychologist and one of the founders of humanistic psychology. His work was groundbreaking and continues to be relevant long after he died in 1987. I recently read an interesting article about Rogers’ work, which brought this point home.

The article summarises the huge impact of Rogers’ work. It explains that  Rogers believed every one of us possesses an innate desire to grow and blossom. As a therapist, Rogers emphasised the importance of unconditional positive regard. He believed that for therapy to be truly effective, therapists must provide their clients with unwavering acceptance and support. He talked about ‘active attending’. Later, this term became known as ‘active listening’. No doubt you’ve heard of it, if you’ve ever done any training in communication skills.

According to Rogers, the development of a healthy sense of self is an ongoing process influenced by your life experiences. He also also highlighted the role of parenting in shaping your self-concept. He claimed that parents who offer unconditional love lay the foundation for healthy self-esteem. In fact, it is Rogers who created the term ‘self-esteem’. He said this was likely to be high when a person’s ‘ideal self’ and ‘perceived self’ were well aligned.

 

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Rogers called this ‘being congruent’. This is when you accept yourself for who you truly are, without pretending or hiding behind a facade. Reaching this state, he claimed, enables you to be a  better version of yourself and to live a fulfilling life. This is known as ‘self-actualisation’. It’s often described as the pinnacle of human potential, where you have achieved everything that makes you truly happy.

So why is all this worth knowing? Because understanding Rogers’ theories can help you develop stronger relationships with yourself and others, whether in a personal or professional setting. If you’d like to find out more about the scope of Rogers’ work, read the original article here. It’s a great read.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

 

By Eleanor Shakiba TLS services Momentum 0 Comments

When your career stalls, it’s not your fault.

Has your career stalled? Have your most important goals that been on the backburner for too long?  Join Eleanor Shakiba in Momentum Lab and go from stuck to unstoppable in 7 days. Find out more here.

When your career stalls, it’s not your fault. You’ve hit a Success Crunch Point and they happen to everyone.  A solution is coming soon. Find out more in my next newsletter!

By Eleanor Shakiba Momentum 0 Comments

Double your chances of hitting your goals

You already know the importance of setting goals – both in personal and professional life. However, simply having a goal is not enough to achieve success. You also need to put in effort and turn your game plan into sustained action. This is where most of us fall down. Do you want to build momentum on what really matters?

Add in a few ‘implementation intentions’ and you have a foolproof plan to double your chances of hitting your goals. So, what, exactly are implementation intentions? And how do they turn you into a go-getting achiever? Put simply, they are if-then plans. They link situational cues (such as potential problems) with responses that will promote success. For example, “If I start feeling unmotivated, then I will do the next step on my action plan and record my success.”

Implementation intentions are powerful because they keep you focused on the end result. They essentially train your brain to think in a way that will keep you moving ahead. They are remarkably easy to create and research has shown they greatly increase your chances of hitting your goals. The key researcher in this field is Peter Gollwitzer. He has shown that adding implementation intention statements to action plans helps you overcome the three main blockers to goal-attainment. You probably recognise at least one of these.

  • Failure to start ‘goal striving’. Also known as never getting started!
  • Getting derailed or side-tracked in your efforts to achieve your goal.
  • Succumbing to negative states and emotions.

 

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It’s a great idea to set 2 or implementation intention statements for any important goal. So the next time you set a goal, don’t use the SMART formula. Use this simple formula to add an implementation intention to it: if situation X is encountered, then I will use behaviour Y in order to reach goal Z. Here are three examples of the formula in action.

1) If I start to get distracted, then I will close my email and turn off notifications for the next hour in order to focus on completing my project on time.

2) If I feel tempted to skip my workout, then I will put on my gym clothes and walk out the door in order to stick to my fitness routine and reach my weight loss goal.

3) If I encounter a difficult problem, then I will take a break and come back to it with a fresh perspective in order to find a solution and achieve success in my project.

And remember, the secret to success and personal fulfilment is knowing what matters to YOU. Then working to build momentum instead of trying to ‘fix’ yourself first. Because it turns out that when we do the things that are most meaningful, we become energised and focused. And, as if by magic, problems and barriers fade away.

This article was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer and success coach. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference.  Since discovering her passion for training and development, Eleanor has trained more than 60,000 people. She delivers face-to-face workshops for corporates, online masterclasses for leaders and Positive Psychology retreats for trainers, HR practitioners and leaders. 

By Eleanor Shakiba Impact Interesting Articles 0 Comments

Too much focus really does tire your brain

Have you ever felt that your attention is completely drained after a long day at work? Or maybe you find yourself struggling to concentrate after a few hours of studying? You’re not alone. Research has shown that excessive focus does lead to fatigue and a decrease in cognitive performance. That’s because your brain has a limited capacity for sustained attention. When you use it continuously without taking breaks or switching tasks, it gets overloaded and works less efficiently.

So how can you combat this brain drain? Here’s an interesting fact for you: by shifting between intense concentration and unfocused thinking, you can activate what is known as the “default mode network” (DMN) in your brain. This network activates when you are relaxed and not focused on a particular task, allowing your brain to rest and recharge.

It plays such a paradoxical role in mental focus that researchers jokingly refer to it as the “Do Mostly Nothing” circuit. After all, it only becomes active when you’re not concentrating intensely. When you’re at rest, though, the DMN in your brain uses up a significant 20% of your body’s energy.

As a success-focused professional, it’s important to understand why this matters to you. Put simply, regular breaks from intense concentration are crucial for developing new ideas, being creative, and sustaining high levels of productivity. By allowing your brain to rest and activate the DMN, you’re giving it the chance to make valuable connections between seemingly unrelated information.

 

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So, when you find yourself stuck on a problem or searching for new ideas, consider giving your brain some downtime. Go for a walk, enjoy a hobby, or simply let your thoughts drift. You’ll be surprised by the creative insights that come to the surface.

When making decisions, intense focus on a single task can limit your perspective. By relaxing and exploring alternative viewpoints, you can make more informed choices. So, when faced with a difficult decision, step back, relax and let your mind wander.

Always remember that your brain functions best when it alternates between focused thinking and relaxation. By embracing moments of relaxation, you can cultivate resilience, spark creativity and boost your decision-making prowess. Make sure you take those breaks, let your mind wander and use your downtime to power your uptime!

If you’re eager to delve deeper into this captivating study, the original article is available here.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

By Eleanor Shakiba TLS services Coaching 0 Comments

Leadership coaching: the support you need

As a manager, your days are filled with people problems, budget issues and all sorts of other challenges. You’re expected to support everyone else, but who supports you? That’s where coaching comes in. Find out how coaching can help you thrive in your leadership role. Book a FREE discovery session with Eleanor Shakiba today.

By Eleanor Shakiba POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY 0 Comments

Relationships are a key ingredient in happiness

Have you ever wondered what it takes to live a healthy and happy life? New research from Harvard reveals that, after 80 years of study, the answer may be simpler than you think. Through years of data collection and analysis, the study has identified certain lifestyle habits that are strongly correlated with health, happiness, longevity and fulfillment.

In 1938, scientists started to track the health of 268 Harvard students. This was during the Great Depression. They wanted to learn how to live healthy and happy lives. The study lasted for 80 years and is called the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Researchers collected lots of information about the physical and mental health of these students. They looked at their relationships, careers and other lifestyle habits.

The study demonstrated that close relationships are far more important than wealth or fame when it comes to living a long, healthy and happy life. This was true across all social classes, regardless of IQ or genetics, indicating that even those with few resources can still experience the same benefits of close relationships.

Fostering supportive connections within the workplace should be a priority. This can help employees feel more supported and less stressed, leading to greater job satisfaction, which ultimately leads to improved performance. Additionally, leaders should look for ways to encourage social connections with colleagues outside of work.

 

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Having a sense of purpose is essential. People who had meaningful goals and aspirations were more likely to live. Efforts should also be made to promote mental health. Leaders should be open to conversations about stress and mental health and consider ways to engage employees with purposeful activities, as this can have a major impact on productivity. The bottom line is that understanding these principles, leaders and organisations can build meaningful connections with individuals.

You can read the original article here.

This article summary was created by Eleanor Shakiba

Eleanor is a leadership trainer, success coach and people skills expert. She helps managers and business owners build thriving teams and organisations, using tools from Positive Psychology. She's trained more than 60,000 people during her career as a corporate trainer and professional development consultant. Her mission is inspiring talented people to become leaders who make a difference. 

 

 

By Eleanor Shakiba TLS services Coaching 0 Comments

Success coaching for leaders

Leadership can be tough at times. One-on-one coaching will give you the confidence to address any situation. Coaching zeroes in on your skills. You’ll learn how to solve your problems and flourish. Book your coaching program today!